Saturday, April 30, 2005

Comic Book Prejudice

Huh. When did it become cool to slam an entire group of people for their preferred media? Case in point. Big Bro forwarded that review link to me because of the feminist angle, and I ended up emailing him a lengthy rant that I've continued here (not against big bro, he's just the messenger).

The reviewer acknowledges the mythic element of superhero graphic novels and the films based on them, then dismisses them as unworthy of any accolades because they aren't as important as low budget talky films. This is exactly why I admire Ebert's film reviews. He's able to distinguish between genres and rate the films against other films in that genre instead of elevating the importance of one category over another (the way the Oscars extoll dramas).

Also, I don't see the point of appropriating feminist theory to exclude women from an entire genre of film because you don't like the people who like that genre. How is that progressive for women? And to site the misogynistic Short Cuts as an example of feminism in head almost spun off my shoulders. What? Have you read feminist film theory in the last fifteen years?

And how come post modern referentiality is fresh in Pulp Fiction, but stupid in Kill Bill? Seems like the reviewer felt exluded from the genre references in KB, while PF made broad cultural references so that everyone got something. I mean, what's so much more special about the Royale with Cheese monologue than the Superman monologue other than everyone's grown up on fast food commercials, and not everyone has actually read a Superman comic? As far complex morality, Bud and Bill had plenty of it. I love Bud's reasoning for letting Beatrix come for him, as much as I love the complexity of Elle wanting to be the one to kill her rather than Bud (Sisterhood against the men, but in the end it's every girl for herself).

Giving your opinion is one thing. Thinking it's cool to display ignorant bias against an entire group of people you name "fanboys" is prejudice. Substitute any other group of oppressed people just trying to get by in the world, and you would not be allowed to sling those stones. All it takes is a jock beating a fanboy to death in some highschool, and this reign of verbal abuse will end.

Fanboys know we're geeks. You already told us all through gradeschool, so we created our own clique where we could breathe. Don't come on our turf now trying to beat us down with how geeky we are. Eff you. Just go back to ignoring us in the world that you own and leave our little empowered subculture alone. I mean really, everybody's interests are weird to others. Wine tasting? Sports? Jazz music? Collector plates? Movies? But I haven't seen the collective vitriol aimed against these groups. Guess comic book lovers are easy to keep beating down.

For you "fanboys with decoder rings" (ohhhh...that REALLY HURTS....coming from a pedantic snob), enjoy this little flash site: Evil Dead Regenerartion. Particularly enjoyable: the Bolex transformed into an "Evilflex" in the gallery section.

Last but not least, check out the letter to the editor from Carrie about the Mom's Cancer appearance in The San Diego Reader. This person clearly didn't bother to read the comic, but did bother to write a letter about its content based on the prejudice that because the medium is comics, Mom's Cancer must be meant as a cruel joke. And ended the argument with "And I think that you suck." Huh?

Is this what my family is going to be dealing with now? Hate mail from comic bashers?

Prejudice against comics.

Class action lawsuit, anyone? Fanboys assemble!

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Hometown Follow Up

I told Robert, the stellar Hertz employee who came through for Mom and me, to check the blog because I'd written about his amazing, valiant service under "Suckfest '05" comments. Robert was all alone at a busy Hertz office, and still managed to get Mom and me a pick up and great car in time to make her medical appointment (actually the exact same situation Enterprise bungled and then yelled at me about the day before). Since Robert couldn't find the comment, thought I'd give him a shout out here where he won't miss it. Hertz and Assistant Manager Robert, thanks for the first-rate service! You saved our bacon!

And no, still haven't had my emails returned from much you want to bet they charged Mom's credit card for the car they promised and rudely didn't deliver? I still can't believe how mean their representative was on the phone to me. Yikes.

Hertz: the official choice of Mom and Kid Sis.

So I got the x-ray results from my internist, and it appears I have bronchitis, not walking pneumonia. I have no idea what the difference is. All I know is I'm burning up with fever, my whole body feels made of snot, and for some reason I want to run around flailing my arms screaming "Whaaaaah!!!!" Don't know why that sounds so good. Maybe it's the short attention span.

Calliope, my kitty, is sedated and sleeping in the bathroom right now because of her projectile nose bleeds. I'm going to wake her up in a few minutes and take her to my room so we can fall asleep feeling crappy together. Waiting on a test result to see if she possibly has some kind of fungal thing caused by bird poop that takes six months to heal/clot, instead of nose cancer. Fingers crossed.

Again, "Whaaaaah!!!!!!"

If I could feel, it would be good to feel home.

Courtesy of cyberfriend Louie's site, check out Darth Vader's Blog.

Endless fun here at the Name Generator. Let me know some of your results! And I want to hear how you'd autograph your book to a fan!

Autographed Copies

Love the way Jim Edgar signs his Bad Cat books:

"You know I am watching you, don't you?
If you are reading this, I am already dead.
Happy _____________ <-- Fill in with appropriate holiday.
For __________ & __________ <-- Your name and your cat's name.
So, this is how you spend a week's pay?!
I hope you are a woman.

On the "autographed copy" stickers, I inserted such words as "insanely", "discreetly", "Personalizable", "Holiday edition", etc. BUT, I did show up completely sober, so a treat for them."

I hope Brian takes a cue from Jim. Can you imagine the Mom's Cancer signatures?

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Going Home

Mom and I go home tomorrow. Looking forward to my bed and seeing our animals. It's been fun seeing some people in our hometown, though I'm so miserably sick I've had to stay away from all but the hardy.

Had fun with my 17 year old nieces yesterday, just hanging out playing video games and watching TV. They got me through my first full CSI episode (which I liked, much to my surprise). It reminded me of Nancy Drew for adults. I used to be addicted to those books, so I may have to catch up with CSI reruns to recapture that old spirit.

Then I watched American Idol with Big Bro and Sis in Law. Wow, the idols were all pretty crummy this week. Must be a flu going around the household. And the serial killer is still on! Wish you could vote people OFF, instead of voting for your favorite.

I've added some links on the bottom right to cool sites, so feel free to peruse. My favorite is

Monday, April 25, 2005


I just had my 5,000th lookie-loo on this site. Not unique visits, but 5,000 total pages viewed. Very cool.

My new cyberfriend Buster (my taxi driver/local tv commercial producer from this morning) wrote in to say he checked out the site, and to remind me that the director/producer we spoke of is Amin Q. Chaudry (Tiger Warsaw) . Anyway, pretty interesting story about Chaudry setting up some kind of local school system for filmmakers in Ohio. Might be worth some of you aspiring types to research.

Looks like I'm going to hang out with my seventeen year old nieces after school tomorrow, which I'm totally looking forward to. They're cool chicks.

Tonight our friend LUKAS BEHNKEN will be on Everwood!! He plays Topher Cole, a very nervous, quirky sixteen year old Junior in high school who finally gets the nerve to ask out Hannah (Sarah Drew). Lukas has been a great help to us, and we wish him well in his acting career. He will also appear as Topher on May 9, 16, 23rd. Fingers crossed for next season!

Two More Funnies

Courtesy of LDH again. He's got a fun site!

The meaing of Dooced and a sure way to increase site traffic to your blog, according to The Collusus.

Must go nap. Nothing useful accomplished. Eyes burning. Me addicted blogger. Smash computer.

Double Dare

Just finished watching Chocolate again, and got the phone call from Mom. All's clear healthwise. The swelling has continued to go down in her brain, and the doctors are optimistically hopeful that she will regain the ability to move her right leg eventually!

In honor of our favorite tenacious woman, thought I would give you a scoop about two other powerful femmes. Here's a review that didn't make it on to Ain't it Cool last weekend:

Mrs. Mia Wallace here with a heads up about a great movie in limited release this week in LA, and throughout April in May in other select cities.

It's a documentary called "Double Dare", a behind the scenes look at stuntwomen Zoe Bell and Jeannie Epper. Both legends in their own right, these women are responsible for making our onscreen heroines Wonder Woman, Xena, and The Bride kick ass.

Behind the scenes, these two ladies kick ass in Hollywood in a male dominated field. They're utterly charming, disarming, and wild. Zoe is a glittering star in her own right (the guys at the Q & A at last year's Sonoma Valley Film Festival fell in love with her in person and onscreen). And Quentin Tarantino is such a fan of Jeannie and her legendary family of stuntpeople, he cast her in "Kill Bill" as the chaplin's wife. Why someone isn't making a sitcom starring the odd couple buddy team of Jeannie and Zoe is beyond me.

So check out the movie; it's got laughs, excitement, behind the scenes looks at your favorite stunts, a beautiful babe, a history lesson, and some great interviews with people like Tarantino and Spielberg talking about the Eppers. I was completely entertained.

Check the official website for special one week screenings/Q & A's with Amanda and the stars around the USA.

Suckfest '05

I know people have worse lives than me, but man I'm on the brink of what I can handle.

I'm in my hometown alone in a hotel room watching "Chinatown" again. My walking pneumonia is back, along with excrutiating headaches from my latest whiplash car accident in January. I wish drivers would stop ploughing into me. Anyway, upshot is I've had to cancel on all but my hearty friends who aren't terrified of my nuclear reactoresque germs. I actually fell asleep on my nieces yesterday. I'm sure they were thrilled to see me.

Mom and Big Bro are at Impressive University getting her 3 month checkup. Everything should be fine. Meanwhile, Nurse Sis is holding down the fort, keeping the animals company back in Hollywood. But I get a phone call yesterday from her that Calliope has a nose bleed that won't stop, presumably from undiagnosable cancer, and that she's worried a vet will want to put my kitty to sleep before I get back in town. And of course I was in such a hurry when I left I didn't even pet her goodbye.

I rented a car online last night, then called today and was rudely told there were no cars available for me as I was an internet customer who "snuck in" ahead of the ten real customers waiting in line. Thank you, Julie at the Old Redwood Highway branch for being a big turd to me, and telling me you were going to find me a car and call me back when you had no intention of doing so. Funny, the Enterprise website didn't mention that as a selling point and still hasn't answered my irate email requesting a refund for the car they can't find me. Hertz, here I come.

So I took a $28 taxi ride to my neuropsychologist appointment this morning. My taxi driver was a screenwriter who pitched me ideas, which was kind of surreal. He had some interesting stories about a low budget Hollywood director setting up a studio training system in his small town of Ohio.

It was great to see Dr. Rick Olcese again; he feels more like my dad than my dad. Rick had good and bad news for me. He thinks from the multiple whiplashes I have "thoracic outlet syndrome", the good news being a diagnosis makes treatment possible. The bad news being the treatment is in northern California and can be as extreme as removing my top rib to get rid of the headaches. Uh...yikes. Then again, can't function with these headaches and doublevision.

Blah blah blah life sucks. One ray of light...the neurofeedback specialist who helped me with my past injuries is going to be training me so I can treat myself (poor guy is sick himself now and isn't really seeing patients). Dr. Olcese offered me a job in his office anytime treating his patients, and thinks I can probably do the same in LA under another doctor. It would be nice to have specialized computer skills again, only this time putting them to use for the Aquired Brain Injury community instead of big bad insurance corporations.

God my throat hurts. Aaaaggggh. I'm going to walk to the nearby gas station now and buy some cold remedies.

Wasn't that cheery? Aren't you glad you stopped by?

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Hi From My Hometown

Hi all,

This is just a quickie so you know I didn't forget you. Thanks for all the great comments; they're keeping me giggling. I'm sitting in a hotel room with Mom watching Groundhog's Day for the umpteenth time (the part where they're throwing the deck of cards in the hotel room and Phil is really learning how to fall in love).

Anyway, we go to Impressive University on Monday. Meanwhile, we're visiting friends and old haunts. And I swear, I think I'm getting my walking pneumonia back, because I feel like crud. Thank God for Ambien. I had a great time today visiting Kim and Wendy, getting an amazing sculpture from Dave, and talking/laughing/eating all day with one of my oldest and dearest friends, Valencia. Thanks, all!

I've had many questions from the blog universe about my kitty Calliope...her blood tests were such that the vet doesn't want to risk putting her under for a head x-ray. So she probably has head cancer, but we're not going to know officially. We're just going to play it by ear and give her as good a life as possible. So far, so good.

XO, Lis

Thursday, April 21, 2005 Rules

Shout out to Jeff Oliver, the lead network administrator for!

Jeff found Mom's Cancer through Penny-Arcade's Eisner article. Then he tracked down Mom, Brian, and my email addresses to let us know he's already upgraded our counters and other great bravenet features, all gratis because he wants people to be able to read the comic ad-free!

Jeff, thanks for taking action, and supporting Mom's Cancer. I'm sorry your family has been touched by cancer, but glad you were touched by my family. Thanks for impacting our lives, too.


Man, I had a whole 'nother post erased AGAIN. And it was a long one. About a great class last night, and a crappy neurologist appointment today, all sorts of personal stuff about my head injury...guess you're not supposed to know.

My friend bought my Star Wars ticket for me today. I know it's going to suck, but I'm still going at midnight. I'm such a sucker. At least I don't support the Lucas toy empire anymore.

Oh, one other curious thing to relate: ran into my neighborhood convenience store for litter for Pissy today and saw a prostitute come in with this gross guy in a Mercedes. Classic. She was all decked out and fake happy, asking if she could drive his car. He asked if she was old enough, could he see her license, which he then read out loud. She grabbed it back from him all playful "Stop! Don't read my name outloud!" Insert giggle. Then she walked down my aisle and I looked her in the eye, and her eyes were DEAD. Man, like a vampire. Wow. Not that the guy had any better energy. Can't even imagine what fun they were on their way to not have.

If I feel up to it later, I'll tell you how I avoided being assaulted in Inglewood today by two guys on crack.

I'll leave you with these nuggets from my friend Michael, who found 'em on the Onion.

New chatroom shorthand:


(Christ I'm fat)


(Not to bring up Star Wars again, but...)

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

What Personality Disorder are You?

This quiz is very fun, courtesy of LDH.

I'm Kramer, a Schizotypal:

A bit odd and socially isolated.
You couldn't care less of what others think.
And some of your beliefs are a little weird.
Like that time you thought you were Jesus.

Sounds on the money to me.


My 19 year old kitty Calliope might have cancer (she was in the comic book for one panel, peeking in looking like Bill the Cat).

She had cancer right when Mom was sickest, just a patch on her little kitty nose. A great friend of Brian's is a vet, and got rid of the cancer for free for us by using Calliope as a test subject for a new laser. I really appreciated that, because I couldn't have taken losing her at the time. And she has had a great life since! Probably the best years of her life.

Totally come out of her shell and been feiiiisty. We nicknamed her Pissy. She rules the roost over Hero and Nurse Sis' labrador Stat, and loves every minute of being the Queen.

Anyway, for the last 6 weeks her eye and what's left of her nose has been goopy, just on one side. The doctor was worried about putting her under to explore her one tooth and nose, because there's always a risk with anasthesia. But that was six weeks ago. Now that the problem has persisted and her nose looks bloody, the doc is thinking cancer. He's going to put her under with just gas tomorrow or the next day so he can get a head x-ray and clean her teeth.

I'm very sad, but not unrealistic. I know I have to say goodbye to my little girl someday. But for now, she's still so feisty and happy. I swear I'll do right by her as soon as she's in pain, but just today she was outside sunning herself, purring away. It's just hard; I've gone to sleep with her on my bed for nineteen years.

Oh, and I had a dream last night about Scully and Skinner. So weird. No People Movers. Mom still wins for originality. She pretended to be a good sport about the posting about her sleeptalking, cuz she's a trooper. But she totally remembered her dream.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Dreaming of Scully

My new script is a "Galaxy Quest" treatment of Gillian Anderson playing Scully, because I think the world is in love with the archetypal figure of Clarice/Scully and desperately needs her. And if you doubt me, check out this AICN column from last week.

Scully's on my brain, and since I make Mom proof read, she's on Mom's brain.

Mom talks in her sleep. I mean, you can interact with her. It's scary.

So imagine 5 minutes ago, Mom snoring logs, then suddenly shouts out "Well, Scully will take care of it! She'll wipe those a**holes out!"

Snoring. A minute later:

"She'll figure out what the f*ck she's supposed to do."

At which point I'm howling. Then Mom says "Are you 100% sure there's not a closet behind that closet, Lis? 'Cause it's going."

Which actually gave me pause. I mean, I don't know...maybe Mom unconscious is seeing aliens or ghosts in our house...what do I know? So I say "Mom, what does Scully see?"

Mom yells "She's just sure there's something up in that attic. She wants to rip into it."

Okay, now I'm a tad freaked. But Mom's still snoring in between each sentence when she adds:

"She wants to go on one of those People Walkers, like in the airport. Sounds cool."

Sounds cool indeed, Mom.

Her last intelligible comment?

"Boy those little cap sleeves do nothing for her. I'll tell you. Man."

That must have been some dream. Just makes me more determined to keep writing my screenplay, even if a lot of people don't get it. Hell, I need Scully in my life.

This will be my last post, because Mom is going to kill me when she wakes up and reads this.


I've had some questions about my spywork for AICN. Here's another review you can read.

And here's a scoop I sent in Friday that didn't get published, but might still have some information in it that's interesting to you all. Especially if you're a friend reading this blog who doesn't know what an Eisner award is.

Hi Hercules and Moriarty,

This is Mrs. Mia Wallace reporting in. Sorry it's been a while since my last scoop. These two are for coaxial and comics, so edit away!

Today I caught the Family Guy promotional contest down at the Grove in LA before the big Wiltern Live Shows tonight. Seth McFarlane and Mila Kunis were there for a mini press junket, and to judge a Stewie sound alike contest. Contstants were given a sheet full of infamous Stewie quotes, and could read a few of them or recite their own. KROQ co-sponsored the event, and Lightning hosted. They gave away the new FG books and Vegas Live CDs to trivia winners, and copious shwag to the rest of us.

Out of 25 contestants, there were about eight damn good impressionists, two of whom were women. The best contestants knew show lines by heart and riffed away. The three prizes added up to around $5,000 total. Not bad for a minute of aspiring to world domination. All 25 attempts were taped, presumably for FOX promotions.

The runner up was this little 12 year old boy, who was just hysterical saying Stewie's smartiepants insults. When they picked him, the boy went into this stupor that rivaled Jan Brady's TV taping trance. Biggeset moment of the kid's life. Lightning actually asked him if he'd just smoked a bowl.

While Mila was doing her interviews, she revealed that this season Meg will be dying her hair blonde, going to Hollywood, becoming a Britney Spears wannabe, and becoming a lesbian. Mila seemed charming and intelligent, and kept praising the show for being smart, and an equal-opportunity offender. "Every group gets their chance."

Maybe this is old news to you all, but I thought someone out there might enjoy hearing it.

Other comic happenings:

After much speculation, the Eisner Awards have added a brand new category: Best Digital Comic. It's the dawning of a new era.

There are six online comics competing, and it will be a worthy competition.

Best Digital Comic

Athena Voltaire by Steve Bryant
Bento & Starchky by zer0 (Peter Branting)
Copper by Kazu
Jonny Crossbones by Les McClaine
Mom's Cancer by Brian Fies
Ojingogo by matt forsythe

One of the nominations went to my brother's comic Mom's Cancer. Brian already has a book deal for the comic, and is really flattered to be going to Comic-con as one of the first of six digital nominees.

I'm sure the other digital nominees would love to see a mention of their work and this momentous changing of the old guard on AICN. It signals the legitimization of a distribution method that any AICN reader can afford. There are so many talented, creative comic fans out there hoping for their shot. Ain't it cool that now they have one.

The 2005 Eisner nominees list still isn't at the Comic-con site yet, but it is available at The Comics Reporter. Can't wait to read what AICN Comics thinks.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Aint it Cool

Hey, go check out my movie review. It's great to be a spy again.

Mrs. Mia Wallace

Not sure what happened there for a while, because my last six reviews were rejected, even a different one I sent in on Friday. I think sometimes they conflicted with the exclusive Q & As other spy regulars had, but then some of them I couldn't figure out what exactly was wrong with them. Anyway, it's nice to get flamed on the AICN boards again. The editors like my writing and the talkbackers always hate it.

Actually, to give you fanboys a tip on how to impress a woman, Moriarty (Drew) gave me my alltime favorite compliment. He wrote I was "spectacularly cute" on the site. I wish I was mature enough to place any compliments about my intellect first, but I'm a girl and that statement touched me. It's sweet, and about attractiveness without being salacious. Every grrrl needs reassurance. So, remember that line, boys. Just don't go using it in some cheesy bar or you'll ruin the effect. Save it for your girlfriends or big crushes.

Update on the Monologue Slam: Christina Wickers and I went and rocked them. We had a great time, didn't win, but definitely figured out the game. The top four monologues WERE all memorized and performed with great gusto, and were comedies. So we didn't really stand a chance, reading my dramatic pieces. But on the plus side, we had free fun, figured out what it takes to win and realized it's not worth going back to win, and got some attention for my writing.

The first one minute monologue was cut short by the judge, just as Christina was finishing the last sentence. The audience actually took a collective breath and then complained about not getting to hear the end. Christina said "Isn't that just like a woman to be late." She's so rocking, she had them eating out of the palms of her hand. I'm actually glad she was late, it gave me more information as the writer.

One of the judges, a producer from Disney, came up to us during the break and told me he'd gone to school with Christopher Durang and that I reminded him of the Master!!!! Okay, actually, that's a really great compliment, too. But it will only work in Hollywood bars on educated actresses. He and another hotshot told me I should be a novelist. Okay. Any publishers looking for an edgy novelist?

I was pretty disappointed at who won and who made it into the final round. I was really rooting for this amazing Swedish woman who wrote like Maya Angelou, and another European woman who was a lesbian, and just bared her soul onstage. But they both read their words instead of performing them in that terrible overacting style of most monologues. It says so much to me that they didn't make the cut, because if it's truly a writing contest, they were the writers there. We felt really bad we didn't get a chance to tell them how much we loved their work, because they looked new to Hollywood and those events can be discouraging. Considering it was an ALAP event, there just wasn't mingling among the members or any vibe of support. Christina and I were actually laughing at how competitive it was considering the title didn't really matter. If we could come together and support each other instead of competing, we might be able to get something done in this town.

Oh, and the best news is they're publishing the monologues in a compilation book, so I'll have another nice credit there. Yeah!

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Balls to Bones, Part II

Okay, so I'm entering my Uncircumcised Penis Monologue (see my March 10th blog entry) into ALAP's monologue slam today. My gorgeouse actress friend Christina Wickers is doing the performance.

We just cackled on the phone together. I told her I was going to actually put on makeup and dress up for today. Christina said "Go get cute so we can blow their minds...We're totally going to win."

Hehhehee. Being a neo-feminist is so much fun.

I had a dream last night that Seth McFarlane liked me liked me. And I never get to have dreams like that. It must have been seeing him in person yesterday. He's one dreamy, hot piece of smartass. Guess I have to officially withdraw my job application (see below) if I'm going to be crushing on him. Sigh.

I don't know, I had a great Friday the 13th. Thanks everyone!

And since you're all appreciators of sequential art, please send some love to my talented comic-artist friend Charles Yoakum. He's inked Batman, Hellboy, and for Paul Gulacy, among many others, and now has his own digital comic in the works. You can see his amazing stuff at


Mom's Cancer's secret-website-for-Eisner-judging has around 20,000 hits?

I have to go wipe up my spit-take.

570 Unique Visitors

My mind is officially blown. In one day, I've received 1/3 of the visitors I've had in the last two months. And many of you stuck around to read a total of 898 pages!

I'm going to bed now. You awesome fanboys/nightowls, please enjoy prowling.

Oh, and an addendum to my previous job application: I would also love to be a writer's assistant, or assistant to a writer's assistant, or assistant lackey/dog poo picker-upper to a writer's assistant's writer's assistant, especially to some super genius like Seth McFarlane, Drew Goddard, Jane Espenson, David Kelley.

Thank you and good night.

And if you're an AICN reader...


Friday, April 15, 2005


474 of you? You're so quiet and considerate, I hardly noticed. God bless cheesy counters that tell a blogger what's really going on!

I feel all breathless and queasy, like I'm 14 trying to call a boy on the phone. What do I do? Should I try to tap dance for you like Natalie Portman? I can't tap dance. I can break a board with my elbows and scream like Bruce Lee. Wanna see that?

I don't know if I deserve all this attention, but thanks for looking. Come on in, and I hope you find something entertaining. Might have to dig down through a few months of posts.

Okay, I just caught my breath and know what I should be saying. Anyone looking to hire a writer? I'm cheap and love most TV shows...I don't eat a lot, have cute puppy dog eyes, and I'll be real quiet and sleep in the corner curled up with the other screenwriters. I'm also almost housebroken! Just don't get me wet or feed me after midnight.

Hello Strangers

Ah, the Eisner nominations are clearly out now. Welcome to my website, and thanks for reading Mom's Cancer.

If you have any fond feelings for Mom, please drop her a comment on her blog.

She's having a really rough two weeks, and is way too brave to tell you all. The full paralysis in her right leg is back now that they took her off the dangerous steroids, and she's scared and exhausted. It takes 45 minutes to wheel herself out to the kitchen for coffee in the morning. Which translates to riding Nurse Sis and me like Tauntauns. Just don't tell her I asked you all for some help/love, cuz she wants to do it herself. And as we all know, when she puts her mind to something she can halt incurable diseases in their tracks.

Holy Goodness! And if you still can't find Mom's Cancer, it's cuz it's at a SECRET PLACE. Swivel three times in your chair and click here: You'll have to go the rest of the way on your own. I know nothing, said nothing.

RIP Andre Francois. Condolences to his family. And I'm so sad that Will Eisner is gone, this year of all years. So close, yet so far from our heroes.

Mom's Cancer Back on Web -Limited Time Only

Holy crap, go read it fast and vote for him (I'm allowed to say that, I'm his sister)!!! Thank you Harry N. Abrams Inc., you guys rock!!!!


It didn't come across right in my quickly dashed previous blog, but the outline experience Wednesday night was brutal from the class, not entirely the Professor (hey, he's earned and prefers professor). Dave, I'm sure you're covering your butt again just reading this given your section last week :) "Merciless shredding" of your pitch? Ouch.

The funny thing is, I was thinking of someone else in the class when I wrote my Whoo-hoo blog, but my Professor read it and wrote me a nice comment which made me realize it sounded like it was all about him. Even funnier, Blogger gave me an error message that initially said the offending Whoo-hoo blog hadn't been published, just like 5 of my other blogs in the last two weeks. But I didn't rewrite it again, cuz it was sort of like writing a mad letter and having the internet burn it for me. Imagine my shock to come home from a bar tonight and find a note on my website from my Professor about what I thought was my deleted griping. Even funniest, I never told him I had a blog.

Some points worth clarifying to you all:

My professor does like a comic (Stray Bullets), but possibly doesn't get people who go to Comic-con like myself (MY interpretation, not a direct quote). And two of his favorite movies are sci-fi (Alien and Gattaca, great choices IMHO). And I still like him and think he's smart, even if he's never seen X-Files, therefore not grocking the premise of my screenplay.

And I did come out alive, if limping, from the classroom experience. And didn't cry, or scream, or call anyone a dummy. And managed to eventually get across what I was trying to express without losing my vision. And already integrated the constructive suggestions into my screenplay today. All huge positives that Nurse Sis was just encouraging me to write about. A bit of writerly growth for me, really.

And I still can't sit down from the anal fissure one fellow classmate gave me during the critique. Ouch. Felt like innapropiate retaliation, but maybe it's just the cat's style. There were other rippages felt from him around the room when we moved on to other people's pages. Drugstore sold out of butt doughnuts the next day.

I really wish I'd picked one of my ten other script ideas for this quarter because I want to get the most valuable feedback and have my sensei like what I wrote.

Oh yeah. And the big secret is...



I'm now an Eisner-nominated cartoon character.

Why am I single? You fanboys better watch out come July.

Seriously, first the Oscars and now the Eisners. I'm a lucky, lucky fangrrrl.

I even sprung for five days at the goood hotel in San Diego. See y'all in July! :) the way...The drunkenly rambling comment back to my professor is not worth reading for anybody else, possibly even him. My verbosity is probably why I'm single. (can't blame my mom or this crowd will stone me).

Sensei, I publicly promise not to send you any poems or cause you to need security posted outside the classroom.

Thursday, April 14, 2005


Got my tickets!!!! Had a little scare because the tickets didn't go on sale until 10:20 (Wassup, ticketmaster?). But I'm set.

Got ripped a new a-hole in class last night for my awesome script. For about an hour. Fun fun fun. Turns out the teacher hates comics and sci-fi. Greaaaat. Luckily 4 of my classmates got it and loved it. It's called a niche market, people. That's what I wanted.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Big Secret

I'm not supposed to say anything.

And the Licks!

Juliette Lewis tickets at the Troubador go on sale tomorrow. Whoo-hoo!

Feels like I've been waiting forever to see her live (Guess I long ago was "Strange Days"?). Can't wait, she KICKS ASS!!!!! I want a portal into HER brain!

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Siiin City

Saw it. Loooved it.

Had to wait until Sunday to see it because I'm a member of the Sci Fi Academy, and they've been showing such crappy films this year I wanted to justify my membership fee.

Still, really wish now I'd seen it opening night with people who got it. Because nobody clapped at my screening, and I was ready to jump on my seat and take my top off.

Would give my left tit to work with any or all three of those guys. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. They continue to amaze and inspire me. And how RR can stays under the radar making fast, cheap, fantastic films while Hollywood scratches its collective balls...Wish he was my mentor.

I had a dream last night about making a Friday the 13th type film with a digital camera. Probably because after class, I found out between me and my screenwriting drinking buddies we have four cameras. Of course, mine is the only Sony 150, so I couldn't change lenses like they can with their Canons. And of course none of us had a P24.

Hard to think about that much work without access to a REAL digital camera like RR uses. It would look so sweet, even without the money for blue screen tricks.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Cool Happenings

I've had some amazing experiences this week. John Cleese and Ed Solomon taught my UCLA lecture class. They spoke for hours on the creative process and the realities of Hollywood screenwriting. Lucky, lucky me.

And tonight I saw Margaret Cho's Assasin tour. She's so frigging fracking cool. They better make a DVD of Assasin (so far they aren't going to be, so start emailing asking for one!). She's got some great new material ("I've used a strap-on dildo before, but only on straight men...but you have to be careful. You have to really love him. Because you are not getting rid of him after that. He will stay by your side. Trust me, I've got the restraining orders to prove it.")

Loooove her. It was really interesting, too, because I went alone as I often do to these things. It was at the Wiltern, a somewhat questionable area of Korea town, near an old apartment of mine.

Anyway, Margaret is all about The Personal is Political, and always speaks out about what it's like to experience racism as a minority in this country. On the way out, grinning from laughing my ass off, I decided to buy a t-shirt off a scalper. Really cute black guy who couldn't believe I went alone, or understand why I thought she was funny. Then he leaned in real close and conspirationally said, "You know, there's a lot of Asians here." At which point I showed him my Asian tatoo.

How weird is that? I'm as transparent white as Europeans come, and somehow this guy just knew I knew where he was coming from. It's so strange to me that people always default to believing the people around them think the same way they do. I was friendly and open, therefore I was an ally in racism? It's so sad. Reminds me of the Oprah with Lisa on it this week about the realities of prison life, and how it's segregated by races...and they self-regulate to make sure no one crosses the lines. What is that? It's so foreign to me. And yet, the UCLA quad looks exactly the same way. Don't know if anyone gets shanked for crossing a line, but you're sure made to feel uncomfortable.

Don't know how this turned into a racism pondering. I really was going to tell you the inside scoop on the great performances I saw. But this seemed more pressing.

Blogger Issues

Sorry no new updates. I've posted 3 times, all of which have vanished into the ethers. If this works, I'll try again when I feel like crossing my fingers again.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Hollywood Gossip

Wow! Look at all the people who've been checking the site out. Thanks, your support means much. Don't forget to drop me a note; I've committed to returning comments.

Big Bro left early this morning after building a beautiful ramp for the now mobile Mom. He got to know our great Hollywood neighbors. I swear, we live in Mayberry, not a big city. So much foot traffic with so many friendly, nosy people! :)

I finished my script and missed the contest deadline by twenty minutes. Self-sabotage, sure, but also completely up to one bitchy UCLA secretary on a power trip. She accepted a couple dozen scripts without the signed paperwork that was required (and I had), but came down on me for twenty minutes because "Rules are rules". Hope she has a very happy life with her house full of cats, cuddling with the scripts she arbitrarily rejects. Whatever.

It's just another way UCLA shoots themselves in the foot. Their program is only as valuable as their successful alumni say it is, and a secretary just deleted someone the program head thinks is a brilliant writer. How dumb is that? It does them no good to have yet another pissed off alumna who doesn't want to represent their program because of their mickey mouse bureaucracy and lack of focus on what's important.

I can't tell you how pissed off my classmates are at various horribly stupid problems in this program, including the half-assed coverage we just received from our section professors. What we're receiving doesn't match the glossy program brochure, and feels very half-hearted. I don't know one satisfied student, yet the administration blithely carries on thinking they've got the best screenplay program in the country. I was a loyal bruin alumna, but this treatment is forcing me to check out USC.

The good news is, I got to write THE END on another feature-length script. I'm going to polish it a couple more times over the next two weeks and exchange it again with the best two readers in my class. A script is never really "done," but this one will be ready for my portfolio in two weeks. If I can go back and shine up the one I finished last September about Mom, then I'll be ready to look for an agent in June when I finish my third script (at UCLA, my fifth finished feature a good writer, I tossed out the first two I ever wrote as exercises. And my produced plays and short films don't matter to an agent).

Received an email from my new section professor asking us to bring the two page synposis for the spring quarter script and the first five pages to class next week. Yikes! They weren't kidding about writing the next one in ten weeks, while overlapping with the one we were finishing! Geez, no spring break for me. But I'm thrilled with my new teacher assignment because he has the best record of students succeeding, which is what I want.

Big Bro wants me to share some of the Hollywood stories I know. Thought you all would find it interesting. A friend of mine entered "Project Greenlight" two contests ago. If you submit a screenplay, you're required to read x amount of scripts. Apparently, there's a bit of a cheating going on. The writers are so competitive they knock others out of the race by giving them lousy coverage.

According to my friend, you get a handful of reviews from other contestants, all with a vested interest in having you fail, then the Project Greenlight people delete your high and low score to try to make up for the BS going on. Yeah, I'm sure that does the trick. Now I get why the scripts that have won have been so lousy!

The weird thing about Hollywood is that a good movie starts with a good script, but most production companies literally hire untrained secretaries and interns to do the script coverage when they're finished with their awful daily grind of grunt work. Sorry, but one weekend seminar with Robert McKee can't make an illiterate nineteen year old recognize a good script.

The system is all backwards, and it doesn't take a higher degree in Organizational Development to see what's not working. They should be paying beaucoup salaries to qualified writers and screenwriting professors who know what the hell they're talking about. They'd get a much better return on their multi-million dollar investments. Crazy, crazy, crazy, and so easily fixable.

If you haven't been watching the new (and probably last) season of Project Greenlight on Bravo, tune in. You can still catch up; they're rerunning the first three episodes and it is fabulous. The process of making this movie is more frightening than any horror movie they can dream up. The crazy thing is, I was rooting for the schluppy hollywood outsider to make it as a director, until he turned into a raving idiot. I've never watched anyone be that clueless or self-destructive. I'm sorry if anyone knows him;

I don't mean to be mean. I'm just shocked someone who's been working near the industry for thirty years could blow the best thing that's ever happened to him by being so tragically uneducated and uninformed. A great reminder to everyone else to check your ego, read your film history books, and be ready for your big break!

Talent - Preparation = Compulsively Watchable Reality Television.