Thursday, June 05, 2008

Recurring nigtmare

What is yours? I find it fascinating we all have different ones.

My most frequent is that I'm in a car or driving, round a bend, and the road is washed out and I am trapped in the cold water. A variant is that I'm on a high bridge that is out and don't stop in time. Usually crossing the San Francisco bay. Often exageratted to the point that it's like starting down a rollercoaster to my doom.

Not hard to analyze from a literal or Freudian perspective.

My father was a terrible driver, uninterested in protecting his family, and there was at least one night where he drove us over the Russian River bridge when it was terrifyingly close...wetting our tires. So that nicely ties in a fear of the natural, a distrust in the universe, an incompetent protecter, trusting men with my best interests. And both childhood homes of mine were on small creeks that turned absolutely horrifying on flood years, and devoured everything but our house.

For Freud, of course, there's that I'm an emotionally in touch person who could succumb to madness if the emotions rage out of control. Fun stuff.


It's been years since I had my dream about not being able to fly high enough away from the predator pursuing me because of a glass ceiling. Hmmmnn.

Now I mostly dream about loved ones dying. Duh. What am I on now? 18 deaths in five years? I don't want to count again.


The recurring dream that provides the most consistent anxiety over the years is that I'm back at my high school, at my current age, because they've decided I didn't take all my courses. And they're going to revoke my Masters degree and BA if I don't secretly blend in with the teenagers and figure out how to accomplish my diploma. But no one is on my side or aware, like I'm a double agent, and I don't know my schedule or classroom locations, and the semester has already started. SO GO BACK TO REMEDIAL, BLEND IN AND FIGURE IT OUT OR FAIL LIFE.

That is the nightmare of a person with a head injury. It shocks me how often I experience it.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

One recurring nightmare is losing my BFF and it causes me a lot of anxiety. If I worry too much that something will happen, then it happens. I have to remind myself to relax and to stop worrying so much.

Had a dream when I was a kid about driving down the hills of SF. That was after seeing the Love Bug movie with Helen Hayes.

the worrywart

Lynda said...

My recurring nightmare is that my husband beats me and cheats on me, even though he has never laid a hand on me, and doesn't look at other women.

Lina said...

One nightmare I've had was that I was trying to find my way back home & was desperately looking for another way out. I didn't want to cross any of the Bay Area bridges because I'd wind up going in circles. Another nightmare had me dangling on a swing, upside down on the GG Bridge. :(

Lastly, I've also had the same recurring dream of being back in high school. I always seem to be running into old classmates, including one that has passed on. I always think this dream/nightmare was some kind of sign telling me to go back to school to pursue my degree. Alas, that's what I'm doing right now! :)

Anonymous said...

I haven't read many of your blogposts about your car accidents & head injuries...your mom's illness seems to loom far larger than them. Did you have this nightmare before those happend? I find car crashes horrifying because they're shocking, yet so mundane. Did you ever take any classes taught by Carolyn See, well-regarded creative fiction prof @ UCLA ? She wrote an interesting roman a clef based on her daughter about an L.A. girl trying to deal with the aftermath of her car crash...quite a different take than J.G. Ballard

Kid Sis said...

Anon, ha ha, those San Francisco hills...I once had a terrible nightmare about them too. I was about 8, and I still remember the details. Phew. What are the best friend dreams like? Fights about real stuff, or silly stuff? I always wonder if it's rehearsal or just nonsense...

Awww Lynda, I'm glad to hear he treats you well, but sorry about the nighttime stess!

Lina, the swing over GGB!!! What a trip!!! Wow. Glad the other dream was an indicator of what to do with your life. That's pretty cool.

Anon, I don't talk much about the car accidents because it upsets me more than mom. The head injury was the death of Elisabeth Fies. Haven't figured out yet who the ghost typing is, or if she has any reason to be here sucking up good air. I'll check out the authors, not familiar with either. Part of the downfall of being an encyclopedia of tv and movies is I don't have time or memory space for many modern authors.

Anonymous said...

well, I conquered the fear of driving in San Francisco. I drove up and down the hills and now I can do it.

Regarding the BFF dreams, I am not sure if it was about real or silly stuff. In one nightmare, he was crying. I asked him why he was crying. He did not see me. I saw and heard him talking to friends. He said "I cannot believe she (meaning me) died". This nightmare was before he shared with me about a close relative. Just found out that a close relative of his died (several years ago). I am too young to die, though I am a few years older than he is. Another nightmare was that he expected me to be perfect and I disappointed him. No one is perfect. I made mistakes, but I learned from them.

Connecting the dots here. Is it too much of a coincidence that two weeks after he told me about a relative's death (long illness) and about his problems, he started acting unfriendly?

Why is it that when a friend spills his or her problems to me, the friendship goes sour?

Hate it when that happens! So, in the future, if a new friend tells me his problems, then should I change the subject to head off the risk of losing this friend?

As I get older, I realize everyone has issues or problems though there are differences in how they handle them. Some are forthcoming and others are private.

-the worrywart