Okay, I do have something to say today. Something that's been weighing on my mind all weekend.
I've been toying with taking this blog down. I've noticed recently that many of my outspoken heroines on the web (Julia Sweeney, Dooce, Margaret Cho, Cher, my own AICN persona) have been getting hate mail from some really scary people. Now normally my attitude is, fuck them. I really don't care what other people think of me.
So this all wasn't bothering me so much until I saw some ugly picketers in front of Cher's Hollywood concert saying what amounted to kill Catholics and fags. I went to their website, then I went to the republican website bothering Margaret Cho, and I thought I was going to throw up from all the hate. I have a live and let live attitude about people's beliefs and lives as long as they aren't hurting other people, which these people are and are encouraging from their followers.
The thing is, I don't know how big Mom's Cancer is going to blow up. Obviously, we're hoping it's going to be around a long time and change many lives. Brian and the publisher have taken special pains to make sure it is accessible to people of all beliefs and ages. And I guess I'm just thinking, ANYONE could read this book and then find me. And really not like me.
I'm pretty anonymous in the book. I don't think my personality is an issue. All you really get is that I'm tenacious and disabled and had something to do with the Power Rangers and would rather die than not be struggling in Hollywood. But then readers come to this blog, and suddenly I have an overabundance of personality and views that aren't my brother's or the book's.
Even though I was used in the book, I'm wondering what right I really have to use the book for an audience for my little blog. And even further, why I am I blogging at all; what purpose does that serve in my life and anyone who reads it (see Julia Sweeney's intriguing May 1st blog about this subject)?
When I first started blogging, I was exclusively writing about our family and how cancer is still impacting it. Then Big Bro encouraged me to write about Hollywood as well, because he thought I had some interesting stories for you all. And as you all know, I've gotten myself into trouble and pissed off some people and pretty much destroyed all the work I've done at UCLA since last June by being honest on this blog. So now I'm just writing about me and posting internet quizzes, which can't last for long because I am an outspoken woman.
What troubles me is, perhaps my life belongs on my own personal blog available just to friends, and the Kid Sis entity should either be taken apart or kept exclusively for occassional, innocuous cancer postings. Or hell, maybe I shouldn't be writing anything at all anywhere on the web.
Mom's Cancer readers who find out who I am aren't going to be able to project their needs on the character as a blank slate anymore, so how does that serve them? And how does it serve my family if my beliefs open us up to danger?