Insightless

Things I can't make heads or tales (hahha) of:

What is it with me and younger men? Most of whom actually think I'm 26? Spent yesterday evening in a bar surrounded by three great hot 26 year olds. That seems to be a magic age for me. Very compatible. I wish Mom was around to talk to. She always thought I would end up with a much younger man. Some unconventional Tim Robbins/Susan Sarandon type relationship.

Why is it so hard to find a lover/filmmaking partner in Hollywood? There are all these guys who are single-focused on their career, but they don't get how powerful we'd be together, how much fun we would have. Look at the Duplass brothers and Jay's producer wife, the Coen brothers and Frances, Peter Jackson and his producer/writing wife Fran Walsh, Jonathan and Christopher Nolan and his producer wife Emma Thomas. Really there isn't one guy or family team in LA looking to add a good-hearted, generous, trustworthy, creative beacon of a woman to the mix...?Make movies instead of kids...?

What exactly was up with the ex-lover of mine who read this incredibly personal post and then tried making love to me that way last spring? It felt like he was a kid playing dress up. I totter between thinking it was sweet of him to try to please me, and that it was creepy. I don't know. I mean...if he wanted to make me happy he would have done one of the tiny things I asked for to feel a connection to him while we were dating. It's not like he doesn't know how to treat women (He gave all his platonic female friends flowers, lunch, gifts, phone calls, birthday wishes, time watching movies, invites to his shindigs.). I would have preferred that instead of spying on me on my blog and making me think of another man while I was in his arms. Strange. And hollow. Sort of a mockery of both relationships. I just can't figure out how I feel about it. There's no point in ever asking him because I'm not going to hear the truth. He lied to me constantly, and wouldn't admit he'd ever even read my blog.