Thursday, February 12, 2009

What do men want?

Can't win for losing.

Sooo...guys are strange.

A guy I dated for about a month got skittish and broke it off because I wrote that I liked him on my blog. LIKED him. He still wants me now of course, three years too late.

So I learned not to say I liked anyone.

Then another guy lost interest because he read both my preferred requirments and my list of 100 things about me. No conversation or negotiation, just ended. So I learned not to answer 25 questions about me on Facebook (so stop asking).

I blogged about a man I had unrequited feelings for, and received a painful confession of love from a good friend. And a date offer from two others.

I blogged about a guy dying to be blogged about, who was then pissed about what I wrote and that it was a poem.

I blogged about a first date but the guy was upset it WASN'T a poem. And the other guy I was dating at the same time lost interest.

I blogged about blowing off steam in Europe and a relative called me a whore.

I didn't blog about a guy I had a first date with who prepped by reading my archives, thus he decided I don't like him.

Soooo...they want to be special, they don't want me to be special, they want me to examine them, but then freak out at what I see...


Do you get where I'm going with this?


I know you all LOVE hearing about my little anthropology experiments and my thoughts about bumblings towards ecstasy, but it seems to be hurting my lovelife. No matter what I do. And um...I love you guys, but guess what's more important to me?

I don't see how Carrie ever got Mr. Big this way. I call shenanigans.

9 comments:

TC JAKOBSEN said...

The men you are talking about here want to be confirmed in their ways.

You need to look for a different breed of men. The ones with a sense of humor - also regarding themselves. Sounds like your string of dating experiences were too self-involved. Then its kind of hard to get involved with others.

Keep blogging about your experiences and preferences - this will safeguard you from wasting your time on men who doesn't want you.

Kid Sis said...

Hi Troels, nice to "meet" you.

As much as I appreciate the sentiment behind your statement and how it lets me off the hook, I can't afford to go along with the they were all jerks idea.

Yes, a lot of men in LA are focused on career and not relationships...but in my experience, most of the men on this planet are fabulous human beings who do want to be in a great relationship. I'm just on the search to find the one who's mine, who can honestly make me happy, and want to get there as honestly and fuck, quickly as possible. I'm no spring chicken, and as everyone keeps reminding me, if you don't have sex on a regular basis it turns into cancer...

(wink to Jen)

Todd Miro said...

Lis,

While I deeply appreciate the gift that you have given people by being so unflinchingly honest about yourself in this blog, I think you are on to something.
I think you need to think of yourself first right now.
I know that from my point of view, too much info at an early stage of a relationship can be overwhelming - you are eliminating all of your mystery by giving it away on this blog... for free... for anyone to see.
That type of intimacy should be the domain of your loved-one.

Hugo Fuchs said...

Down the list...

#1 I keep telling you California men are insecure. :P

#2 Saved you alot of time before you dumped him.

#3 Sometimes confessions are painful, but think about what it would be like if HE was the one you had unrequited feelings for. I'll take painfully honest confessions over unrequitted feelings. And a couple date offers in top says this is not a bad thing.

#4 He shouldn't do things that he'll be pissed at you blogging about.

#5 Because it wasn't a poem???

#6 Lost interest because you were dating more than one guy ... It can be a problem if you aren't up front about the fact that your not dating exclusively.

#7 Relatives are like that ... they'll get over it ... or not. Personally, It's not their business, it's yours.

#8 Because you didn't blog about a guy he dropped you?
*shakes head sadly*

Those seem ... petty. If you're going to blog in a detailed fashion about sex with someone, unless you're dropping them, you probably should get an okay to do so from them. Other than that, write fearlessly and honestly, you'll find the correct man for you eventually.

Jeremy Jed Hammel said...

This turned out longer than I anticipated:
You, My Dear, have hit on an In-My-Experience-Nearly Universal trait found in both women and men.
It is a trait that I have learned to live with, yet still cannot stand to my core. Funny thing is, YOU totally know it...
It's all about the mystery.
If I had a nickel for every woman who fell in love, had a crush, or was in some way intrigued by who they imagined me to be rather than the reality who I really am...I'd be a very rich man.
The thing is, men and women would much rather prefer the mystery over the reality. That way, they can make you be whoever they want you to be.
It's like in "Star Wars." In the original, they flirt with describing the Clone Wars and they sort of explain the Force…and it all seems distant, out of reach, cool...or whatever we want it to be.
In the later episodes, Lucas brought up the "midichlorides," and showed us his version of the Clone Wars...the mystery was explained away and no matter how good Lucas was, he could never compare to our own, personal idealized imaginations...
It's all about the mystery.
Trouble is, the mystery don't exist. For anybody.
With me, I get frustrated at women who turn me down because they are waiting for their Prince In Shining Armor to come.
There are no Princes In Shining Armor, or for that matter, there are no Perfect Princesses...so for all the women waiting for the perfect guy, I must ask: Are you perfect? And is the guy you're looking for your equivalent or is he a step or two above what you have to offer?
We're all just imperfect people living in an imperfect world, trying to get through the day without breaking down, all hoping that we find someone to pick us back up when we do…the trick is, we have to be able to offer that someone else the same in return.
K, so I'm ranting, so back to you:
Yes, the guys WANT you to blog about them, but it is your job to not do it to maintain the mystery. It's like a scene in a script, no tension = what's the effing point? The tension, of course, should be "good" tension, but still...a push and pull, a desire for more...things known but not seen, things left unsaid but felt.
This ALSO reminds me of “Star Wars.” Specifically, the idea of getting it developed in today’s Hollywood. It illustrates how people don’t really know what forces guide them or affect them.
Think of all the script notes you get that say things like: “That isn’t realistic,” or “I don’t believe that would happen,” or “it’s not sellable,” or whatever.
The original “Star Wars” on paper is a Sci-Fi Rip-Off fest with glaring errors of logic, film rules, and it has truly mangled dialogue…It’s also a story about Father’s and Son’s, Rich and Poor, Punk vs. Establishment, it has cool lasers, and it takes us on a ride like almost no film before or since.
It also grossed 500 zillion worldwide.
Point is, a vast vast vast majority of readers and development people I know would Pass on the “Star Wars” script for reasons they may be correct about considering “film rules,” but would be stupid to do considering how much money it eventually brought in, how many people it touched, and ultimately, how good a movie is.
They don’t see that movies are magic as much as formula, and that cannot be measured…it must be felt. A lot of the readers I know cannot see beyond the page. Similarly, a lot of people can only see what’s in front of them and no further. Because of this, PRESENTATION is more important than facts…though both must be true.
As an example, which sounds better: Hi, I'm Jed, i'm 35, live at home with my Mom, work for my dad in a job I don't love and I owe more money than I make in a year.
Or: Hello there, I'm Jed, I just won an award for a music video I directed that just got worldwide distribution. I manage my family's string of health clubs, because my Dad needs my help and I'm enjoying Boston because I'm get to be closer to my family.
Both are true, one has a better presentation and a lot more mystery.
Also, whether you like it or not, most people are not nearly as open or honest as you...most people do not reveal details of their lives and post them on the internet as much as you do...It's perfectly fine for you to be that way, but if you're not going to "play by the rules," don't be surprised if a lot of people out there find it odd.
There is a price for everything worthwhile (or otherwise,) and the price for being open and honest on the internet is that some people will think you’re strange.
I'm not saying you should change, only that you need to accept the consequences that come along with the reward of public blogging.
You’re odd…embrace it, and eventually, an equivalently odd guy will be embracing you.
Be yourself, be okay with yourself, seek out people who can offer you the same, and the rest will work itself out. Believe it.

So Says Jed

P.S: Feel free to blog about me any time you want.

inkdestroyedmybrush said...

what did i say lis?!? what did i say?

shtetlleague said...

The interesting thing here is that you are actually quite charming and seem easy-going in person, while online you are this hyper-analytical cyber-self. Just set some boundaries about your writing topics (perhaps you should only comment on past romantic experiences?) and enjoy the person rather than shining any kind of light upon them. Guys only want one thing. Think you know what it is? Errrrnnnnttt!!! Wrong. They just want to be respected (and like women, the definition of that respect is relative). SO while some might like being referred to in a blog, it might be a pet peeve for another. Unfortunately, we live in a time where it's simply easier to walk away than to deal with someone directly when they do something that you don't find agreeable. So why keep going there? Just play it a little closer to the vest and save your romantical nerdiness for the bedroom where it can me mistaken for being cute.

mister said...

The interesting thing here is that you are actually quite charming and seem easy-going in person, while online you are this hyper-analytical cyber-self. Just set some boundaries about your writing topics (perhaps you should only comment on past romantic experiences?) and enjoy the person rather than shining any kind of light upon them. Guys only want one thing. Think you know what it is? Errrrnnnnttt!!! Wrong. They just want to be respected (and like women, the definition of that respect is relative). SO while some might like being referred to in a blog, it might be a pet peeve for another. Unfortunately, we live in a time where it's simply easier to walk away than to deal with someone directly when they do something that you don't find agreeable. So why keep going there? Just play it a little closer to the vest and save your romantical nerdiness for the bedroom where it can me mistaken for being cute.

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