Tuesday, August 30, 2005

For Sale

One stripper pole, as seen on Oprah. Used twice. Half-price, due to chubby owner WAKING UP TO REALITY.
The Corkscrew, the move I effed up my left hand on. And it didn't even look good when I did it. Did I mention that I now have to hunt and peck to type, or that if I sprained or broke my hand I have to quit S factor for months? (again, imagine tears streaming down my face) Posted by Picasa
The Snake move I did yesterday. Only imagine Kathleen spotting me, and tears streaming down my face. (okaaay, it just felt like that...the fear was palatable, really) Posted by Picasa

Dash Cunning of You

Good stuff on AICN. Ideal Man Eddie Izzard cast as a supervillain in a Reitman film I'm looking forward to. Interview with other Ideal Man Ralph Fiennes. And for you Bri, a John Landis interview!

Also still laughing at Dooce's last three entries. I'd go gay for her. Especially if she were friends with Eddie and Ralph.

Did I mention that with a great deal of spotting, I went upside down on the pole yesterday? Or that i think I broke a bone in my hand doing it and am now completely effed? Again supporting my hypothesis that, physics be damned, fat girls like me with Ethiopian wrists and no upper arm strength shouldn't attempt daring acrobatics.


So my friends NN and AT have been waiting since Friday for me to write about THIS one.

We went to the last performance ever of the burlesque show Velvet Hammer. It started off weird, with a disgruntled employee handing us a brochure about why we should boycott the show, even though we'd already paid, so what kind of a boycott is that?

Then the Dykes on Bikes road by twice waving. The queue started filling up with people in 1940s costumes and lots of lesbians.

By the time they opened the doors to the deco El Rey and we slumped in our seats, we were already exhausted. We're getting older, and NN & AT had spent the day shopping for apartments in a market where landlords are asking for iPods in addition to first and last. Me, I'm just no good standing that long in heels.

The show was a long two hours of bad jokes, burlesque, and circus freak acts. The owner clearly had athing for Lynch, from featuring a dwarf stripper named Bobby Pin to closing the night with Rebekah Del Rio singing Crying.

I've never been so bored/horrified/fascinated.

Some of the numbers featured amazingly talented performers, like the stripper who climbed two curtains to do acrobatics above us (saw that once at burlesque in Paris; it's simply stunning). A few of the numbers made no sense whatsoever and dragged on too long, like the Candy Tray Girl poisoning the Cracker Jacks boxes. We got to see a smoking woman pop all her balloons, and an Orlando Bloomish matador take on El Toro, a lawnmower he eventually balanced on his chin (my favorite). Some of the numbers were clearly feminist deconstructions, like the ballet dancer who was stripped by a bum, or the amazing Kiss act, where a transvestite flanked by naked male lackeys was revealed to be a petite white woman with a black strap on she played like a guitar rock god.

The whole night was stunning and odd, and we went home afterwards rather quiet and dissettled. There was nothing erotic about it, but you felt dirty because of the prurient quality they kept rubbing in your face. I kept expecting to see David or Jennifer in the valet line after, cackling at us maniacally in the streetlight.

Monday, August 29, 2005


Nurse Sis just reminded me that even though she's not ready, the hospital could send Mom home any day...at which point our lives will change drastically. She's thinking about getting away for a few days, and suggested I plan the same...Anyone want to go somewhere? Vague, I know. My brain is fuzzy, and I'm not used to the travelling idea.

Normally I would say N'orleans, but...those poor people. I'm so freaked out for them. Floodin is my biggest recurring nightmare, which I'm sure Jung would say is me drowning in emotions I can't handle.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Which Classic Dame Are You?

I'm Rosalind Russel. And you?

You are one wise-cracking lady, always quick with a clever remark and easily able to keep up with the quips and puns that come along with the nutty situations you find yourself in. You're usually able to talk your way out of any jam, and even if you can't, you at least make it more interesting with your biting wit. You can match the smartest guy around line for line, and you've got an open mind that allows you to get what you want, even if you don't recognize it at first. Your leading men include Cary Grant and Clark Gable, men who can keep up with you.
Rosalind Russell Posted by Picasa


Still having gastro issues after yesterday's all day pitch class at Wendall Thomas'. I definitely learned I need to carefully craft the pitch monologues, memorize them and practice just like an acting gig. Argh. It's amazing how this writing gig thing gets more and more discouraging every day...Wendall really broke down what we have to do; it's just on top of trying to squeeze writing and rewrites in every day, and for most of us work another job and maintain social and familial relationships. And someone in my class was talking at lunch about a writer who won the Nicholl and the UCLA award twice, and was written up in the LA Times for all the contests they've won and STILL never sold anything. Writing under a pseudonym for women's erotica is starting to look like a smart career move.

Screenwriting is just plain tough. Even Dave seems a little down about the road ahead. And this weekend I got three pages of notes about my character dynamics being wrong from a teacher who has only seen one "Medium" episode and said they don't watch TV. So THAT happened...

I know the statistics of making it: .05% for person on street, 25% chance for UCLA/NYU/USC grad/professional program students. So I try to remind myself that's not bad, even if it's not adjusted for the "I'm a woman" issue which probably puts the statistic back to about 2.5% (only 5% of the WGA is female...why doesn't anyone ever realistically address that people don't want to hire women?).

Sometimes it only takes one person to like your writing (what's the stat on that...one in ten million?). But it's amazing how many great writers I know who are out of work, or struggling from year to year. The UCLA MFA program seems to more consistently produce screenwriting teachers and university administrators. Anyway, my writing/studying sojourn has come to an end: September is all about finding a workable job, and developing a schedule where I still continue to write. As Wendall says, even if it's only one page a day, that's two scripts a year.

On the upside, someone found this site by searching for "Hollywood Next Girls." Course it was just some words I used in the blog, not anyone actually saying I was the above. But it's still pretty amusing that I'd make it to page one out of 700,000 entries. Next in the blogging sphere: strategic journal entries to garner better hits!

Saturday, August 27, 2005


Oh, sorry guys. Been so busy. Getting ready for bed now so I don't get sick.

It was great to come back to the site and see how civilized you all were in my absence. Thank you. So many of the people on this site are my good friends; I just can't stand to see any of them slandered because someone disagrees with an opinion of theirs. So great to see a debate where namecalling and defensiveness and inappropriate anger weren't integral "tactics." May the FSM bless you all.

Here's a funny blog exchange I just read on Poor Role Model.

For my cancer crowd, Louise is keeping it real at Bomb in My Belly. Go wish her well.

And look at this great collection of Office Space quotes!

I'll fill you in on my weekend after I've slept some. Too punchy now. But I'll give you a hint. Think DAVID LYNCH.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005


Before he left for the airport, Big Bro put up my pole. Pretty darn exciting. The painter saw it and laughed jovially about us Hollywood freaks doing the darndest things. But of course he still took a spin on it. No one can resist the fun of the pole. Now I just need to lose a little weight and gain a little arm strength so I can climb it like my petite Ssss Sistahs.

It was great to have Bri and my nieces here. Kind of fun to have a two-day visit. Felt decadent, especially since school started for them today. We watched Kung Fu Hustle and Boondock Saints, which were both very fun.

Last night I took the first ten pages of my third/fourth draft of a script into class. Everything went great in the feedback (rythm, dialogue, characters, tranisitions all great)...until someone noticed now my inciting incident was happening offscreen. God damn it. Don't you hate when the floor drops out under you like that? Back to the drawing board. Wendall said not to fret, that she didn't intuitively get structure for years either. Aarrrrgh.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Mom's B-Day

Incredible. I don't think it could have gone better. There were so many things that could have gone wrong...and for once they didn't.

Mom called us four times this morning to tell us she felt like "Queen for a day." Between Brian and her granddaughters flying down for two days just to see her (!) to the landscaping in the backyard and the ceilings being fixed, to the lovely friends who came to say hello, including two who flew in from Nocal for the day...She's reinvigorated and as excited as a kid. Talking about kicking ass at physical therapy and lowering her steroids again. It was just the mental/emotional stimulation she needed.

Nurse Sis declares it a smashing success.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Good morning

It's Post Secret Sunday!

See Murderball this week before it leaves the theatres!!!! Last chance! And I'm not the only one who says so:

"Seriously. You need to see this movie (check out Kid Sis' review on her site - it's under the July archives). I saw it yesterday and the film just blew me out of my chair. It busts every myth and assumption about disabled people you could imagine..." - Meg

From Christina's blog: "Some advice to the wise or not so wise. Keep your chin up so you look stronger when you take a punch. Don't lay down and fall or cry or anything. Just raise your head again and hope you punch first next time."

And Kung Fu Monkey's reminder that eighty-five years ago this week, women received the right to vote! Yup. No power issues in our society. I'll be a good little girl and shut up now that I've been invited to the table for scraps.

I must go garden more now. Damn dirt and pretty flowers and stuff. Mom better love it tomorrow. I was expecting to have a disabled back, but instead it's my quads that are on fire...

Friday, August 19, 2005

Hollywood Blvd Girls Girls Girls

Seriously. Who's the jackhole who typed the above into google and came to my site? Enquiring minds want to know.

Mom's got a new post up at Mom's Recovery.

And here's a great description of fandamentalism. Guilty? Sure you are. Occasionally. Admit it, you're amongst friends.

Go Meg, with your big bad self!

Sky is Falling

If I told you how absolutely effed EVERYTHING in my life is right now, I would just get overwhelmed and start crying again. Snapshot is my professional life is just effed, and we're trying desperately to get the backyard landscaped and all the roof damage in our house repaired (six rooms with holes in the ceiling from the leaks last winter) in time for Mom's SUPRISE (shhh...don't say anything to her) 66th b-day party on Monday. We've got guests flying in from out of town on Sunday, and in the meantime I've been going on three hours sleep living in a construction zone, trying to put out fires and deal with the frustrating world of home repairs. And the word today is that Mom doesn't want to try to leave the hospital on her b-day...she'd rather stay there because she's not sure she can make it home. Can't say anymore. Too tired and dispirited.

So here is genius Warren Ellis' words from his daily email about his craptastic suckfest. If you like his writing, please go check out his graphic novels, especially Global Frequency.

"During this week, I've been leaving the house only once a day, to clear my lungs before returning to my death bed. So I've been getting a single snapshot of the weather each day. And it's no wonder I'm fucking dying. Yesterday, blazing heat, not a cloud in the sky, people moving in slow motion under the oppressive radiation. Today? Black skies, pissing down with rain, gales turning people's umbrellas inside out. It'll be snow tomorrow. Or hot hail." - Warren Ellis

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Your Brain

Is it more female or male? Obvious bias in the questions, but still good for a smile. Here's my result:

80% Female
Your brain leans female
You think with your heart, not your head
Sweet and considerate, you are a giver
But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

Maybe there on to something. Sounds like me. Then again, a screenwriter in my group confessed last night that he read his gfriend the wrong horoscope for A YEAR to prove to her that this kind of stuff is bunk :)

And please check Lemorse's endorsment of Murderball...see, it's not just me! Someone else says GO SEE IT! :)

Check out this great site (courtesy of Kung Fu Monkey.) Particularly liked the "Radicals" of the World Unite post.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Come on Now

They just cast Olivia Williams as Dr. Moira MacTaggert in X3, who just screams Nobel-Prize winning geneticist engaged to Dr. Charles Xavier in their college years.

I'm all for continuing the lame ass tradition of casting producer's teenaged girlfriends as leading world scientists, especially when it's the ex Mrs. Sheen. So I can sort of buy that the Legacy cure resides in Olivia's pretty thirty-something head. But I don't buy that she's had a forty odd year affair with brilliant senior citizen Charles Xavier, or for that matter that she's the mother of Proteus. Sigh. Not that I wouldn't have an affair with Xavier and Magnus at the same time (in next month's Alias issue, Mutant DP!), but that's what the OTHER X girls are there for...not our lovely lass Moira. Come on Brett Ratner. I'm trying really hard not to hate you. First Red Dragon, now X3...I'm itching with worry.

You know what? I actually really liked X and X2, but while I'm bitching...it still really throws me off to have a teenage Rogue. I mean, I know she was more powerful than Jubilee or Kitty Pryde and they decided to combine characters for a while to capture the teenage market, but it makes all the scenes of her and Magneto so creepy sub-texted (have I coined a new term?), and then Gambit...urgh. Must abort thought process.

Other misc meanderings from my twisted soul...I think last night's Entourage had a perfect moment for each character. Stellar. Oh god, and just when I was starting to get and like the Comeback, they turned Valerie into a weenie again. I don't understand the exercise of making us hate her so. It feels like I'm being forced to sit through experimental european films all over again...Je Tu Il Elle, anyone? I get that it's real, it's just too real and there's not a soul to like, except off-camera Jane.

Happy for the success of Four Brothers. I knew they'd make money. Very funny, charming, kick-ass, unique, fun, stylish, believable sibling relationships...my audience of LA screenwriters was in stitches and cheered/clapped at the end. Singleton knows his Sergio Leone. Apparently the reviewers calling it a blaxploitation revenge flick aren't up to date on their spaghetti westerns. But he used that same weird mouth squib thing he used in Higher Learning when Tyra Banks' character died. I hated being there that day, it was so gross to see her sputtering blood. By the way, great free ipodcast download of the Q & A I was at with the screenwriters (go to CreativeScreenwriting.com for directions), one of whom just directed friend Ford's film Catacombs. Think that will be our Blair Witch next year.

Don't mention SFU plot to me yet. TiVo crapped out on me, so I have to wait until tonight to catch up with Nate's afterlife.

Tony Bennett at the Hollywood Bowl was freaking amazing. If you ever get the chance, see the legend.

If you need a free laugh (and who doesn't) check out comedian Eugene Mirman's site. If you get past the crooning child with your sanity intact, you'll lose it listening to his taped discussions with the anti gay phone company.

You guys have let Murderball be torpedoed by Penguins and crap/vomit jokes. You all suck. Seriously, this week is probably your last chance. Please go see the film. Don't break my friends' hearts. They're sweet people trying to change the world. Give 'em six bucks and ninety minutes. You'll laugh harder than you did at the Wedding Crashers.


Congratulations to The Awful Writer for bumping us into 25,000! Jim, you've won the No-Prize!

To commemorate the milestone, let me pass on these words of wisdom a reader shared with me today:

Better to commit sins of action rather than sins of inaction.

Amen, brother MIM.

Seriously, thank you everyone! Glad to have you here the last seven months while I bumbled through blogging.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Under Pressure

So...I have many contacts/old friends/old workmates in the industry asking me what the eff I'm doing. As in, why aren't I out there selling and actively interviewing for assignments.

They mean it in the nicest way. With that strange quizzical look in their eye. The industry concensus appears to be that I'm beyond ripe, and a bit crazy to not be making money in LA.

Sigh. It's really hard to explain. They don't quite buy it when I say Mom's health, or that I'm depressed about said situation. Probably because I'm still extremely productive when depressed.

I think what it really is...my first fear of failure. Never really had it before. Afraid I'm going to let down all the silenced people I'm trying to represent. That voice in my head keeps saying "Wait...you're not ready yet."

Best summation of the cognitive dissonance in my head is Neo and Oracle in the kitchen.

NEO I'm not the One.

ORACLE Sorry, kid. You got the gift but looks like you're waiting for something.

NEO What?

ORACLE Your next life, maybe. Who knows. That's how these things go.

And meanwhile I've got all these powerful people in my life waiting for me to jump off the building toward the helicopter.

Just had this whole conversation last night, and last Wednesday, and I'm getting ready to go to an industry BBQ where I have to have it all over again.

I'm such a fucktard. How long are movie people trying to help willing to wait before they rescind their kind offers?

Saturday, August 13, 2005

'nother Reader Request

Courtesy of MIM and NN,

Top 10 Films that you think define your philosophy/personality:

Thursday, August 11, 2005


We're nearing the 25,000 mark. Keep those hits coming! It's like Christmas...

In honor of recent Hollywood Hills fires, what would you REALLY take if you had twenty minutes to save things from your house?

After the animals, computer, and hardcopies, I was shocked that I was willing to let it all burn. I used to be a photo album girl, but after cleaning out my Grandmother's house after her death, I realized how much the photos tie you to the past and sadness...emotionally backing up all those media theory classes about the unnatural thought processes the invention of the camera created.

I think the Budhists have something going on for them.

And please, continue posting your fav scenes! Too fun.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Reader Request

Okay MIM, here's your question:

What are your Top 10 favorite scenes? Not just lines, but full, acting-the-heck-out-of-it-scenes?

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Quickest Personality Test Ever

Courtesy of Femme Extraordinaires Babbling Brooke and Modigli.

Wave your freak flag!

Things Are Getting Worse...Please Send Chocolate

Mom had that sticker on our refrigerator the whole time I was growing up. She actually had talked about having me blog that quote for her (before Big Bro took over Mom's Recovery, and a fine job he's doing). I was a little worried readers wouldn't get the je ne sais quois quality and be alarmed instead...It's winsome and sad and true and, well, Mom.

She's doing better. Last week we were really worried. Her spirit just wasn't there. And it was so hard for her because it was the week she was supposed to be gone on a cruise...the week she'd been trying to work towards since last February when she booked it with her best friend.

And then she was left alone for several hours three separate days, waiting for tests in a hallway so long she ran through an oxygen tank. For the most part we like the hospital and the staff, but patient care isn't what it used to be anywhere. Nurse Sis tries hard but she can't be there 24/7 (even though she's always ready to spend the night there).

But now Mom's off the scary/irritating ventilator, and the biggest medical concern is that all the tests are negative. Can't find a reason for any of her symptoms (paging House?).

My biggest concern is always the mental. How to keep her in her normal positive outlook when every inch of her arms and stomach are black and blue from all the shots. So that usually involves sneak visits from Hero ("Mission Impossible" getting him past security every time), editing her autobiography, and watching that Playboy Girls Next Door (okay, we only did that yesterday. We both thought it was pretty funny.). Notice I didn't say reading. Right. Because I really effed up.

I couldn't find the new Dave Sedaris, so I took her "Naked" yesterday. And the chapters are mostly looooong. So I flipped through and found the short one because my throat hurt, and I started reading...and didn't stop, even when I realized Dave was GOING THERE talking about taking his Ya Ya to the convalescence home...and kept going until I read the part about Ya Ya dying alone in said organization. OH MY GOD.

I told Nurse Sis the sad situation, and she just stared at me like I was from Jupiter. So I said, "What was I supposed to do, stop in the middle and tell her this story wasn't for her?"

And my infinitely wiser sister said, "Yes."

Cripes. Come to think of it, that's a pretty good idea. Fucktard.

Like she needed me worrying her more after losing Peter Jennings, and all the dire statistics they're posting on lung cancer. Arrrgh.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Everyone Back on the Bus?

INTERESTING. Someone is actually using his blog to smear my name, and for "proof" posted ABRIDGED comments from this website after he'd deleted them here so he could change them with impunity. Edited to make himself look good, and to slam myself and my reader and make blanket accusations at us that we're man-hating fascists. Wow. Thank God he and his gullible readers are gone now. My favorite part is that he sent me his screenplay to read a few days ago. Hmmmmm....

To borrow from ass-kicker John Rogers:

Again, our motto at Kung Fu Monkey: "Everybody who wants to live in the 21st century over here. Everybody who wants to live in the 1800's over there. Good. Thanks. Good luck with that."

Alright kiddies, shall we continue?

Finally figured out the mystery of why there is always bark in the mouth of my lion statue. Seriously was bugging the crap out of me. I kept thinking it was a leaf blower, but nooooo...

Little four year old boy down the street has named my lion Nico. And according to his mom, they MUST feed him every day.

Which is really cute, because it's one of those scary lions in mid Aslan-roar. Scared the beejesus out of big bro one day because he didn't know it was there and came face to face with it. But the four year old, he's got the Aslan love mom and I share...I love that we're some little kid's favorite house.


Okay people. Hostility, especially completely innapropriate-you're-fighting-with-yourself hostility is never appropriate on this blog. Don't even try it, your posts will just be erased and I'll lock you out of the site.

Seriously. I look out for myself and my readers, and I don't tolerate BS. If you don't like what I write, don't read it or go comment about it on your own blog.

I do think it's interesting that I've only had this problem with men here. To my recollection, a poster claiming to be a woman has never told me I'm wrong or tried to change my opinions or argue me down into the ground.

INTERESTING. Discuss on your own damn blog.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Three Free Laughs

Just got back from The Aristocrats with a Q & A by the very-funny-in-person Larry Miller. Good movie. Needed an edit.

Interesting they included only two black people, almost no funny women, and no asians or latinos or Others. (Roseanne, Margaret Cho, George Lopez, Rosie O'Donnell, Wanda Sykes, Bill Cosby, Paula Poundstone, Carol Burnett, Cher, Ellen Degerneres, Brett Butler, Janeane Garafolo, Joan Rivers, Andrea Martin, Bonnie Hunt, Kathy Griffin, Catherine O'Hara...Not in the rolodex? Or not funny because they're not white men?)

Hmmm. Not that comedy is an old white guy fraternity. No...(Thank you Whoopi, Carrie, Phyllis and Sarah for representing...)

Actually, my favorite thing about the movie was that sophisticate Eddie Izzard (funniest man alive) couldn't even bring himself to outline the joke. He should have just done it in French:
Le singe est sur la branche manger merde...Très bien. Les membre de l'aristocratie!

I'm pretty sure he was the only gay comedian. Interesting.

If you need a preview, here's your Free Glimpse. Très bien. Kyle's reaction to the joke was mine as well, though the documentary is fascinating as a history of class/race/gender and joke structure. And of course, a lovely demonstration of free speech.

And here's a subjective list of Important Comedy Moments.

Holy Hannah Cabana

Phoned in an order at our fav Thai restaurant and the clerk said "Ahhhhh...Liiiiiz."

No subtext in that. Not sure if it was of the "Miranda from Sex and The City Pathetically Ordering Too Much Takeout" variety, or "Ah I'd Turn Straight For You If I Wasn't a Hard-Rocking Bisexual." Hard to read over the phone. Disconcerting, regardless.

Food I could/do eat every day: Sushi, popcorn, Thai, chocolate.

Et tu?

Friday, August 05, 2005

How Close Was I?

Damn close. I NEVER forget movies, so this one really bugged me.

But as I said in my earlier post, I knew it was a respected Chinese director, about five years old, set in San Fran and Vegas and shot on digital. So I typed this into Google:

digital film internet boom sex vegas san francisco

And up first came "Center of the World" by Wayne Wang. 2001. Peter Sarsgaard and Molly Parker. And look at that...screenplay by Ms. Miranda July.

My, I have good taste.

I recommend it. And now that I know the actors from their recent work, I'm going to see it again myself.

Hey, another one many people missed last year was "Mean Creek." Fabulous performances, and a Nichols winning screenplay.


Question: Who is the most offensive celebrity you've been compared to? We always brag about the time someone said we looked just like Jennifer Aniston...but what about Linda Blair? Personally, I was called Olive Oil in high school by the bitchy girls.

Recommendation: Read Pro-Monkey Billy Mernit's screenwriting blog. Lovely, lyrical, and thought-provoking. Kind of makes you want an autographed copy of his book, doesn't it? Also courtesy of his site, check this article on addiction to longing (who, me?). It always comes back to brain chemicals.

Billy, thanks for the screenplay title suggestions. Keep 'em coming.

Challenge: The eleventh page. John Rogers wants to know if your monkey's kung fu is strong enough.

Thursday, August 04, 2005


Caught the charming/funny "My Date With Drew." Definitely worth your money. An inspiring "How To" for the lovelorn and indie filmmakers.

There was a Q & A afterwards with star/mastermind Brian Herzlinger and cohorts Brett Winn and Jon Gunn.


Brian was asked if he's seen Drew again. He said she wasn't able to make the LA premiere because she was in NYC. But she invited him to her "50 First Dates" premiere, and yelled his name across a crowded room and hugged him. She asked about "our movie" (My Date With Drew).

Brian's mom asked him to apologize to Drew for calling her slutty. She likes her very much now.

There were many more coincidences that couldn't be shown in the movie. For instance, when Brian got that entry level job at E, his first show was "Lovechain" about...Drew Barrymore. His job was to pull up photos of all of her ex-boyfriends. He posted a black and white picture of himself at the end.

The trio's next project is a TV show in which they help people get their dream dates in thirty days. They asked our audience if anyone needed help.

Some guy asked for a date with Emmanuelle Beart, which the guys quipped would take a lot more than eleven hundred dollars just for the plane ticket to France. Also, they think she's already married (she is, to Daniel Auteuil)

Of course, some bimbo in the audience stood and said she wanted a date with Brian, to which he said "That's not hard. All you had to do was ask." Jon replied that if you really want to score girls, make a movie about trying to get a date with someone else. I'm sure these guys are getting lots of tail.

Brian was asked if he will act again, which he gets asked a lot. Says the only reason he was comfortable being on camera in the first place was because it was just his buddies and a cheap camcorder.

The DVD will be released in November or December, and will contain a bonus twenty minutes of their "date." It was originally schedule for forty-five minutes, but Drew stayed for ninety.

They shot 85 hours of footage, and the first cut was five hours long. They loved every frame of it and thought it was "riveting." The actual editing was the easy part - it only took four months. Actually getting distribution was the bitch.

Before the movie was done, articles about the website appeared in mainstream media. Variety or The Hollywood Reporter did an article on the proposed movie, and they had a ton of interest. But within a few weeks all the heat faded...people loved the idea, but didn't think it was marketable. So they were dead in the water for months, until it finally screened at the HBO Aspen Comedy Festival and beat "Garden State", "Super Size Me" and "Napoleon Dynamite" for the Audience Award. THEN everyone in town came back around again, realizing it was worth the risk because audiences loved it. Brian said it is a hard movie to market, because it's basically a Rom Com wrapped in an eleven hundred documentary.

Obviously, the print costs and clearance rights for the music and TV/film clips must make it more in the million dollar budget range. I'm dying to know what the final budget was and what THAT process was like...but they didn't answer questions about the real story behind the filmmaking.

- Mrs. Mia Wallace

Movie Recommendations

Three movies you may have missed with great screenwriting examples (courtesy of UCLA teacher Wendall Thomas).

Wetherby - Dame Vanessa Redgrave is one sexy beast. This is an intelligent thriller with amazing use of flashback and transitions. And the love scenes with Joely are red hot.

Dirty Pretty Things - Best Inciting Incident ever. Nothing like finding a human heart clogging up your hotel toilet. Great acting, nice use of Others in society, and a taut thriller that is both inevitable and surprising.

The Chateau - When two American brothers inherit a French castle, they are in for a world of hurt from the current tennants. Paul Rudd at his best, in an indie shot on digital. One of the funniest movies I've ever seen. How language itself can be used as all the obstacle and conflict you need. Great example of different voices in each character. And the best use of ironic subtitles since Annie Hall. Je t'aime, potate.

And in theatres now, don't forget to see Murderball and My Date With Drew. Pretty please with sugar on top? You won't be disappointed!

Wednesday, August 03, 2005


I'm so honored. Thank you, John. Rock on, Kung Fu Monkey.

The most unexpected result of all my blathering blogs has been this community of screenwriters. And to be read by "working" screenwriters is the greatest compliment of all.

Since I took down my screenplay progress bars, I promised I'd keep you all updated. Still slugging through my rewrite of my fictional script about twentysomethings taking care of parents with cancer. Yes, Billy Mernit, the Cancer Rom-Com. :)

It's continued to get amazing responses from people, and I do think it's my best script. But polishing it right now while Mom is at the lowest point she's been at medically is tearing me up inside. I feel physically ill working on it. Guess I need to turn it around in my mind. Think about it honoring her...then I can get happy about the work.

Thank the gods Wendall Thomas is right beside me through this rewrite process. I've definitely learned it is the biggest skill in the craft. I'm trying to think about it with the detachment I had when I programmed...just look at each page and find the code that isn't working.

The most important element I've learned from her is how to create integrated sequences (something the UCLA Professional Program didn't touch on at all). I'm also looking at how each scene flows into the next; if there is a sound or visual transition. And does each scene have a beginning/middle/end as if it were its own play. Does each scene perform at least three functions? And because I have five subplots, does each scene advance at least three of my plots? Does each character have an individual voice, and are there key phrases/words that repeat at least three times in plot points?

Oh right. THAT'S why I'm tired. I can't wait until September when this draft is done. It's going to be ready to send out. Which is good, because I'm running out of time. But before then I have to come up with a new name. While "Probationary Period" is a theme that is repeated in the script three times and really sums it up, it isn't reader or matinee-friendly.

So I'm thinking "Garden Station Agent."

Time Marches On

Okay, if you're one of my sensitive readers or Mom's friends from home, LOOK AWAY. I'm going to be talking about girl stuff.

Went to the gyne for my annual. Beloved doctor I've had for twelve years now. And I'm very sad because he seemed really sad. Deflated. On the way out, another patient stopped me to discuss how wonderful he is (and he is...he's one of two surrogate father figures of mine) and mentioned that the reason the waiting room is so cleared out is because he's no longer delivering babies. Something to do with insurance.

So now I've missed out on my fav doctor walking me through that milestone. Which really sucks, because if Mom isn't around for it, they're won't be anyone I trust or love to help me through it. And I'm a big pussy about the whole baby thing.

I wish the universe would stop sending me signals that I've completely blown my life.

Ah well. Maybe I'm one of those women who is going to have lots of cats and adopted babies when I'm fifty.

The other reason I was bummed to go is because he's always so disappointed when I have to report no sexual activity. He'd love to see me happily married and with kids, but in the absence of that, he'd be very supportive if I was enjoying sex. With someone. He wasn't as shocked this year. Just...sad.

I mentioned that all the great guys have girlfriends they won't leave for me. And he shrugged about the girlfriends and said "Even so..."

Which is actually something I've been thinking about all week. How come I have to be the one alone because I'm sticking to the Woman's Code of Honor? I still get dirty looks from the girlfriends when their boyfriends hit on me, even though I've never broken up a relationship. But I'm starting to think, why not? Most guys aren't ever alone...they flit from one relationship to another and often have the next one lined up before they leave. So my code effectively keeps me alone. What good is it doing anyone? If these guys were in love they would have married the girl by now. Having a girlfriend in your thirties just isn't that serious.

And they definitely wouldn't be talking to a group of people at a party while covertly rubbing their back against my back (while she's off somewhere else in the room). If they're such a perfect couple, why the magnetic/soul-matie connection to me? Not that that's happened recently with someone who asked for my number the month before, then met me again and had no memory of me, but connected with me AGAIN across a crowded room. Isn't he just going to leave her anyway and is looking for a nudge? I'm looking for a nudge. With a soul mate.

Which got me to thinking about another script idea (like I need ANOTHER one...ugh...I'm one of those writers with too many thoughts. Yes, that's an effing problem.). What with Adrian Lyne and Zalman King out of the "respectable erotica features for women" category, I should write a movie about a thirty-something woman who ends up paying for good sex so that she can avoid the complications of further bad relationships. Not that that has occurred to me recently. No.

* Ammendment for my FREAKING OUT READERS:

Whoa ladies. I would never shtupp a guy who was with another girl. My ego couldn't take it. I need to be the only chicita.

Rereading what I posted, the confusion is that I mixed up my timelines. Three years ago there was a guy who kept his relationship a secret (we hadn't even kissed, but lots of meaningful talks and connections and all that jazz) until it got the point where I declared my feelings and he said "Huh? Thought you knew I had a girlfriend."


Not the case with Recent Guy, who is quite similar in both soulmate potential and in relationship unavailability. Which got me examining, Carrie Bradshaw-like, "What exactly is unavailable about a guy with a girlfriend? How far can you ethically go to steal them away?"

The fact that I hardly will even flirt with them if they're "taken", that I shut them down immediately and run away...means that there's no reason for them to consider dumping their girlfriend for me. So, they don't.

How much does it take to get a guy to dump his girlfriend? Do I go as far as kissing him? I always thought even talking to much to a "committed" guy was too much. It was dirty pool. But maybe it isn't.

That's what was different this time. When he pressed his back against mine, I PRESSED BACK.

And yes, I know it makes him a cad and therefore unworthy. But clearly some concessions are going to have to be made.

World Peace

And no deficit. Right? Surely only such joyous news could be cause for another presidential vacation.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005


It's his universe. We just live here.

"And the fact of the matter is, a woman stands as tall as she makes you think she is. For example, I always thought [“Buffy” writer-producer] Marti Noxon was four inches taller than she actually was. I just found that out last week." - Joss Whedon


And trying to make them graceful. In classical piano it was called phrasing, and I excelled at it. It was where I could put all my excess enthusiasm and emotion without being labelled "crazy" by linear society. No, I was an artiste who could make the piano weep, as Mom always proudly shouted from the kitchen.

As you know from my resistance to the passing of my cat Calliope, life transitions knot my stomach into little clenched baby fists, stabbing at my innards. Not so fun.

Mom is in the middle of one right now, spiritually deciding should she stay or should she go. As hard as Nurse Sis and I have fought to keep her on the planet, maybe she's done here. It's up to her, and I fully acknowledge the last two months (at least) have not been the lifestyle she was sticking around to enjoy and participate in.

If there's one thing I learned about Calliope, it's that I clung on too long. I'm not going to make that mistake with Mom. I'm here to support her either way. Even if she stays, it will be a transition for her from who she was just six months ago, to accepting a much different lifestyle and body to inhabit.

At S Factor this week I had what they call a "Breakthrough Dance." Because of summer vacations it was a teensy tiny class, and everyone had to leave at the end before I danced. So my amazing teacher Kathleen stayed to let me dance first pole/lap dance for her. I chose this extremely soulful, sad, lyrical remake of "Wild Horses" by Charlotte Martin. Go download it from
it's shattering. Anyway, for the first time I was able to dance alone without pacing myself to the other students...and everything clicked. More specifically, the transitions between each section of the routine felt like pulling warm taffy.

And I don't think I've ever walked into the pole tricks better. To misquote Oprah, I WAS GONE. I haven't felt that comfortable and carefree in my body since I was a teenager in ballet. It was so spiritual. Kathleen was so supportive and excited. I think that she was most impressed by how sloooow I was...I doubled a three minute routine, and wasn't even winded at the end (the next song came on and she growled "Keep going!"). She said I danced like a fourth level student, and that it was so unbelievably sexy. Which is bizarre to hear, but cool. Learning to accept the applause and the "You're gorgeous"es from other women in this revolution of ours. Learning to become addicted to the female support and Woman's Code of Honor.

I kept telling myself I wasn't going to buy my own pole until I dropped fifteen pounds...Eff that. I think I just earned my pole.

But I shouldn't get too cocky yet. Next week we learn the pole climb. Week after that...UPSIDE DOWN. I'm shaking in my feminist Cinderella stilletos.

From Sheila this week: "We teach women to move into their bodies and their curve and away from the linear. We teach women to have no more apology in their body. We teach women to celebrate and find the joyful in their movement."

Jesus, the radio station is actually playing New Kids on the Block. Talk about a BAD transition. It's sooooo bad, my ears are burning. For better music, check out my iTunes playlist S Factor Slow: id=437606

Monday, August 01, 2005

1:11 am

And Nurse Sis is still at the hospital with Mom. See what I mean about keeping her alive? NS is a patient's dream.

My PostSecret...I know who is writing the foreward for Mom's Cancer. And you don't.