You know what a fan I am of Alison Armstrong.
In one of the classes, I believe the co-ed UNDERSTANDING WOMEN, she talked in her ceaselessly respectful way about men and how the feminist moms did a disservice to them, coddling them from reproach from their fathers. That it was so painful for the mothers to watch their sons be made wrong and told no, that they begged their husbands/brothers/uncles not to do it.
And that too many men were raised then without the necessity of an adult male pulling them aside and firmly telling them "No! That is not how a man behaves. That is not honor, integrity, responsibility." That this is a CRUCIAL part of a man's upbringing and a great disservice to his soul if he can not be taught this by other men; kept in line by other men; taught right from wrong. That women must allow it to happen, but that husbands could learn to work with this pain women suffer by taking the boy out back and disciplining him away from the mother's unconditional love.
(I witnessed male on male disciplining all the time in the dojang and had great respect for it...it is something I've discussed as being necessary and missing from women's self-defense training and it frightens the beejesus out of me that women are falsely empowered without responsibility, and frankly, an unfair fight they lose. Because life is nothing if not an unfair fight, and this false idea that we're all special and are going to win and deserve/are entitled to nothing but the best is what's bringing on Armageddeon.)
I'm so bone tired, I don't know if I'm going to be able to connect the dots...
I was raised by my mother to do the right thing and take responsibility for myself and to empower those around me when I had the strength to. Sometimes even when I didn't. And I was taught this is done because it's the right thing to do. And it was reinforced in me by the men I was blessed to grow up with in high school, in the dojang, in my comic books and stories. I was raised to be a warrior and I have fought side by side with men my whole life.
I guess I'm pondering...when I see this person whom I've given unconditional love to for the past ten months, who countless other women support and soothe and coddle and put first before their own happpiness and welfare...when I see him behave over and over again in a way that is suicidally destructive to himself, harmful to women, self-indulgent, intolerably cruel, and completely unbefitting of a man and deserving of no respect or validation...
Where are the men in his life? Why hasn't anyone stepped in to punch him out cold? Tell him to knock this shit off? To grow up and stop acting like a spoiled child. That there is no honor or decency in making someone else's tragedy all about him, that not standing by that person during their tragedy was unacceptable, and that to use it as an excuse for the rest of his life to indulgently mess around doing whatever he wants and using people for his whims is worse than the tragedy itself. That contrary to what he professes, his vices have made HIM the only person he can't trust. That he is a disgrace.
I don't understand. I don't think I'll ever understand.
Doesn't this person have friends to kick him in the head? Is it really going to be up to me to doorah him to the mat? Because I will. For the protection of society. To save his soul. And the best way is to remove myself from his life.