Tuesday, July 31, 2007

I told you!!!!

Dammit, I went and killed Michelangelo Antinioni. Fuck me, fuck me!

Soderbergh and Fincher, watch your backs! There be falling pianos in the sky!

Maybe Tom Snyder counts, and the fates will stop at three. Tom, the intellectual conversationalist, whose pretty pictures floated over the air throughout my life.

I was talking recently with a friend about why I don't consider myself a writer, and when I read Snyder's lovely obit in Variety, I realized why: I'm not. I'm a conversationalist. All I do is type up the exact conversation going on in my head. How is that writing? It can't be. If someone were in the room with me, I'd just be saying it out loud instead of to my Toshiba.

Razor Sharp

Here's a movie that was making good use of Comic-con. Good for them.

I revisited "The Limey" and "Fight Club" yesterday and still adore them, if you haven't seen.

The Monster we sleep with

Joss Whedon was at Comic-con, and no I didn't get to meet him.

Next to David Milch, Bergman (RIP), Wilder, and Chris Claremont, Joss is of course one of the genius storytellers of the last century. I don't say this lightly, given as I believe storytelling is the sacred job of shamans, and that it and indoor plumbing are what separate us from apes.

Joss has dedicated his Hollywood career and his philanthropy to understanding and empowering females, and has my utter respect. Many of you probably never watched "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", but it's apt that college courses exist to dissect the mythology and messages of the series.

The most beloved and excrutiating season is Two, wherein the arc is the fallout of Buffy succumbing to the physical charms of her supposed soul mate Angel, the vampire. Obviously, the rudimentary conflict of their relationship is built into their monikers: Buffy the Vampire Slayer loves Angel the Vampire.

But Joss doesn't settle for cheap fears. He goes for the primal-seated horror, and turns the season into every woman's worst nightmare: that the loving, infatuated man you fall asleep with post-coitus turns into the covertly hostile, indifferent, afraid-of-commitment freak show women wake up to.

Joss is a Samurai Master, so he of course takes this storyline to the negation of the negation: Angel has transformed back into the evil Angelus because of the perfect moment of orgasm while in love, and is now bent on killing Buffy's family and friends in front of her for giving him human emotion.

Powerful stuff.

It was written ten years ago. Yet it's even more relevant now that I'm in my thirties, competing for men my age with nineteen-year-olds who learned sex-ed by watching internet porn and model their dating behavior on Paris Hilton.

Does one give it away for the price of dinner like our slutty little sisters, knowing full well we will never hear from the man again? Or do we say good night chastely, and drive home to our goody drawer filled with Rabbits, Magic Wands, lube to plug into another night of solitary love, knowing he won't call because we're too much work?

Both choices suck, and are all that's on the dating buffet. The only other choice is to give up personal identity to one of the overbearing suitors bent on caging with motherhood, and that...that is not an option. Especially not when it comes from a space of owning instead of partnership. Men in their 30s might be afraid of love, but women in their 30s are legitimately afraid of slavery.

The dream of equal partnership equally desired? Well...who the fuck do you know who has that?

Talking with girlfriends my age, we lament many things. Chief among them is that now that we are phsycially insatiable, it's almost impossible to find a man our age who actually wants to have sex. Worse, once you find one and lower your standards to hoping to have sex with them on a regular basis without any kind of male-petrifying emotion involved, men would rather conquer once and move on to the next bimbo. Especially in southern California, the drive to experience new outweighs a sure thing.

While that's satisying biologically to them, it's physically torturous to women because a one-night-stand realeases a hormone in our brains punishing us with extreme depression for violating the more advantageous biological strategy of mating with someone who gives a shit about us and won't discard us after sex. The depression level is so severe that positive memories from the night are erased, and even Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey can't make the harsh punishment for the brief pleasure worth it.

Brief is really the key, because no matter how good the sex was in the moment, that moment was in the past. Once you start me up, I'll never stop. So while a man wakes up with his biochemistry satisfied by the romance leading to sex the previous night, mission accomplished, the woman wakes up ready to cum again with the person who gave her an orgasm. Getting kicked out of bed without breakfast does not unfortunately trigger that craved orgasm.

Perhaps if women are to evolve and survive, they will have to learn to orgasm from rejection.

The only logical conclusion to the above is that it's better to be celibate. No highs followed by stronger lows, just an even-keel middle ground as a sexless but productive member of society.

Get the feeling Mother Nature abhors women?

A girlfriend asked me recently if understanding biochemistry and Evolutionary Psychology as predetermined destiny helped me any in dealing with the hormones that cause depression after a fun one night stand.

Nope. Not at all.

FAN TRANSCRIPT of Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Cut to Angelus's apartment. Buffy opens the door. She walks over to the bed and sees it's been made. One of his shirts is laid out on it. She goes over to the bed and reaches for the shirt. Behind her Angelus steps over to a statue, picks up a necklace hanging from it and puts it on. Buffy turns, sees him.

Buffy: Angel! (runs to him)

Angelus: Hey!

Buffy: Oh!

Angelus: Hey.

She kisses him and they hug.

Buffy: Oh, my God! I was so worried!

Angelus: I didn't mean to frighten you.

Buffy: Where did you go?

Angelus: Been around.

Buffy: Ohhh. Oh, my God! (hugs him again) I was freaking out! You just disappeared.

Angelus: What? I took off. (goes to his bed for the shirt)

Buffy: (confused) But you didn't say anything. You just left.

Angelus: (pulls on the shirt) Yeah. Like I really wanted to stick around after that.

Buffy: What?

Angelus: You got a lot to learn about men, kiddo. Although I guess you proved that last night.

Buffy: What are you saying?

Angelus: Let's not make an issue out of it, okay? (goes for his coat)In fact, let's not talk about it at all. (pulls it on) It happened.

Buffy: I, I don't understand. Was it m-me? (meekly) Was I not good?

Angelus: (laughs) You were great. Really. (snidely) I thought you were a pro.

Buffy: How can you say this to me?

Angelus: Lighten up. It was a good time. It doesn't mean like we have to make a big deal.

Buffy: It *is* a big deal!

Angelus: It's what? Bells ringing, fireworks, a dulcet choir of pretty little birdies? (laughs) Come on, Buffy. It's not like I've never been there before.

He reaches his hand up to her face and she jerks back.

Buffy: Don't touch me.

Angelus: (shakes his finger at her) I should've known you wouldn't be able to handle it. (starts to go)

Buffy: Angel! (he stops and faces her) (teary-eyed) I love you.

Angelus: (points coolly at her) Love you, too. (turns away)
I'll call you.


Of course I just bought eight of his screenplays last week.

I'm the kiss of death to my idols, truly. Just wait, Jodorowsky's going next, because I've been using my Terminator-like movie disecting powers on his work, too. By which logic, we will also soon be hearing that Billy Wilder has reanimated. Look out world, I'm destroying auteurs. Stop me before I kill again.

Monday, July 30, 2007


Sorry I've been withholding lately...if there's anyone out there still reading, I'm going to give this confessional blog thingie another shot. Gets confusing because some people don't want me to blog about them, I really can't blog about work, and I chased off the spec-screenwriters last year when they were rude to my cancer caregiver crowd, so that leaves what to talk about? Not sure.

Just finished an emotionally difficult/fulfilling script on Wednesday (been working on it for a year and a half, so that feels gooood), then went to Comic-con. Had an awesome weekend. Saw my brother and sister-in-law and some confriends. Charles Yoakum and I had several successful meetings with our target publishers who are interested in the Pistoleras graphic novel. Got through the first gate...yea!

Really enjoyed being at Geek Prom as a seller instead of a buyer this year. Charles and I swore last year we weren't coming back until we were pros with a property, and we did it. So that's really something. And he got to meet Valerie D'Orazio, and I left without buying more original art, so that's all good. That the trip cost more than we'll make on the book...not good, but the reality of the comic industry. Got some great life advice relayed to me from our mutual good friend Todd, who has been worried about me since I disappeared off the planet a month ago in my writing spell. So from now on when I'm writing strong, I need to put an autoresponder letting people know I'm writing and that if they hear back from me it's completely by accident. Good advice. Witty with a hint of bitterness and longterm knowledge of me, but you get the gist. Thanks Todd, and sorry!

Also met some new cool friends over the weekend, some from LA at the Eisner Awards (congrats guys!) and one from San Diego who also does powerful activism work for underdogs; very brave and effective, flying around the world and to DC to change policies. Had a perceptive phone conversation with a best girlfriend on the short trip home from San Diego where we solved all our personal issues and negotiated world peace. Then a lovely talkfest/dinner with my cosmic twin Sarah. Sarah's continuing to do amazing, world-changing activism, work on her documentary, and is up for several professional screenwriting jobs that have powerful themes and issues. Kudos to Sarah! Though somehow everytime we get together we manage to make each other cry over our dead moms. I guess that's good. Yeah, that's good, right Sarah?

In general, I'm feeling really good. I like my life. A lot. I love that I have two fantastic girlfriends who told me they loved me on the same day that I came home from my celebration of all things male at Dorkapalooza. One of my favorite things about my life is that I'm blessed with great male and female friends.

Have any of you been watching "Confessions of a Matchmaker?" My sister turned me on to it, and I find it so sweet. I think if anyone gets down on humans hurting each other, they should watch this show and the way everyone just wants love. The soft-hearted, hard-edge matchmaker is spot-on at laying down boundaries and helping people become better and happier and more self-aware. If the personal is politicial, then she's doing some powerful gender work there in Buffalo New York.

Another way to get in touch fast with humanity is to watch this amazing video made with all the love and joy of children...who just happen to be "hardened" criminals in a jail in the Philippines. See if you can open your hearts and enjoy life and all our ongoing rehabilitation with them:

I just got the weirdest urge for a V-8. I always wonder if that's a fishie from Mom, because that was her drink when I was a kid, and I never liked them until after she died. Now it's my most reliable vegetable source. Of course, my cupboards are bare at the moment...Time for bed. Sleep well, bloggers.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Fade In Magazine

What a great Monday!

Out of thousands of entries, I've placed SECOND in the Action Category of FADE IN MAGAZINE'S 11th Annual Screenplay Contest (Click the bottom link that says "2006 Winners" to see the 12 screenplays. I'm one of three women out of fourteen writers, which is even cooler since I'm in Action).

It's a big deal. I'll be in an upcoming issue of their magazine, there will be an announcement in Variety and Hollywood Reporter, and even more importantly...Fade In is good about helping their winners get meetings around town. Their winners get work.

The plan for PISTOLERAS is to get back Fade In's notes, do another polish, then go talk to some nice Hollywood producers. If it isn't sold to someone we like be Fall, Heidi and I will go make it ourselves with my Red camera.

Also today, got the news that A-list action director Paul W. S. Anderson (Alien Vs. Predator, Resident Evil) is giving us a blurb for PISTOLERAS!

And...CONVENTIONEERS was just released on DVD (The amazing, Indy Spirit Award winning film I was an Associate Producer on). Go rent it from Netflix or Blockbuster, or better yet...BUY it on Amazon!

Champagne time!

Chicks With Flicks

Here's an Amazing Article by SuperProducer Lynda Obst on how there are too many Katherines in Hollywood and not enough Spencers. Personally, I'm looking for a Thin Man and a dog named Asta.