Hey now

Didn't mean to catch so many people off guard...the last thing I wanted to do was upset anyone.

But hey, it's me... I'm free as a bird, remember? And um...I think all the talk the last three months about being miserably unhappy here and where should I move to were pretty big hints, right?

Yes, film is my #1 work love, but I can make dissident guerilla films anywhere in the world. Writing is even more inspired when I travel... How much of the world haven't I seen?

And come on now. You know that there is nothing I won't do for partnership and love. THAT'S my number one in life.

It's time. I want someone to be my most special person whom I think of first, and vice versa, and for us to be deliriously happy together.

I'm ready. But I don't see finding that or maintaining that in LA. LA is great for many things, but not love or partnership. It just makes sense for who I am and what I stand for that I'd have to find it abroad, or let abroad get me a step closer.

And I know a spectacular man in Prague whose heart belongs elsewhere unfortunately, but who undoubtedly has wonderful male friends with the same valules, or his woman does, and who knows who THEY know?? It's time to play Six Degrees of Lis's Partner.

Everything else can be done remotely. You guys'll hardly know I'm gone. I might start video blogging. And I've been studying Ferriss's 4 Hour Workweek like mad... I just can't be trapped in bourgeois American problems anymore. Gotta think outside the consumerism box and live life and be happy. Gonna do the things that I wanna do (thanks for my anthem, Weezer!)

But look, who knows, I might haaate it. And then I'll be back.

But no matter what, my life has been shook up and changed and that's great. No more of the bs I've been stuck in. Sorting and giving it all away; the dead family crap and the stuff I bought to insulate myself afterwards. Anything that smacks of a normal life, when we know I wouldn't be happy with a white picket fence and kids.

I'm an EAT PRAY LOVE playful gal, especially with someone I adore to share my life with and stay in bed naked and eat scrumptious French food off of as we giggle and talk and cuddle and tingle and think about heading to a pub or cafe where great friends wait. Just gotta be authentic. Never gonna get there stuck in the American rat race.

Escape From America

Here's a fascinating article on living off the grid for all my estwhile criminal/mafiosa fans out there. You know who you are. You mother daughter kid sis porn googler sickos. Shhhh. I see you. Now you can quietly go away...

In case you care

I try not to talk about work too much, because long ago I chased away all the snarky wannabe screenwriters who were rude to the cancer caregiver readers, and well...everyone who's left now seems much more interested in what I'm feeling, processing, thinking on any given day than about the Hollywood grind. As it should be, frankly.

So where THE COMMUNE stands is I spent June trimming another five minutes out of it with genius editor Todd, and now the puppy sings arias. Then went to Winter at EMB Studios for the (hopefully) last go-round of sound editing/design, then back to Todd's to compile everything and devise our viral campaign strategies for Youtube, Myspace, and our website. If you want to watch my progress designing our website (FUN! Like chewing glass), you may do so here. Constructive suggestions are welcome, though suggesting I start over from scratch will be met with a firm "Eat me." You've been warned.

In the middle of all this, Brenda is helping me move my shit, er I mean cherished possessions, into storage. I'm in the process of donating or selling over half of everything I own, and am transferring some assets like my car over to her because there's a high likelihood when I go to Prague at the end of the month that I won't be coming back from Europe. You've been warned.

One of my dearest, oldest friends has an empty apartment in Prague and has offered to let me stay there. And another friend has been living there for awhile, and though he'll be gone I'm hoping he'll be a hero and introduce me into his circle of friend, because if they're anything like him I'll be in good hands.

I can't remember if I ever mentioned it here, but Prague has been my #1 destination plan since sophomore year of college, when I heard it was like Paris in the 20s, and had a premonition that I was going to meet my man there. Lest you think I'm under the spell of Oneitis again, my plan is not to marry a Czech for a greencard. I have some other friends who expanded their NYC business to London, and are now going to Paris, Venice, and Japan. So employment opportunities and housesitting jobs are likely. Plus, it sounds pretty simple to get a job under the table at a hostel. You know, killing American tourists.

I have to confess, I got a little nervous today thinking about the European men. Anita reminded me how my guyfriends were pulling them off of me in Spain. It was kind of strange because it was just me. The other American girls were plenty prettier and didn't have drunken buffoons trailing after them for miles or, um, EFFING BITING them. If it's like that anywhere else when I'm traveling alone...I don't know. I'm going to have to figure out the culture fast to discern why I was catnip to them (Too approachable and welcoming? Do I have to be a cold bitch who doesn't make eye contact? I need to bind my breasts and ass?) and how to say in their language "Sorry, I only sleep with a man I love who is committed to me."*

Or maybe I can just lie and say I'm Canadian; avoid the whole American girls gone wild stigma. Traveling alone is such a drag for a woman when you have to spend the whole time figuring out safety issues. That's why it's taken me so long to get to Prague in the first place. I didn't want to go alone.

But, well, I don't have my wonderful traveling partner to explore the world with and make love to every day and eat great food off of, so guess I have to go to Europe to meet him.

And you guys can stay here and worry about the election, gas prices, the recession, and the actors strike. Suckers!

Rogers!

Damn him. Being all brilliant and political and Canadian, stirring up sh*t again. WHILE HE'S RUNNING A TV SHOW.

Sigh. Whatever. I first became exhausted trying to keep up with this man, what, three years ago? Back when he was just an A list screenwriter/scribosphere blogger who had time to chat with me about Deadwood, Pistoleras and Marxism at Meltdown Comics, and I STILL couldn't process books/articles/comics/blogs/movies/TV as fast as him. Freaking Neo, man.

Wish I could use this post from his blog in my intro letters to managers:

kid sis: Hey Rogers! Don't make a Brazilian porn fart on my wet dream of Underpaid Glorified Dialogue Writer! Zeus knows I can't clean bedpans or fill out insurance forms...

Rogers: For that metaphor alone, you should get an automatic staffing gig.

From his lips to the Hollywood Fairies' ears. Then again, it'd be a lot more adventurous to get some feature polishing gigs and do them remotely from Prague...

Charlie's Angels

I wanna be the smart funny one who's always overlooked!...oh wait...

Thinking in gallons

On the one hand, I'm glad our gas cost is finally catching up to the rest of the world so that we have to think in terms of abandoning Hummers and buying Smartcars.

On the other hand, it's a big bummer on a holiday like today when I have to calculate how many miles away my friends are, and if I can truly afford to reach them.

Remember when we used to just get in the car and DRIVE?

2008 is a milestone year we'll speak of in terms of before and after.

Ah how much we've all aged this year...

And the band played on as The Titanic sank.

My AIM name

Haven't used my account in the two months I've had it and been ignored by the one buddy I have, but just in case there are some fresh buddies out there:

GoddessHollywood

Virtual sniff

Oh I'm having so much fun with this perfume obsession. I feel so womanly and purty! If you could smell me on any given day, you would catch a whiff of:

CHANEL Cristalle ***** citrus chypre
"...morning after feeling. There is a business-like briskness that suggests waking up from a night spent with a gorgeous stranger and finding her fully dressed, and made up, ready to leave after nothing more than a peck on the cheek, leaving only a cloud of Cristalle as a contact address. Beautiful, and a little scary."

LOLITA LEMPICKA ***** herbal Angel
"...as refreshing as lime soda pop...the fragrance is snappy and smart, an ideal accompaniment for flirtatious banter delivered by prim girls in glasses."

ESTEE LAUDER Beyond Paradise ***** symphonic floral
"...Abstraction has always been the soul of great perfumery...hits to perfection the dappled, fresh light of early morning shining on the sort of impossible garden that Swedenborg would have seen in visions and described in detail. Not sure about Beyond, but definitely Paradise."

BADGLEY MISCHKA ***** gorgeous fruity
"...Big, breathtakingly gorgeous fruity top note...hire a caterer - it's love."

PRESCRIPTIVES Calyx ***** guava rose
"...Maintains its perfect balance between crispness and rosy sweetness...incredibly fresh and modern...it's one of thsoe rare fragrances you could wear your whole life."

GIVENCHY Organza **** vanillic floral
"...brings to mind Harpo Marx rapidly outlining an hourglass figure with both hands, letting out a loud finger whistle, and grinning happily..."

-Luca Turin and Tania Sanchez, PERFUMES: THE GUIDE

By the way, today it's BEYOND PARADISE ;) And no shower :(

PISTOLERAS strikes again!

Bluecat screenwriting competition has announced it's a quarterfinalist!

Cassette From My Ex

Absolutely brilliant. God I miss receiving those. I always felt swoooon-y. Why don't people make mix CDs?

Happy B-day to Brenda!

Show her some love at her AOL addy! (Just add her last name to her first)

Perfumes: The Guide

Why, you ask, would I read a fragrance book from front to back with a highlighter in my hand if I had no intention of flying to Paris to buy more abstract poetry in a bottle? And I quote:

"Who on earth would want to smell like this? I'm sure even the flowers, given a choice, would switch fragrance."

"To choose this as your personal fragrance could only be seen as a cry for help."

"An off-brand Whiskey Sour poisoned by your enemies. Run away."

"It's like beige trousers: comfortable, flattering, and unlikely to offend, but unlikely to inspire either."

"Stupendous Secretions! The Dada name had me drooling...It is not an animalic (supposedly) raunchy thing that works on the assumption that we collect soiled underwear or frequent the same nightclubs as cats and dogs."

"A low hum that may be eclipsed by diurnal clamor but rules supreme when, at 3 a.m., you know you are looking into your true love's eyes even though you can't see them."

"As if to apologize for the behavior of its Amy Winehouse older sister..."

"Such tremendous style, humor, and confidence that wearing it seemed guaranteed to make anyone briefly resemble Fred Astaire."

"Far from good enough to pass you off as aristocracy at the next charity ball."

The Happening, take 2

Todd Miro, editor extraordinaire, has been farting out better twists and turns to "The Happening". Really great ideas. He's also been trying to subscribe satire intents onto it in a noble attempt to qualm the cognitive dissonance he's feeling. After all, in what universe can "The Happening" and "Sixth Sense" have been made by the same person? It hurts his head.

After two days of trying to give M. Night the benefit of the doubt, Todd just turned to me (we're in his awesome editing bay slaving away) and confidently declared:

"I've got it!! "The Happening" is CHUBBY RAIN!

Mystery solved. Normal life may now resume.

Ed Wood would be proud.

Look out for that wiiiiind!!! Oh noooooooo!!!!

M Night. K.I.T... Keep It Together.

We love you, babe. But you've lost it.

More Gatsby pix trickling in

Brett and Barrett Fallentine, breaking hearts. Geez, I've known them over 30 years:

The host and harem:

Brett, Anita, Barrett:

The Great Gatsby Party

There's this popular THING in the Bay Area where ritzy blue bloods throw what's known as a "Gatsby" party...and boy are they prepared when one goes down. Fantastical costumes come flying out of their closets.

Charlie Schlangen (one of my best friends from high school) and his father Bill hosted a Gatsby party last Saturday on the solstice at their wine country estate Montedulce. It's a gorgeous home straight out of "Gone With the Wind", replete with long driveway, columns, a Gentleman's Vineyard, tennis court, and an amazing pool. All tastefully decorated, natch, with a grand piano Charlie makes sing.

They graciously opened their home to two hundred Who's Who friends from Sonoma and Napa county, LA, NYC, and San Francisco. It was quite a gathering. The laughter, gourmet food, and booze flowed freely as the big band played on into the early morning. It was all very yar.

They also had two professional photographers wandering the party, and many of my Spain cronies had cameras, so please do not judge the affair by my paltry, inebriated, NOCD offerings here...Mo better will be forthcoming (Barrett? Jacques? Ed? Step up with the photos, misters!).

The infamous, cackling trio of Brenda, Charlie, Lis:

Old Spain bestie best roomie Christy, hungry and almost in focus:

Me and Anita:

Fire-Chuck:

Anita and Ed gangsta-rapping away from their producing duties at The Dr. Phil show:

The Cool Table:

We had so much fun :)

Reunited with Fire:

She came all the way from Montana to see me! :) Love that firecracker.

Barbara being a rockstar:

Margot being Daisy:

The Montedulce Estate:
There must have been ten different tables throughout...



And somehow afterwards I ended up at my old highschool haunt Lyons restaurant with Ed, Anita, and Margot (Surreal to be in Santa Rosa with friends from LA), then locked out of the friend's house I was staying at. Slept in my car under my Star Wars blanket like a rockstar. Hahahah, I'm not old yet...

Outside in

If you've been following "The Secret", or "The Tipping Point", or any other number of sources out there in the self-help industry, there's been quite a lot of talk about how our emotions aren't generated from inside of us, but outside of us...meaning we have the power to CHOOSE how and what we want to feel anytime.

Here's a stunner of a story about the boundless power of love and joy. Coutesy of David Riklan's newsletter at SelfGrowth.com

A Public Proposal: By Alan Cohen

It was after 11 p.m. -- the overbooked flight was already an hour late for takeoff, and the crowd was getting grumpy. If ever there was a chance to practice peace in the midst of annoyance, this was it.

Finally we were herded onto the plane and I settled into my seat, with hopes of getting some shuteye. As soon as we reached cruising altitude, the flight attendant's voice boomed over the P.A. system: "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our passengers would like to request your assistance with a special event he is planning when we land.

Dave in seat 17B is going to propose to his girlfriend, who is meeting him at the gate. He would like you to help him deliver some flowers to her. If 24 of you would each get one rose from Dave and give it to his lady before he gets off the plane, you can participate in his proposal. Dave will show you a photo of Heidi... to make sure the right lady gets the flowers."

Ah, what a wonderful idea! I wanted to participate, but I was seated too far from Dave to get to a rose before the other passengers. When we landed, however, I was one of the first off the plane, and I positioned myself off to the side to watch the romantic spectacle.

Jump to continue...

B-day festivus

I had a great 5 day celebration in NoCal...thanks for asking! (and I still get to go back to LA and do something there, too!)

Met old friends out at the park, Starbucks, bowling, Aleworks, Chili's, Outback Steakhouse. Went to a crazy huge amazing Gatsby party on my friend's vineyard estate and caught up with the Spain trip crew (there's murmers about Croatia again...). Went to the movies, ate a ton of great cheese and wine, and had some of the BEST conversations with friends I've ever had...it was all very Euro-boho.

Also finished some intriguing books: "Atonement", "Perfume: the Guide:, "The Tipping Point".

Received some great new books to read. Received a lovely purse and some perfect earings. A gift certicate I spent on my new favorite perfume. An awesome Martin Scorcese DVD, and Sweeney Todd from my nieces who think they discovered Johhny Depp and he belongs to their generation :) Had some bad Whole Foods cupcakes, a good homemade cake, an amazing gourmet cake, and a birthday brie coomplete with candle. It's been a blast. I feel loved.

Prague

Through a crazy confluence of events, I may finally be realizing my fifteen-year dream of going there for a spell.

Or forever.

Who knows which way the wind blows...

The Happening

What the eff. We can't remember seeing a movie this bad.

Even if M. Night IS giving us all the bird, it's not smart enough to be a satire of his own work. It certainly doesn't succeed in the way that "Jay and Bob Strike Back" was brilliant, gave the bird to its own audience while gleefully taking their money, AND bankrolled the next step of his career out of making movies for tards. In contrast, M. Night napalmed himself with Eau l'incompetence and won't get another movie funded for ten years, and then will be off in Europe on digital...

Has he had a psychotic break? Become too distanced from society a la Lucas? Lost a silent creative partner he never credited? Become a bitter miscreant sociopath who STILL doesn't understand one thing about women?

Was the lion video a parody of Signs' alien video and The Holy Grail? Were the references to The Birds and Invasion OTBS meant to be...never mind. I can't even make the argument. There's only one logical choice.

The Shyamalan has out-Wooded Ed Wood.

Wow.

Yeah.

That's the worst thing I've ever seen.

That movie was him picking up a gun and commiting career suicide onscreen.

Be still my heart

He kisses like this and goes Commando instead of briefs? Siiiiiigh. That wife of his is a luuuucky girl. The things I would do to him....

Feeling good, having fun

Happy Birthday to me

Having a spectacular three days of celebration with amazing, accomplished, verbose and happy friends...wheeee!

Help Cindy

From Cindy:

PLEASE TAKE 60 SECONDS TO HELP US WIN A $20,000 GRANT THAT COULD CHANGE YOUR LIFE! We are creating a non-profit company called "Patron of the Arts" that will create grants for filmmakers to fund their films! And we are 1 of only 8 finalists up for a $20K grant! ($10K PLUS we qualify to for a bonus $10K grant!) To win we must get the most number of votes before June 30th at 10pm PT!

Will you please help?: Will you please take 1 minute to go to OUR PAGE and vote for the “Patron of the Arts: Sponsor a filmmaker program”? Voting is fast (takes only a minute), fun and free. (Just press the green"vote" button, and then it will ask you to quickly register). You can read the details of our program on the link, and if you would like info on participating in this free program, send an email to us at Filmmakers@PatronOfTheArts.org. Please Vote now! And please send this blog link to your filmmaker and artist friends so they can vote too! A win for POTA is a win for filmmakers everywhere!

Please help us help you!

With love and gratitude,

Cindy and Jenn

MmmMen

2008 Football Quarterfinals. How have I lived so long not watching this sport?

Croatia vs. Turkey last night, Netherlands vs. Russia today...nail-biting games, and the men!!! I'm watching with Todd (Commune editor) on his amazingly beautiful HD TV and wow!!! They just pop off the screen in a throng of sweaty manly achievement accomplishment bliss. Siiiigh.

So lovely! And the announcers with their European accents are simply delightful. I feel pampered basking in all the testoterone!


Here's an intesting piece comparing human courtship rituals to the animal kingdom. Where's the bit where they pester you for sex, finally get to see you, and then ignore you on Myspace? Do baboons do that, or just jackasses? Huuuuge attraction killer. The opposite of that AXE commercial. It's Repulsion spray!

David Lago

Laaaaaago.


Mister five-time Emmy nominee, and winner :)

Hot tip

In southern California, our 99 cents stores are selling universal hands free cell phone adapters...perfect before the DMV law goes into effect this July. A buck versus $30 at Best Buy says I bought three and am going to keep two in my car, just in case.

Yummy hairy men

According to an AOL article, underappreciated hairy men should stand proud, put down that razor:

A study published by psychiatrist Dr. Aikarakudy Alias concluded that men with extraordinarily high IQ's generally had thicker, more abundant body hair than their less intelligent counterparts. He also found that the smartest members of Mensa (a high-IQ society) tended to have thick hair on their backs, as well as their chests.

Besides, it feels great on a woman!

This makes me feel sad

It's a lovely, touching generous offer. Everything a woman wants. Every time I read it I get sadder.

Poor guy. If only life were that simple. If only hearts and chemistry worked that way. What Los Angeles woman wouldn't feel cherished by this offer? (Minus the sleazy Craigslist-meet/prostituion feel of it). The bolds are mine:


FREE RENT PLUS AMENITIES IN EXCHANGE FOR GFE-NEW 2600 SQ FT HOME (SFV)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: @craigslist.org
Date: 2008-06-15, 12:32AM PDT


Broken up and broken down about a girl I was totally in love with and I can't take living alone. Anyway, I'm looking for, searching for, hoping for, a young, pretty, female who is somewhat "normal" in shape, not insane; someone to dote on and care about, whom I can take care of, be with, maybe even fall in love with. If you think that I am placing this ad simply for the sake of having a sexual partner, you are mistaken. I want complete conpanionship and that includes emotional bonds.

So, if you're stuck with no place to go and don't mind a creative, attractive male vs. a refrigerator carton as a companion, please email me

I'm a writer and artist. Daniel Day-Lewis looking. Intelligent, sane, in shape and considerate.

I'll pay all the rent, all the utilities, room and board (food, etc) and I will do special things for you (buy you flowers on occasion, write you poems) to make you feel wanted and needed.

Please send a photo and describe yourself. Tell me what you want/need... Please be serious and reliable. In return, shall make you the most special person in my life.

Please please please Obama

2008 Voting predictions from "experts". (Yes, those are sarcastic "air quotes").

The Opens

That was aaaaaamazing. Geez, how embarrassing for the other guys. Tiger's got one leg and he still roars past them. And that expression, the way he laughed when he got that one bounce Eagle he called "luck"y. Felt so endearing!!!!

My cousin's here watching The Opening live yesterday and Sunday, and we were all watching it on TV in San Diego today, screaming and drinking and eating BBQ. Even my cousin's 3 year old was running around pumping his arms yelling "Tiger's on fire!" My cousin's going back tomorrow and headed for a prime viewing spot at the 13th hole. Have fun Keith!!

Is it love or just Paris?

ABSOLUTELY LOVING:

*The Cure's new song "The Only One." Feels like I'm in high school. In the good way. Seeeeexy lyrics and video link here. Yummy.

*Violent Femmes's awesome Morricone-esque cover of Gnarls Barkley's Crazy. Feels like I'm in high...wait. What's going on here? Is it Freaky Friday the 13th?

*Ladytron's "Ghosts"

*Indie 103's free download of their entire smashmix show. The one from 6/13/08 roooocks. Check out "Paris is Burning", "Do Your Sister", "I Love My Disco Robot", "The Space and the Woods"...oh hell, the whole twenty minutes is highly pleasurable. Just skip over the clubby intro song. DJ Paul V., easy on the eyes. And...it's free!

*Missoni parfum, Badgley Mischka parfum. The originals, no recent variations. The first is a gourmand, the second a floral. Amaaaazing. Five stars from Luca Turin.

*Sephora's policy of giving you as many free perfume samples as you want :) They last forever. PS, you can read and take notes Perfumes: The Guide for free at whichever bookstore corporation you want to screw over, and THEN get your perfume samples for free...I learned I hate chypres and orientals, pretty much any classics made before 1985, and women who wear louds to restaurants or movie theatres instead of to bed with their boyfriends...very interesting...


ABSOLUTELY HATING:

*The last first half season of "Battlestar Galactica." I give it 2 stars out of 5. How the frak did THAT happen?

*That I'm already triple-booked for summer. How the frak did THAT happen?

Absolutely delightful

Around the same time Shawna Benson found wine, I found perfume...two remarkably similar passions. However, mine costs considerably less, as the samples given away of my product can make it unnecessary to ever spend a dime.

Here is a witty Q & A with a lovely and erudite couple, shilling their new book "Perfumes: The Guide", which may make Luca Turin (the husband with the chemistry credentials; the wife is merely patholigically impassioned by the subject) the Robert Parker of perfumes. From the excerpts I've read already, the prose is as lyrical, fun, addictive, and inspirational as perfume itself.

What a grand, fun time LT and Tania Sanchez have together. Can't wait to share my life and work that way.

I have a sophisticated perfume collection myself, developed at first with the help of a wonderful saleswoman at Nordstrom who was thrilled to educate me, and then my own unquenchable curiousity. My signature scent is still Angel Violette (described in maestro Mugler's promo materials as "daringly elegant, unforgetable, bewitching, sensual") But I daily choose from my glittering bottles and store samples to pleasure myself. It makes me feel amaaaazing throughout the day.

I have to say also, in the same way that subscribing to Playgirl in college was a proactive choice to get me comfortable with the nude male form and rewire my brain to associate the visual with pleasure instead of the fear of a teenage girl, noticing scents has made me appreciate and approve of my own to a degree that I thought Catholic school had made impossible. It's nice to love me, too, and believe how much a man enjoys smelling me. I'm going to have a wicked grin on my face the next time a man begs to get between my legs.


From what I've gleaned from the Amazon book search capability, my two newest scents in rotation appear Luca Turin approved. Will be interesting to see their expanded reviews on:

1. Miss Boucheron (the second scent chosen for my personality by my Nordstrom guide, which had a terrible heart note on me last Novemeber...thankfully I am a packrat and kept the samples anyway, and have since found them to be intriguing. Don't forget, your body chemistry changes and you can always spray it on your sleeve instead of your skin if heat makes it repugnant on you.)

2. Bulgari pour femme (A classic, lovely gift from my producing partner, who felt the elegant and refined scent suited me).


Looking forward to earmarking and highlighting this book. Must go buy tomorrow.

By the way, here is a mean-spirited review that made me giggle:

Stupid name, pink perfume, heart shaped bottle. I half expected it to be really great just to spite me. But no, it's probably the most repulsively cloying thing on the market today.

I'm going to enjoy devouring this book.

I'm Not There

A+ for creativity and balls. I admire the film, but the only section I was drawn into was Heath Ledger's gorgeous Bohemian lovestory. The rest left me out in the cold as a viewer. (Cate's fantastic, but has she not established she's always the best thing in any movie? That's a given.) I guess I'm clapping for the cleverness of using anti-establishment filmmaking technniques to describe mood and thought rather than facts about an anti-establishment folk hero.

Not entirely successful filmmaking, but hard to ignore or recommend against. How does one truly dissect the poetry of music? It either touches your soul or it doesn't. Completely subjective experience. I rarely give a 4 to a movie I don't ever want to see again ("Schindler's List" springs to mind), but here it is. See it and make up your own mind; the filmmaker and subject would be proud you exercised your brain and individuality.

I'm voting Republican

Welcome to the dark side, Jedis.

Lie With Me

My favorite kind of film. For me, it's why filmmaking exists. That complicated intimacy Bergman explored over and over, the human condition boiled down to one man, one woman, naked emotionally.

The kind of film I could watch or make over and over again.
Absolute perfection. And that this raw, courageous, explicit film was funded by the Canadian government makes it all the better. So moving and insightful. I'm touched.

Gotta get busy writing something for Eric Balfour. I had on him on my short list of actors I want to work with, but now I've got to create something.

Would you want to know?

I'm watching Oprah's rerun episode "Dr. Oz: A Special Report on Death".

Randy Pausch and Kris Carr gave phenomenal speeches about life, and living with purpose. Here's a nugget from each: "Life is too sweet to be bitter."-KC "If you live properly, the dreams will come to you."-RP "Hope is not about having a good outcome. Hope is about making sense of it all...what most people want is to not be in pain and to feel as if their life made a difference." - Dr. Oz

Ties in nicely to something I read about one of my top 20 favorite movies, "Miracle Mile." Roger Ebert gave it a great review back in 1989, and wrapped it up with "What the movie confirmed for me is something I've always suspected: that if there's ever an hour's warning that the nuclear missiles are on the way, thanks all the same, but I'd just as soon not know about it."

Would you want to know how much time you had left, be it an hour because of nuclear war, or 3 months because of cancer?

"I'm anxious about meeting Randy. He probably has insights that one day I will have to figure out myself, and maybe if I get woken up to that reality by Randy earlier, maybe I'll start living differently." - Dr. Oz

It's about personality types, belief systems, values. Personally, I'd want to know. I feel like I've been woken up by all the deaths in my family, yet even with that knowledge, how many hours and days have I wasted? How much time have I killed not helping people or making a difference? How much more I could have done if I didn't give into self-doubt or pity or regret.

When I look around the room I'm in right now, is it how I want my life? Am I in the city I want to be in, doing the things I want to do, sharing my time with the people I most treasure? Has this gypsy caged herself with ambition?


If I could burn my life and walk away from it all and start over fresh in this moment, I'd be in Europe with a good man. Exploring, writing, laughing, volunteering, talking, eating, making love. If I were to die today, that is the happy life I would mourn.

The $16 Whopper

Yesterday on the way to a meeting, I stopped at Burger King for nourishment. I know, I know. I'm not proud of the fact. None the less, there it is.

After being shocked that my bill was $7.02 for a bad-for-you "Value Meal", I pulled around and smartly handed the female cashier $22.02 She handed my two bills of change back to me at the same moment a cute guy appeared overzealously in the window and handed me by bag of steaming crap fast food. Masters of distraction. I remember in the moment thinking something was hinky about his manner.

Lo and behold, two hours later when I checked my wallet, the two bills were a fiver and a ONE.

Enjoy that tip, assholes. That was my food money for today.

I hate it when I get scammed in LA by fellow broke artists. I mean, my car is 14 years old for Chrissakes and I'm eating at Burger King. This is clearly not stealing from the rich to give to the poor.

Here's an interesting scam I've noticed twice in the last month while out to meals on business meetings. The waiter doesn't bring back your change, giving themself a nice 40% tip and hoping you're too drunk or polite to notice. In both cases, the waiter then acts incredibly put out about bringing back our change, as if it is A) Impossible to do now and B) The request of a lunatic.

One waiter even tried to short change us AGAIN...We left him with a 5% tip, when if he'd played it straight all along he would have easily had 25%. Because, you know, we're nice people and we've been guilted by society into the responsibility of picking up the slack of paying liveable wages to employees so the restaurant corporations can continue giving bonuses to their CEOs. Why am I not living in Europe?

Um, we're ALL hurting from the USA recession and working our ASSES off. This bullshit pulled by my fellow humans is the last thing I need to be constantly on guard about in the big bad city.

Almost nothing rankles me more than ENTITLEMENT.
Fuuuuuuck that.

Really?

Can we REALLY call Hilary's behavior an endorsement of Obama? On what planet is that what happened this week.

I call it a temper tantrum. Symptom of an easy, American life.


Hilary is reminding me of THE WAY WE WERE. Ironically not the Hubbel character (the Golden Boy who always wins)...But of strident, humorless, judgemental Katie. Minus her greatest asset:


HUBBELL:
You're a better loser than I am.

KATIE:
I've had more practice.

Recurring nigtmare

What is yours? I find it fascinating we all have different ones.

My most frequent is that I'm in a car or driving, round a bend, and the road is washed out and I am trapped in the cold water. A variant is that I'm on a high bridge that is out and don't stop in time. Usually crossing the San Francisco bay. Often exageratted to the point that it's like starting down a rollercoaster to my doom.

Not hard to analyze from a literal or Freudian perspective.

My father was a terrible driver, uninterested in protecting his family, and there was at least one night where he drove us over the Russian River bridge when it was terrifyingly close...wetting our tires. So that nicely ties in a fear of the natural, a distrust in the universe, an incompetent protecter, trusting men with my best interests. And both childhood homes of mine were on small creeks that turned absolutely horrifying on flood years, and devoured everything but our house.

For Freud, of course, there's that I'm an emotionally in touch person who could succumb to madness if the emotions rage out of control. Fun stuff.


It's been years since I had my dream about not being able to fly high enough away from the predator pursuing me because of a glass ceiling. Hmmmnn.

Now I mostly dream about loved ones dying. Duh. What am I on now? 18 deaths in five years? I don't want to count again.


The recurring dream that provides the most consistent anxiety over the years is that I'm back at my high school, at my current age, because they've decided I didn't take all my courses. And they're going to revoke my Masters degree and BA if I don't secretly blend in with the teenagers and figure out how to accomplish my diploma. But no one is on my side or aware, like I'm a double agent, and I don't know my schedule or classroom locations, and the semester has already started. SO GO BACK TO REMEDIAL, BLEND IN AND FIGURE IT OUT OR FAIL LIFE.

That is the nightmare of a person with a head injury. It shocks me how often I experience it.

Sydney Pollack

It's taken awhile for me to write this, because his death was yet another blow. Unlike most filmmakers of my generation, Mr. Pollack was a brilliant, well-rounded actor/director/producer who was fearlessly dedicated to telling complicated stories about the human condition, male and female.

Imagine that. Moviemaking for the sake of storytelling for the betterment of mankind instead of fame and money. Is it any wonder that I'm a Hollywood hermit? Or that with more deaths of greats each passing year and no one to take up their cause, I find less reason to be excited about being here and collaborating in this industry.

I had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Pollack and listening to him speak back in my UCLA undergrad days, and he was as inspiring in person as his ouvre has been over the years. He will be remembered, and missed, and homaged. He mattered.





A fine actor, from the same acting school as me. A real hero, warrior, defender of artists' rights. Fitting the DGA gave him the John Huston award.

Unicorn chaser

You know, I did this post backwards. If you want to end feeling good, read bottom to top. More proof I'm a Commie to add to that government file. As if The New School diploma wasn't enough...

Thanks to the amazing MediaBistro for culling this heartwarmer from the LAT. Every once in a while humans do good by each other and help those who shouldn't have to ask.

Just been watching "The Office" again and saw the scene where Ricky Gervais tells his one black employee that Poitier is his all-time favorite actor. Sigh. Actually could hear Gervais's voice in my head as I read above that a student name Poitier was the only one to drop out... Excise that inner-racist, Lis. Or, you know, share with the entire world on your blog for penance.

What's up with LAT's pretentious spell-checker? Callused? Gantlet? Threw me out of the story. Spell like the rest of us, English-language hall monitor.

Congrats to Obama. FINALLY.

Oh, and that this story is considered a story rankles my progressive Continental Philosophy Marxist roots. I don't even know what to say about the label consumerism SATC promotes to the ladies as heaven. Except keep it up, and I'm moving to a second world country. Freaking embarrassment to third wave feminists. I'm all for having style and feeling good about yourself, but that's not what SATC advocates now, is it. Says the straight woman proudly standing without a husband, a career, a Fendi, in a size 12.

Courtesy of Bill Cunningham

He always finds the good stuff.

My friend Cindy...

...needs your help! She's starting a cool non-profit to help filmmakers, and needs a minute of your time. She entered a contest that awards $10,000 to a start-up company that has the best idea! To win she just needs the most number of votes. Go here, and tell your friends!

Clown Paint

Makeup meant to amuse, codify
Cements in the guilt and shame.
I wipe away a layer to set you free
And shiver at the grease stuck on my hands.
With each stroke you crumble into ash
And drift away on a current of pain.

Un-Matrixed

My new (January) laptop imploded on my early last week and will be off to the HP factory for at least 3 weeks. Already has cost me $200 on a machine that was initially only $700...

AND I'm dogsitting and the house abruptly lost its internet connection days ago.

So if you're wondering where I am and can just make out the sonic scream, that's me, stuck alone in the real world...