Thursday, August 28, 2008

This movie just explained everything to me


Oh no. Do I have to move, or is it like this everywhere? Rent "Loveless in Los Angeles" and let me know.

You owe it to yourself

One last time to vote for POTA to come into existence: http://ideablob.com/ideas/2890. If you're a filmmaker, take five minutes to support an organization that will fund your movie!

Holy Christ balls

I've got 83 active matches on eHarmony alone. How do much do I have to pay to be taken OFF of there?

Have I mentioned I don't actually like attention from horny men? It's kind of scary.

My new headline on Match is going to become "How will you protect and provide for me after the bomb drops?" That should do the trick.


By the way, exactly how many guys from my movie am I allowed to date before I become uninsurable?

Because they keep asking me out, and they're young and smart and cute and liked me being the boss.

The latest one should insure me a reservation in hell just for considering his offer...but he's so sweet and talented and loyal and the body type that makes me melt and what's a dozen year age difference among old souls!?

Aaaaarrgh. God, if I was a man I wouldn't have thought twice about it, I'd be naked already. Alas, I want a relationship, so it's fodder for the magic wand. Reeeeally good fodder.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Angelenos! LACMA & Another Gay Sequel!

Gorgeous Japanese art at LACMA. Who wants to go?

Support Indie/Queer/My Friend Cinema! (multi-task)

Bingo tonight at Hamburger Mary's to toot the opening of sweetie Jonah Blechman's AAAAMazing reviews!!

“Blechman …seems to be channeling Joan Crawford in full histrionic mode”-Dennis Harvey, Variety

"… scene-stealing powerhouse Jonah Blechman, who plays the insanely hysterical Nico, is as terrific and hilarious a comedic actor as any Jim Carey or Mike Myers!"-Shotgunreviews.com

"Standouts include...most notably Jonah Blechman (Nico), who kept the audience in tears…"-gay.com

LA Screenings begin Friday!
Leammle’s Sunset 5 - Daily
1:45pm, 4:20pm, 7:10pm*, 9:45pm
*Cast Q&A this Fri. and Sat. ONLY

Good lord, what a lucky girl I am, working with talented artists before they explode. I cast him in my Divas Inc reading two years ago!
Jonah Blechman as Yvonne, Trevor Murphy as Diva, Troy Conrad as Kenny, Chauntal Lewis as Raquel

Wish you'd been there; they knocked it out of the park!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Wooooot!

Final season of The Shield beginning next week!

HBO is free 9/5/-9/8 in LA Time Warner land, and they're doing an Entourage marathon so I don't have to rent season 4.

Why doesn't Emily Watson get hired more?

I'm now Reviewer #597 at Netflix; read my reviews!

I haven't had a parking ticket since February!

I recommend Verging Writer's blog.

Our composer is done with new music for The Commune and we're entering Sundance and Slamdance this week!

Brea Grant is a bad-ass who shaved her head as a teen. My hero!

Remember my complaints about getting ripped off at restaurants? Today a clerk chased me down at my car to give me back $2.

Pretty cool.

Job safari

I'm hunting the perfect job. Please keep your ear to the ground!

I'm open to part/full-time, remote/onsite.
My ideal match is a smart, progressive company like Netflix.

Skillset:
project management & leadership, blogging, writing, screenwriting, editing, researching, New Media, Web 2.0, light programming/photoshop/website design, understand technology, encyclopedic knowledge of film.

Education
- MA in Media Studies from New School University
- BA in Women's Studies from UCLA
- Graduate Certificate in Screenwriting from UCLA
- NYU's Educational Theatre (MA degree begun, on leave of absence).

Experience:
-Designed and programmed a multimedia CD series estimated to generate 400 million dollars. During the project I coordinated with multiple corporate departments and worked closely with the Vice President.
- Produced and directed a six-figure feature film, managing over thirty employees onset and by remote.
- Associate producer on a feature film that won an Independent Spirit Award.
- Award-winning screenwriter.
- Also I have this blog you might have heard of...

Attributes:
Creative thinking, curiousity, patience, tenacity, enthusiasm, connecting, hosting, making people feel comfortable, inspiring, wit, joy, expressing, predicting, noticing detail, passion for learning and adapting.

- Myers-Briggs say I'm an ENFP.
- My sign is Cancer.
- Don't like walks on the beach (fallen arches, porcelain skin).
- According to THE TIPPING POINT, I'm a "Connector."
- I'm passionate about empowerment, Netflix, Tivo, the interweb, and mayonnaise.

Cher as Catwoman?

I'm all for a May December. But these planted stories are getting goofy. Guess there really are that few roles for the Hollywood ladies...

Monday, August 25, 2008

Interesting

I've discovered something disturbing about our society by doing a simple popular keyword search on the Internet Movie Database.

Cunnilingus 1,190 titles

Rape 5,784 titles

The next time somebody sneers a charming "Why do female screenwriters always put THAT in their screenplays?" I'll say "To balance the force, ahole."


By the by, Blow-Jobs are represented at 1,739 titles.

But I bet that very few of those 5,784 violent sexual images we're bombarded with are men raping men.

And this isn't counting all those night time procedural shows that subsist on torturing and assaulting women for their bread and butter. Anyone have a clue why that's soooo popular? Because it worries the hell out of me.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Harry Potter


Wow. Huh.

Stars aren't really leaving themselves a lot of wiggle room, are they. I mean, once you've gone this far all that's left is sharing your colonoscopy video.

What I'm discovering

What we're talking about in therapy is that when you have a parent who doesn't protect, provide, and love you unconditionally like they're supposed to, you end up with this built in "I'm not good enough" core belief.

What's strange is even if one of the parental units IS there for you the way they're supposed to be, humans are quicker to believe the bad than the good about themselves (remember all those criticisms but none of the compliments?). So it becomes "Well she's my mom, she HAS to love me." And since my father figure was a narcissist, there was a game afoot of me constantly trying to prove I was worthy of his love, and him telling me over and over no, I wasn't. This pattern continued into adulthood until I ended communication with him three years ago. A decision no therapist has ever questioned or not supported.

Which means the only time I'm ever really calm inside is when I'm with another man I've given that power to again to judge me as being acceptable, and things are going well.

The way this insecurity is playing out in my dating life has been really interesting. I was aware enough to NOT do the thing where I'm the girl who is always in a relationship and has the next one planned out before I leave the current one. So I avoided the serial monogamist sandtrap.

Instead, I've spent most of my adult life alone trying to avoid dating men exactly like my father. But no matter what superficial characteristics I eliminate from the dating pool (can't be tall, can't be a doctor...oh wait, that didn't work, let's try a social extrovert!), I always end up with someone lesser than me who is intense, moody, competitive with me and puts me down.

Fun times. You can see why I opted out of dating for years. The relationships I chose were not places where partnership and fun were occuring.

What my therapist and I are working on now is getting me a large pool of single men to sort through for the right fit. In the past I've gotten confused and hung up on guys who were a partial fit, and slipped back into my "I can be anything, I'll prove myself to daddy!" mode. So we're detangling the notion of finding a father figure who accepts me from the dating process. Working on me accepting myself, and framing dating as a trip to Ross: sort through those racks quickly for the one or two gems that are perfect for me.

To that end, I'm now on several dating sites where I've been contacted by about 50 men on each site. The goal is lots of first dates, very few second dates, and for me to get in the drivers seat and take charge of really evaluating if they have the things I need: kindness, a creative mind, curiousity, wit, moderately good-looking, educated, don't want kids, in a field not competitive with mine.

And then when I get excited because I think I've found someone who might fit, I have to take things ultra slow and not jump into anything thing until I've known him several months and his behavior consistently fits his words.

I've been really good about NOT blogging about the date that upset me and sent me back into therapy, but you know what? Eff it. Dating is like deciphering a murder mystery novel, so maybe this will help another woman out there...

He had grown up with a friend of mine, had demonstrated good ethics and reliability in a crisis my sister witnessed, and he looked like a good surface match. We had a fantastic two-hour conversation the night we met at a charity function, he was wildly enthusiastic about me and pursued me immediately with gusto.

He was a comic book geek finishing a microbudget film, so I could see our lives fitting together as filmmaking partners (my greatest fanstasy, dammit). He used to be an actor (red flag!), and had a gilded tongue that said all the right things. He was an adventurous traveller and loved that I was being laissez-faire about where I ended up living (my second greatest fantasy: being global filmmaking partners).

Knowing I'd broken up with someone who didn't get the movie "Miracle Mile" he set up an extravagant, lovely homemade brunch and first date screening of it at his house so I could determine if he was qualified to date me. All sounds great, right?

It was great. We had long intimate conversations about the value of family, our religious beliefs, our outlooks on life, my problems with The Commune and how it meant at the most I'd have a quick vacation to Prague. Everything matched up. He knew I wanted to seriously date and said that was what he wanted.

He loved my movie, and used it as some sort of intense connector for us because he works in the building the helicopter takes off from, and I lived in a place featured in the movie. So "Miracle Mile" became this shorthand intimacy for an implied "oh we're meant to be" vibe.

He was an okay kisser and a great cuddler/napper (I think we fell asleep in each other's arms on his couch for about two hours). He said beautiful, worshipful things to me while I was in his arms, but pushed too hard for sex. He got to third base and then kneeled in front of me for more. I stopped him, telling him my heart was attached to my body and I wanted to date him seriously. He said that was great and rare. He acted happy about it and finding me and said he understood. I thought "Yea! I'm dating a great guy!"

He walked me to my car, introducing me to a neighbor (saying "Don't worry, she'll get used to you") and promised to call in a week for our second date. We both forgot about my DVD because he was so fast ushering me out (it had been a seven hour date so that didn't seem strange), but when he found it that night he emailed that he would "keep it safe and warm" until our next date.

A couple nice little emails a few days after, then he disappeared.

I spent ten days wondering what he would cook up for our second date, and picturing what little movies we were going to make together in the future. Then the oxytocin wore off. The hormonal bonding switch went off, and I could see he wasn't going to call me. And I felt hurt and totally used and freaked out I'd picked another liar and what the hell was wrong with me?

I couldn't take the waiting around for the platonic return of a DVD I knew I'd want to shove up his ass, so I emailed another week later. Said under the circumstances of being sexually intimate with him and then never hearing from him, to please keep my DVD as another gift.

He apologized profusely for his bad behavior and said embarrassment over it had made him shy to reach out to me again. He asked for "the honor" of a second date. He said he wanted to take things slower, so him arranging a midweek lunch date didn't seem strange. I agreed to it provided he call me after (boundary setting, fix the behavior I didn't like. I was trying.).

Him emailing me right before lunch that he needed my cell phone number because he left my business card at home seemed strange, but I was already almost out the door to meet him.

Him showing up in shorts to the cheap Chinese restaurant he chose and had me MEET him at despite the fact that my apartment was on his route had my spidey sense a-tingling. Then he conducted our second date like a Hollywood business meeting, all about his movie and work. He talked about the two parties he'd had where industry people had seen "Miracle Mile" sitting out and had told him how much they loved it. Because he's waaaay too busy at work to see or contact me, but he's throwing parties he's not inviting me to and had plenty of reminders of me. (Come on. How socially retarded do you have to be to say that?)

When the conversation got around us on a personal level, I was absolutely shocked. Turns out the behavior he was embarrassed by wasn't not following through on his word after being sexually intimate with me. He was apologizing for pushing to have a one night stand with me (?!) because that's sooo not like him or what he wants.

Excuse me? A one night stand? Yup. Despite our hours of talking about intimate subjects like the death of my mom and his abusive father, he'd never had any intention of seeing me again. He said he really thought I'd move to Prague for a year. He seemed very sorry for himself that I didn't sleep with him, and not to care a wit at what his bald-faced lies had done to me.


(By the way, let me clear up any confusion some guys might have out there. Unless a good woman SAYS she wants a one night stand, she thinks she's seeing you again. So don't be a user douchebag dickhead. Pick a hussy for your one night stands, not the smart accomplished witty warm woman you're sooooo happy to have finally found that you can't wait to toss her out like garbage the next morning.)


I told him point blank that it sounded like he didn't want or have time to date. He didn't answer. Later he said he just didn't know what he wanted.

All in all, it could have been dad sitting across from me, shucking and jiving and lying; messing with my perception of reality and acting moody and disappointed that I wasn't jumping in proving myself under his rules.

He then asked me to keep him in my Hollywood network as our career trajectories were so similar (oh yes he did!), and to keep him in touch about The Commune. I was more than done by then and dismissively told him to look it up on the website instead.

At this point I'm fine, I'm just pissed at the audacity he had to use my beloved movie to create false intimacy and get into my pants. In a town where people worship their movies, it's heresy to ruin a movie someone loves. Dickhead. I'd still like to toss my DVD off a rooftop or shove it where the sun don't shine.

In hindsight, I could have judged what I learned about his intentions and character on the second "date" from him with the simple piece of information that he didn't have my phone number stored in his phone. Could have just cancelled then and saved myself a lot of wasted time.


That's the problem with going into dating looking for "the One", believing what people say before they've had a chance to prove themselves. Even someone who comes highly recommended is more than capabale of pulling the wool over my eyes if I go fast.

Thus, only pecks on the cheek for at least a month, lots of one-hour coffee first dates with men in a field other than screenwriting/directing, and we'll see who is still standing after months and months of me being a price above rubies. That should weed out the carpetbaggers and hucksters and amoral jivetalkers Hollywood is littered with.

The good news is, I didn't sleep with him and get dumped like a one night stand, or start an unhealthy and intense two month relationship that he slowly faded from. The bad news is I'm still choosing the wrong men to have two dates with. That's okay. I'm super inexperienced. This situation is fixable. We can rebuild. We have the technology.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Gagged

You can always tell when there are things I'm not supposed to blog about because I get all quiet. I mean, it's one thing to have certain friends and family members request I not talk about them on the Internet. Totally understand that.

But it's difficult for me to find something to blog about when what's taking up my time or weighing on my mind all the time is what I can't analyze here with y'all.

So...yeah.

That's about it. Hrumph.

Basically, just to reiterate...Had a crisis crop up with The Commune that has taken all of July and August to handle. Thus no Prague.

I'm back in therapy, with a new guy I like a lot. We're working specifically on dating. Because everyone has issues sometime of worthiness, but... how shall I phrase this... If one were to have grown up with a...er... father figure that was a narcissist who needs everyone around him to be unworthy, then that unworthy belief becomes truth and manifests itself in nasty ways in one's dating life. i.e. Looking for acceptance and approval from the strangers one dates.

And then if one were to move to LA where there are many narcissists, unscrupulous people, and adroit liars looking to take advantage of one's insecurities...well the horror movie writes itself. So we're working on me not equating the sorting process of dating with acceptance, and working on upping my general self-esteem/worthiness. Fun times.

Happy would-be 69th b-day to Mom today. Don't smoke, kids.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Unicorn chaser

In case you need a smile, this one did the trick for me.

DISABLED TURTLE GETS NEW WHEELS

"At first Arava was a little lonely, but now she is finding reptile romance. Zoo officials said the 10-year-old tortoise has begun mating since being fitted with her special skateboard. Here, Arava scoots after another tortoise." Source: AP

You go get some, Arava! A modern woman.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Genre Girl takes over the New Beverly Cinema

Okay, here's a fun little meme for you. If you could take over LA's New Beverly Cinema for seven double features (like Joe Dante, Diablo Cody, Edgar Wright, and Eli Roth), what would you pair together and make people watch? Tag, you're it!

By the way, come up with a clever title, a la The Wright Stuff, The Greats of Roth, Mondo Diablo/Season of the Bitch, Dante's Inferno. I couldn't do it. No movie titles around Elisabeth/Elizabeth or Fies/Fees. So we'll call it:

REBELS WITH A CAUSE Festival

Tremors/Shaun of the Dead - Silly thrills with outsiders

Thelma & Louise/The Quick and the Dead - Postmodern cowgirls

The Magic Christian/Holy Mountain - Antiestablishmentarian

Cat People/The Last Seduction - Killer female sexuality

Duck You Sucker/Django Kill! - Socialist spaghetti

sex, lies, and videotape/Miracle Mile - Beyond romantic

Don't Look Now/The Wicker Man - Impinge and unhinge

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

USA High

I had this crazy only-in-Hollywood experience twelve years ago of being cast as a regular extra on USA HIGH, a Saturday morning kids' show by the man who made SAVED BY THE BELL. A "Regular Extra" means I had a guaranteed gig for two years cast as a high school student on the show. As it was supposed to be a boarding school for Americans in Paris, they wanted the verisimilitude of the classmates in the background being the same for the duration of the show. Many of us were eventually given lines and recurring characters, the holy grail of extra work. Gunther on FRIENDS started the same way.

Most of us cast were in the 20-28 age range and spent an enormous amount of time together at the Sunset Gower Studios. In a weird way, it was like going to high school again.

Through the miracle of Facebook and Myspace, some of us started reaching out to each other. And the extraordinary Jodi Novick ended up engineering a ten year class reunion for us last night...replete with blown up mounted snap shots, reunion photo cake, goody bags, and margaritas.

It was stunning to see everyone. I swear we look the same or better! What an amazing, cool event! Here are a few photos. If I get a hold of some of the old ones, I might post them, too.





Thursday, August 07, 2008

My piano

My piano was taken away last week by movers, and I cashed the check today. I was lucky it stayed in the family; a cousin across the country purchased it for his family so I might see it again someday.

It was emotionally hard to sell. Even worse that the money is only going to cover getting me out of my stupid lease. It's not like it's buying me more than a month, but that's one more month of time I have to devote to fixing some complications that cropped up with THE COMMUNE.

The selling process itself was rough even without the deep emotional attachments. Interviewed 2 dozen moving places, and am still getting email and phone messages (that's why voicemail has been full the last two weeks).

The company I chose was $600 less than any other and claimed to never use subcontractors or add on charges, and that their guys knew what they were doing with baby grands. None of the above was true.

Three guys showed up, with what looked to be very little knowledge of how to take apart a piano. One guy had me sign 8 contracts while two others wrapped the baby grand, then at the very end they jacked on $300 for materials. I called the company to complain and they said my choice was to pay or have the piano go with no protection whatsover in a box. And I told him, no, his choice was he could honor the written quote he'd given me with the wrapping or his men could go home now without being paid anything.

After a half hour stand-off, they realized I was serious and honored the original quote. Yes, I do take on three Russian men in my own home. Seriously, you should see me when I'm pissed. No, really. Never mind. You don't want to. I know it scares my friends.

So here's something pretty for them, since most of my friends have never heard me play. That's Mom at the beginning with the clapboard, and Brenda recording.


Lis playing piano - higher quality from Elisabeth Fies on Vimeo.

Goodbye to my baby. Sorry I failed you. May you arrive at your new home in the loved condition you left California in.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

One more silver lining

I met Allison Anders last weekend, and she was excited about THE COMMUNE and PISTOLERAS. She knows my amazing composer Danny B. Harvey and wants to work with him. So we were telling her about my films he's scored.

Pretty cool to have one of the indy heroes I studied fifteen years ago say "Ohhhh you're good" just after hearing the titles.

Yeah. That was freaking cool. Be even cooler if she sees THE COMMUNE.

That's the thing about LA. Sure, there are a lot of poseurs here. And the most soul-consuming thing can be avoiding the aholes preying on artists for money. But overlooking the suits and MBAs and unstable prom queens and lottery ticketers...

You can tell when you meet a real artist who wants to create.

We all tend to recognize each other with friendly nods and smiles, and be open and exhuberant and share our toys and invite each other to play. So even when I worry about money, worry about my friends, worry about artists and art surviving in this world for the betterment of society...

There are amazing spontaneous moments in LA where you just get to enjoy the sheer joy of thinking and creating and growing with the world's finest artists.

Hard to give that up. Nothing means more. What wouldn't I sacrifice to feel that spark of life inside me? I kind of get how some women long to be pregnant because I feel that way all the time about art, music, writing, talking, sharing, listening.

Okay. Silver lining.

Brenda is challenging me to be positive. Here's one cool thing:

I've gone from the Netflix ranking of 200,000th reviewer to 1100. That's pretty sweet. I'll be top 100 before you know it. Cue Pinky and the Brain themesong.

In fact, you can help me get there. Netflixfriend me and if you already are a friend please take 120 seconds to buzz through my 60 reviews and click "Helpful" on each one.

Two seconds each, really. Just click on "more of TheCommuneMovie's reviews", then "Helpful".

Oh my lord, that would be HUGE. Thank you!!!!!

Monday, August 04, 2008

Awww man

Here's another crappy lovestory, courtesy of my gfriend Chrissie's friend Matt. And condolences to Jenn Oberle who has lost a friend, and Jaye who lost...well let him tell you. Beautifully.

Oh, life.

Don't know why I'm sharing these tales today, except hey man, life is pain and being there for each other. If you don't have anybody who'll stand up to you and stand for you and be a real friend instead of an enabler, what the hell are you going to do when the sh*t really hits the fan?

Could be worse for me I guess. TV just said 1 in 5 has herpes.*

See? Worse things than moving and a future sleeping on friend's couches and avoiding a lawsuit I can't talk about and more unexpected/full-time work on THE COMMUNE for free and dating in LA and damn stress-related health issues and getting screwed on Ebay and having Best Buy lose 4 months of laptop backup including my taxes right when the IRS wants them and not even giving me a damn store coupon as recompense....and all of the above preventing Prague.

You heard me. No Prague. Duh, considering I was supposed to be there four days ago... URGH!!!!!

LIFE ROCKS!

Bring it on, fuckers! AIYIYIIIIIIIIYIYIYIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!! (Xena yell. More of a strained gurgle. But I'm tryin' here.)

Positive, Pollyanna. Be Positive.


* No judgement. For me at this moment, that would just be the straw, man. Me = Camel.

Oh, and if you're a friend who has recently said something to me AGAIN about "I just can't imagine what you do aaaaaall day long" like I'm some dilettante, you're lucky my hand's not wearing you like you're Kermit the Frog.

However, if you're the straight married male friend who sent me this email, thanks for the needed laugh: "What?! i can't believe that you're not putting out any more. men suck. at least LA men suck."

Still not a man-hater. But single southern California men will definitely be sucking themselves.

Not that I ever did that in singleton land, mind ya. Just can't resist wordplay. Dateplay, on the other hand? I is celibate. Until I is we.

Holy...

When did one Terabyte of freaking external storage drop to $200?

I feel like I just watched a man walk on the moon for the first time.

1 TB???? I don't even know what that MEANS...

And my notebook has the most insane amount of memory and still crashes every five hours...

It's a brave new world.

Somewhere in Heaven


Definitely don't read this excerpt unless you want to bawl.

Three of Mom's biggest inspirations:

"Life is going to be full of pain, but it doesn't have to be tragic. And if you don't keep your sense of humor, it can kill you."
-- Dana Reeve, RIP lung cancer, age 44

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Brenda the cancer slayer


Brenda (Nurse Sis) works harder than anyone I've ever met, and still continues on her rare day off to help all of her friends through selfless acts.

This morning was no exception. She got up at 5 am to volunteer for the Free to Breathe 5k marathon to raise money for lung cancer. Then she's coming over to help me pack. Again.

Lung cancer is the #1 cancer killer of both men and women. She's not yet raised even half the money she pledged to.

So please guys, if Brenda has ever been there for you on her day off by giving you free medical advice, dropping by your hospital room to make sure the staff was treating you well, coming to your wedding or birthday or charity event or play or short movie festival (and you KNOW she has)...

Please be a friend and help her now. It's an easy donation link, and the good karma is priceless.

Friday, August 01, 2008

Re: the terribleness that was X-Files sequel

Shockingly, aggressively bad.

Spit in their audience's eye bad.

Poorly made: Scully, Mulder and Amanda Peet's hair lengths morph from scene to scene, the script is nonsensical and on the nose, it's not an X-File it's a serial killer, the score is terrible, there are no stunts or big scenes that warrant the budget (that could have been made as one of their 1 million dollar TV episodes), and there's an entire close up scene of Scully where she has two different earrings on. Oh, and that awful New Age song on the end credits over the makes-no-sense water shot that leads to Mulder and Scully seductively clothed in swimwear and Scully breaks the fourth wall and waves at us?

They've all lost their minds. I hope the paychecks were fat.

Um...worse though...the movie was disturbingly anti-woman. Gross, unexplained, unnecessarily hateful scenes towards women. Michael noticed it at the exact same moment I did and said it was beyond uncalled for and into the territory of what's pscyhologically wrong now with Chris Carter and did he get a divorce since the last time we heard from him creatively? Michael was freaked out to let me walk into the women's bathroom alone after the random misogyny we'd seen onscreen.

That all being said, Michael and I had a blast. Once we adjusted to it being shite, we were snarky through the entire movie (quietly, of course, in awed whispers and quizzical-eyebrow-raises).
REEANCTMENT:

Found it HYSTERICAL that half of our tiny audience got up and left before it was over.

Then the end credits rolled and we both grabbed each other in horror at the dedication card to some poor asshole who died and was hopefully not involved in making the film. So the joke now is: "No YOU'RE going to die first, and I'm going to make the worst movie of all time and dedicate it to YOU!!!!!"

We're both going to have to live a VERY long time. Oh my stars and garters, soooo funny.

Also of high amusement: that we're both primally sexually attracted to Jason Strathairn as one of the few men on the planet who could realistically provide and protect for us after the apocalypse. Mark our words, as children of the 80s we know it's going to happen someday, peeps. And Michael and I are going to be happily tucked right under Strathairn's Mad Max leather-clothed arms. Still afraid to die lest one of us dedicates an Ed Woodian movie to the other.

You're going first, Michael!!! I'm pulling your plug! Just you wait!!!