Thursday, September 11, 2008

Doc Hollywood

My therapist keeps bringing up my need to lose weight.

Mind you, this is HIS need for me to lose weight. Before he studied psychology, he worked in weight loss. He's a too-skinny vegan.

I haven't ever brought up any interest in weight loss, said I was dissatisfied or unconfident, and I've always looked beautiful when I've seen him...

It's starting to piss me off.

I suppose the situation is good practice for not listening to every opinion one person has. But at the same time, I'm paying him to help me change the things I want to change, not the things he assumes I don't like or thinks I'm wrong to not like.

It's so very LA. And it makes me mad, because I've been every size from 0 to my current, and I've never felt sexier or better about myself or happier in bed than I do now. Being a smaller size doesn't pop your self-esteem up.

For gods sake, I was surrounded all Saturday night by three hot 26-year old guys who thought I was their age, and I've been asked out by three crew members who saw me running around naked twice oncamera. Something is working just fine with me and my presentation.

And when I weighed 100 pounds, people thought I was bullimic and I had non-stop trouble from fratboy types hitting on me. Being my current size weeds out the riff raff.

Plus, I love my breasts. Loooove them. Waited my whole life to feel like a woman with awesome breasts. And when I lose weight, I go from my current awesome D cup to a joyless B cup to a AA cup in no time flat. Why would I starve myself and work out hours a day to have less for a lover to play with and to look more like him? Makes no sense to me.

Besides, the right guy is going to be attracted to my body shape, and that doesn't really change whatever size I am. Once I meet someone who likes me for me, maybe I'd lose a little weight with him. Or if he makes me happy in bed, the weight tends to fall off fast anyway because I'm too happy to eat or do anything else but be in love...

I told the doc I didn't want to change my body, that I was this size as a feminist stance for other women and I loved it. And that besides, polls say men prefer a curvy size 10. He said the studies were wrong and named another study where husbands passive aggressively sabotaged their wives' diets so that the women would continue to have low self-esteem and be controllable. And that he just wants me to have the highest self-esteem possible so I can attract the best guy.

Grrrrrr. There's so much wrong with that whole paragraph above I don't even know where to begin. Hello, LA filter of viewing the world! And I assume I'm going to therapy so that I would NOT marry a passive aggressive control freak!

He also keeps talking about me eating smaller portions at each meal, assuming that I eat too much. That's not even my problem. My problem is that I eat too little. I have one meal a day. That puts my body into starvation mode. If I wanted to lose weight, I'd need to eat more calories and spread the meals out to 4-5 a day so that I constantly had fuel and my body stopped panicking. But I don't want to lose weight, and eating that way is a pain in the ass waste of time and money. Case closed.

I think I'm great the way I am.

I think I'm so great, I may just have to leave a therapist who insists I'm not.

Oh! Oh! I just remembered! Those pix of me in August at my USA High Reunion! THEY were always all super weight conscious, and I was a teen size 5 (What is that, a woman's 2?) when I started that TV show. My old castmates all thought I looked amazing at the reunion and wanted to know what was different, and could not believe it when I told them the difference was gaining weight! They poo-pooed it, but it's the truth! I look too angular Jewish scarecrow when I'm skinny, like Blossom or Jennifer Grey. When I'm curvy I FEEL like Angelina Jolie.

Screw that. Doc better not waste more time on it this week. It's his problem, not mine. I'm not taking that on. Professional opinion rejected.


Anna said...

UM - this therapist is very bad for women. How dare he. He's trying to fashion you into society's idealized view of women which leads to anerexia, etc etc etc, botox etc etc etc. That's total BS. It's men like him that sadly set feminism back generations. Women still struggle for self-esteem on a regular basis because of men like him. Women need to define what's right for their appearance NOT men.

Good for you for having enough sense of self to NOT listen to him.

K :) said...

Any therapist who has his/her own list of things that they think you need to fix should be given the boot. Whether you be in Los Angeles, New York or Boise, Idaho, a therapist should hold a mirror up so you can look in it and find your own happiness, and then be there to nuture and guide you in the process. They shouldn't be looking in the mirror too and telling you what THEY think is wrong. Remember: just cuz they have some sort of degree in counselling/psychotherapy or whatever doesn't mean they're automatically any GOOD at it... You're fabulous. You deserve to work through your junk with someone who doesn't have their own agenda for you. Then again, as you pointed out yourself, you don't need to listen to his opinion; you could just ignore it. But why subject yourself to therapy with someone you have to filter yourself with? Because you will start editing what you say just to avoid the topic, which may be the first of many that piss you off. And having that internal filter makes it much more difficult for you to tackle the other issues with an open mind and heart, and defeats the whole purpose of therapy. But then, that's just my opinion... which you can ignore as well!:) Whatever you do, keep up the self-exploration. There's no better journey than the one within.

Marty Nozz said...

That's your therapist? What a prick!

Everyone's going apeshit about weight. 'Oh, it's an epidemic! We're all gonna die!' You in reference to your weight should boil down to just a few questions.

1: Are you healthy? Referring to cholesterol, blood pressure and like.

2: Are you able to do what you want to do? Some folks have trouble being as active as they want to be due to their weight.

3: Are you happy with your body? Happiness does not come with the ability to see one's own rib bones through their skin. I spent years underweight, and was much happier once I filled out a bit.

If your answer to all three questions is 'yes', then you are just fine with the weight you are at. And do be blunt from the few pictures I've seen you post, speaking as a guy I'd say you are 'mighty fine' with where your at.

Tell your therapist he's a prick, and tell him Marty Nozz says so. I swear, sounds like there's a proper portion of the population out there in L.A. that could benefit from a thump upside the head.

Kid Sis said...

He's really good at helping me in all the other areas of my life I want to change. I just don't have the energy to be defending the one thing that's working for me that I'm proud of, you know? Ugh. It's LA. It's just that constant pressure of "this should be your viewpoint too". And I reject it. I reject the materialism and the focus on outer beauty that's so narrowly defined. I drive a sixteen year old car and I weigh more than they think I should and I define who is a wonderful person differently than they do, and it's the way it's gotta be.

Erik M. said...

Wow, he makes me sad to be a man in LA (sigh)... but you're taking the stance that feels the best for you, and that's all that really matters.