The Emperor Has No Shoes

I went to Neiman Marcus yesterday to try on Manolo Blahniks. What the HELL have all you ladies been gabbing about all these years? First off, they are not extraordinary looking in person. They don't shine like a spotlight is on them (for $600-30000 they should...) and many of the designs have been knocked off by Ann Taylor to the point that I don't know how anyone looking at you would know the difference. So there's that.

Then...the fit? Are you kidding me? My six-inch POLE-DANCING shoes are more comfortable. I can run around the house and up and down the stairs in them. But even the two inch "MOST COMFORTABLE" Carolyne style instantly had me grimacing in pain. I have a completely normal foot, except that my ankles run tiny...AAA to AAAA. None of their shoes were going to be staying on my ankle. The arch of all six of the styles I tried on created immediate, shooting pain...AND worst, there was no room for my toes in any of the foot beds No wonder society women have taken to lopping off the fourth and fifth toe.

I don't believe they're well made. There's no padding whatsover. The soles are paper thin. If you stepped on a pebble or a crack going down the street, you'd be debilitated for life. Wake up people. Don't fall for the hype.

I consider myself occassionally chic, but I certainly don't buy the bullcrap the fashion magazines push. I was taught style by my Great-Grandmother, a true fashion maven and shop-owner who flew to Paris and NYC to bring back hand-picked items for each of her clients in the 40s and 50s. I inherited many of her designer pieces, including some custom silk Audrey-style dresses and many original Givenchy. Gold to me.

What am I trying to say? You can't buy proper fit. You FIND it. By looking HARD. And it could be in Neiman Marcus, or it could be in Target. Quality isn't reflected by the price tag or the designer label. And if that bugs you, then mix and match your diamonds and Prada bags with your Ann Taylor shoes. But for gods' sake, don't buy ill-fitting items when you can get better quality ones elsewhere and donate the money you save to Katrina. If you feel the need to burn money. And Jesus, don't buy a vinyl bag for $600 because there's a tiny Prada label on it...especially not when you can buy a buttery leather one for $800. Quality, cut, color...not labels.

Sorry. I don't mean to preach. But if I see one more woman in LA running around in a metallic purse because Lindsay Lohan did...

One nice experience in NM...was gazing at the Prada purses and stopped to pick up a chocalatey suede beaut...the second I put it down, a dapper man in his 50s ran behind me and snatched it up. Asked me if I liked it, to which I responded it was very pretty, fabulous fabric. He immediately turned to the salesman and said he'd take it (do I get the commission? It was a $1700 purse). The buyer complimented my jacket, and then asked if dark brown was in, he'd heard it was. Men in LA are so cute about fashion. But sometimes I think they read more trend magazines than the women do. He really had his ear to the ground buying some special lady in his life a lovely present. Very much wanted to please whoever it was. He pleased me by recognizing me as a woman with taste. Made my day.

Another Emperor's New Clothes item: why is there positive buzz about Grizzly Man? I liked it fine as a film. Stunning footage. But that's no documentary. While it's true that the act of observing with a camera instantly nullifies authenticity, um, Werner...coaching your subjects on what to say and doing several takes to the point the none of them say "Um", or ever register a moment of thought...well that's as duplicitous as making your subjects Executive Producers. Or staging the watch scene and including yourself in the viewing of the death footage. (how painfully fake was that scene? "You must destroy this tape...")

Again, good film, bad documentary. And I totally disagree with the thesis that animals don't have souls and can't get to know humans. If anything, the fact that the subjects were eaten by unknown bears and had changed their pattern by staying too late into the hibernation season just proves the opposite. Somebody at some point in time lived among the wolves...that's why we have domesticated dogs.

My two cents.