My therapist keeps bringing up my need to lose weight.
Mind you, this is HIS need for me to lose weight. Before he studied psychology, he worked in weight loss. He's a too-skinny vegan.
I haven't ever brought up any interest in weight loss, said I was dissatisfied or unconfident, and I've always looked beautiful when I've seen him...
It's starting to piss me off.
I suppose the situation is good practice for not listening to every opinion one person has. But at the same time, I'm paying him to help me change the things I want to change, not the things he assumes I don't like or thinks I'm wrong to not like.
It's so very LA. And it makes me mad, because I've been every size from 0 to my current, and I've never felt sexier or better about myself or happier in bed than I do now. Being a smaller size doesn't pop your self-esteem up.
For gods sake, I was surrounded all Saturday night by three hot 26-year old guys who thought I was their age, and I've been asked out by three crew members who saw me running around naked twice oncamera. Something is working just fine with me and my presentation.
And when I weighed 100 pounds, people thought I was bullimic and I had non-stop trouble from fratboy types hitting on me. Being my current size weeds out the riff raff.
Plus, I love my breasts. Loooove them. Waited my whole life to feel like a woman with awesome breasts. And when I lose weight, I go from my current awesome D cup to a joyless B cup to a AA cup in no time flat. Why would I starve myself and work out hours a day to have less for a lover to play with and to look more like him? Makes no sense to me.
Besides, the right guy is going to be attracted to my body shape, and that doesn't really change whatever size I am. Once I meet someone who likes me for me, maybe I'd lose a little weight with him. Or if he makes me happy in bed, the weight tends to fall off fast anyway because I'm too happy to eat or do anything else but be in love...
I told the doc I didn't want to change my body, that I was this size as a feminist stance for other women and I loved it. And that besides, polls say men prefer a curvy size 10. He said the studies were wrong and named another study where husbands passive aggressively sabotaged their wives' diets so that the women would continue to have low self-esteem and be controllable. And that he just wants me to have the highest self-esteem possible so I can attract the best guy.
Grrrrrr. There's so much wrong with that whole paragraph above I don't even know where to begin. Hello, LA filter of viewing the world! And I assume I'm going to therapy so that I would NOT marry a passive aggressive control freak!
He also keeps talking about me eating smaller portions at each meal, assuming that I eat too much. That's not even my problem. My problem is that I eat too little. I have one meal a day. That puts my body into starvation mode. If I wanted to lose weight, I'd need to eat more calories and spread the meals out to 4-5 a day so that I constantly had fuel and my body stopped panicking. But I don't want to lose weight, and eating that way is a pain in the ass waste of time and money. Case closed.
I think I'm great the way I am.
I think I'm so great, I may just have to leave a therapist who insists I'm not.
Oh! Oh! I just remembered! Those pix of me in August at my USA High Reunion! THEY were always all super weight conscious, and I was a teen size 5 (What is that, a woman's 2?) when I started that TV show. My old castmates all thought I looked amazing at the reunion and wanted to know what was different, and could not believe it when I told them the difference was gaining weight! They poo-pooed it, but it's the truth! I look too angular Jewish scarecrow when I'm skinny, like Blossom or Jennifer Grey. When I'm curvy I FEEL like Angelina Jolie.
Screw that. Doc better not waste more time on it this week. It's his problem, not mine. I'm not taking that on. Professional opinion rejected.