Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Crap.

Well, in the amount of time it took me to go to my UCLA class and hear Jay Wolpert of Pirates of the Carribean speak, Calliope blew a nose gasket and took a very bad turn. Nurse Sis took care of her while I was gone, during which time she looked like the last episode of Scrubs, sneezing buckets of blood everywhere. Nurse Sis looked pretty traumatized, which takes a lot from a critical care nurse.

By the time I got home Calliope was out in the rose garden too weak to move from where she'd faceplanted. We got her inside and stayed up most the night again with her.

To me, she looks the same as the last time I stayed up all night with her and we were going to take her to the vet to put her down. Which means I'm voting no today, because she had three great weeks after that day, and I still feel guilty for not believing in her. But Mom and Nurse Sis are pretty angry at me and think I'm being cruel not taking her in right now. I don't know what to do. She still purrs when I pet her. She still gets up to get water once an hour, and takes herself to the litter box. I don't know, I've seen Mom this sick and she always recovered. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. At what point do you not have faith in someone's inner strength? I don't want to kill her too soon, but I don't want her to suffer needlessly. What a nightmare.

5 comments:

Dave said...

Oh man I feel for you. Of my seven cats, we only had to euthanize one. She was ill, but carried on for a long time until she finally collapsed. She purred on until the end. I think cats are like that. They go on even when you think they can't, and they purr contentedly even when they are facing the end. A cat will never willingly give up, they will fight for every breath. Amazing, courageous, wonderful, beautiful creatures, cats. And for this reason, they are no damned help in telling you when it's time to let go.

Lynne said...

Ask yourself:

is she in pain?

does she plead with her eyes for you to 'do something'?

does she seem fearful?

I think you'll know if and when it is the right time.

My sympathy, Sis. Lucky Caliope to have such a loving mom in you.

kc dillon said...

thinking of you and calliope. only you know her best. there is no good decision here, kid sis, try to accept that. because there is no good way for a cat to be really sick---all we want is for them to be endlessly content. so love her with the abandon she's loved you with, and you will know when to do what. and also know... it's part of your sacred obligation to her soul. i have believed all of my cats who died knew that from me. thinking of you both. ^-^

Anonymous said...

hey - this is more of a general post, as I have reading your archives over the past few days...

Speaking as someone who went through the Professional Program, and did not get into the MFA program, I just wanted to tell you that YOU DO NOT NEED THE MFA program. Yes, it is wonderful to be accepted. Yes, the though of crawling into the MFA program for 2-3 years and only concetrating on writing is a wonderful thing. BUT --

You are learning everything you need to in the ProProg. Writing-wise, at least. Yes, you don't have other MFA classmates to network with, yes, you don't get all the industry stuff like a weekly class with Mike Werb, but honestly, that's just frosting on what you have already learned.

Some people need an MFA program for motivation, or because they simply cannot find the time. You do not seem to be a person that has any trouble with motivation and making time in your life for what you want. It's also clear from the website you are a strong writer.

Screenwriting is a peculiar thing...you just have to keep doing it. But it doesn't have to be at UCLA, or USC, or NYU or Columbia. Just keep writing. Stay in touch with the best people from your workshop, and use those people as readers. Take Advanced Extension classes, you will find just as skilled people in there.

Hang in there. Keep writing. A good screenplay will come to the fore in Hollywood, no matter where it comes from. Keep enterning Disney, Nicholl, Austin. You'll get there. And if Hal is such a fan of your work as he seems to be, he'll help you when you have that killer spec. When your brother's book blows up, he's going to know people who can help you. Just keep writing.

And I can't wait to read your bro's book.

Rock on.

Kid Sis said...

Thanks Dave. That helped me put things in perspective. For some reason, I thought purring and her continual grooming meant she was still healthy.

Hi Lynne. Finally figured it out. Thanks. I hope I was a good mom.

KC, thanks for the thoughts. They're much appreciated, and I'm sure Calliope thanks you, too.

Anonymous, thanks for the fabulous advice; all very sound. It's great to hear from someone who's been there. Seriously, great timing...it means much to me right now. And I'm flattered you've been reading my archives. I hope you buy the book next spring, but for now, you can read it at http://www.momscancer.com/eisner.htm