Friday, June 24, 2005

Light a Candle

Nurse Sis just took Mom to the emergency room. Mom has had a rough week after a month of increasingly rough weeks.

At this point she isn't ambulatory, as Nurse Sis calls it...which means she can't get her legs working enough to use the porta potty.

This is all a side effect of the spectacular radio surgery that cured her brain tumor...but now two years later has put her in a wheelchair, hopefully temporarily.

Basically, tonight they're putting her on a higher dose of steroids to counteract the higher amount of brain swelling, and they're monitoring her in the hospital because the steroid increase caused her sugar levels to spike dangerously high. They're mixing up a pharamceutical dose, and have to get the balance just right so that it does the most good possible before it hits that level where it starts causing harm elsewhere. And don't tell Tom Cruise we love the drugs.

So please light a candle or say a prayer or just think a happy thought for Mom and Nurse Sis. They're in for a rough Friday night. The LA ER is bad enough without it being a weekend AND a full moon.

It's funny, I was really depressed seeing my b-day photos and how fat I am. And a good friend was trying to tell me to cut myself some slack, that the constant pressure we're all under would have broken most people by now. Guess I'm imploding instead of exploding. I think it's the 2 1/2 years of worry that are really the worst. Wanting her to be happy and hearing that she isn't; wanting her to live and hearing she's in pain. Trying to do everything I can to make her life a little better. We're all so worn out; I guess it makes sense the solace I've turned to is chocolate. Not that I even eat that much, but the combo of no time to work out plus a little extra every day = me not strong enough to lift her when she falls, too clumsy and pudgy to catch her. I've gotta get these pounds off for her sake as much as mine. But there's something about being in my body that causes me too much grief. I feel too much again when I exercise or write...that's why I'm constantly engaged in this struggle of knowing it's my salvation, and the last thing on earth I want to do.

Anyways, there is some hope for Mom. The doctor said it's normal for the brain swelling to go up and down, causing her leg use ability to fluctuate for up to the next two years. So Mom has up to another two years for the symptoms to stabilize in good way that will allow her to walk again. Hope for that, and for a mini-vacation for her in the hospital that makes her feel better than she did today.

Goodnight. Thanks for listening.


Dave said...

My thoughts are with you and your family.

For what it's worth, "fat" never entered my mind as an adjective while looking at your grad pics. Never ever.

It's hard for many people to keep in shape, let alone someone with your life. Be kind to yourself. You want to be Wonder Woman and be able to catch your mother before she falls and lift her over your head if you have to. We all wish we had the power to save the ones we love from pain and jeopardy, but we aren't superheroes. We're just doing the best we can.

Kid Sis said...

Well, I DID crop my J-Lo ass out of the shots...

But I hear you. I do have a superhero complex. I blame DC and Marvel. Lawsuit to follow.

It just gets frustrating...2 1/2 years of hoping today isn't the last day you're going to talk to your best friend.

I thank you for your kinds words. I've been sleepless; maybe I'll go give it another shot.

Otis Frampton said...

"Fat and inconsiderate"?


"Beautiful and concerned with the welfare of others"?


I'd say you're doing okay. All the best to you and your mom. I hope she's feeling better soon.


Funnigirl said...

Oh sweetie, I'm so worried about your mom, and you.... I'll do my healing energy thing and send it her way. Do you think she'd be ok with my asking for prayers on the Ecap site? They LOVE to be asked to do that.

I wrote her a note, but please when you see her, tell her I send my special love (she and I are sisters in our particular disease, you know).

I'm going to visualize the swelling receding,, and the full energizing information traveling from her brain to her legs. Try that too if it feels comfortable. It can't hurt, gives you a positive focus, and I truly believe it sends the right kind of energy to her.

And sweetie, you are so not fat. You are a beautiful, healthy, SMART young woman with a fabulous future!


Funnigirl said...

I realize that people telling you are not fat doesn't fix it in your head. Whether you have a few extra pounds or not, your body is your beautiful home and the fact that it is healthy (in spite of some knocks to you head!) is such a wonderful thing to celebrate. Thank your body for being whole, and carrying you through your life.

Keep your chin up.

Vincent said...


Two things I wanted to say here.

First: I hope your Mom gets well really soon. After reading your brothers comic she seems like a great person. I lost a grandfather to cancer and it still gets me down today.

Second:You shouldn't put yourself down. After seeing the photos you recently posted I couldn't figure out why you always claim to be fat. Between them and reading your posts I would agree with those who say you are a beautiful woman. You sure make me regret moving away from the city of angels.

Anonymous said...

again all the best vibes and wishes I can send your way... I am delving down deep on this one

MoDigli said...

Oh, KidSis....
A candle is lit in Ohio. Even though I am just a blogfriend, I feel like I know you and it's sad to hear this news. You are in my thoughts.

BTW, you're gorgeous! In those two party pics you posted, you just shine. It's like you're in color, and everyone else is in black and white!

Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear that...

thinking of you.


The Other Patrick said...

Kid Sis,

I wish you and mom all the best in getting through this. I don't think I've ever felt as strongly about two people I've never even met. And please stop putting yourself down. You are a very attractive woman, intellectually and physically. Some of us can remember a time when it was thought carrying a few extra pounds was regarded as being in good health.
Also want to take some time to clarify a little point, though I know the time isn't quite appropriate. I am not the Patrick of your screenwriting class. I'm writing to you and mom from all the way out here in Kalamazoo, Michigan. Please accept my best wishes in your difficult time. Bye for now.


The Other Patrick

Anonymous said...

My thoughs are with your and your family, I also hate playing the "wait and see" game at the hospital.

It's been a couple of years since I last saw you, and when you posted the grad pics I thought you looked great. Like no time (or pounds) had passed at all.

It's inspiring to me to read your posts of the life you have down in L.A. School, writing, partying and full time caregiver. Even when we worked together, you've always pulled more then your fair share of the burden. I think in most people's eyes you are that superhero who fights not to save herself, but everyone else in the city. So for everyone who needs your help; keep up the good fight!


Kid Sis said...

Thanks everyone...really, thanks.

Ugh. Nice to know you're all out there. We'll get this figured out somehow. Our nightmare would be if we did nothing and later found out she could have been walking for months if we'd just adjusted a medication...

The weight thing: you guys are so sweet. But hey, I know when nothing in my closet fits anymore ;) I'll take care of it somehow. A few hours of sweat weight-lifting a day. Thank you all, really. I'm very touched.

Kid Sis said...

THE OTHER PATRICK: My sincerest apologies!!!!! Hello, Michigan!!!! Sorry, the Patrick I personally know must be lurking (Bad Patrick, we'll call him!). You're very kind. It's amazing how much these friendships can mean, even when they're composed of 1s and 0s.

Anon: Is that Todd???? If so, enjoy:
It's been too long since we've talked! Congrats on the newest one on the way! And if this is Bryan, Kris or Dave, please email me (you too, Todd)! Thank God you don't remember me as the stressed out head case who was losing hair and her temper during iCustomer...

NN, thanks.

Kid Sis said...

Modigli, thanks for lighting a candle. That's Mom's favorite thing. She totally believes in that. And thank you.

Moviequill :) May the force be with you.

Vincent, thank you for writing. It means so much. If we have any say in it, this woman is getting better. I'm sorry about your grandfather.

Lynne, thank you for the visualizations and prayers. Mom loves that. And I am soooo sorry to be knocking my healthy body. PLEASE accept my humblest apologies. You are absolutely right.

Otis, thank you. Thanks for being around so much. I'll write you soon about Oddly.

Funnigirl said...

no apologizes necessary, but it's a good reminder to be so very grateful for your beautiful healthy self.

Glad mom's home, and I'll keep up the work on my end.

chad said...

I concur with all the comments made here kid sis but I especially connect with what Vincent said. Almost to the letter actually the only exception being that I actually lost my mom and not my grandfather to Cancer. I also regret leaving California (the grass is not always greener and it only took me 2 and a half years to figure it out)
Ugh! got to get the heck out of Utah.

Kid Sis said...

Chad, thanks for posting! Wow, Utah? What drew you there, besides the lower cost of living?

I have to admit, I'm one of those nutjobs who LOVES LA. My only issue is finding a job so I can afford to continue loving it.

chad said...

Lower cost of living, better job, etc.
I was living in Rancho Cucamonga and driving to Gardena to work every day. An opportunity came up out here and I took it but now I totally regret it and I am attempting to find a way home.
Keep those fingers crossed

Kid Sis said...