Friday, August 22, 2008

Gagged

You can always tell when there are things I'm not supposed to blog about because I get all quiet. I mean, it's one thing to have certain friends and family members request I not talk about them on the Internet. Totally understand that.

But it's difficult for me to find something to blog about when what's taking up my time or weighing on my mind all the time is what I can't analyze here with y'all.

So...yeah.

That's about it. Hrumph.

Basically, just to reiterate...Had a crisis crop up with The Commune that has taken all of July and August to handle. Thus no Prague.

I'm back in therapy, with a new guy I like a lot. We're working specifically on dating. Because everyone has issues sometime of worthiness, but... how shall I phrase this... If one were to have grown up with a...er... father figure that was a narcissist who needs everyone around him to be unworthy, then that unworthy belief becomes truth and manifests itself in nasty ways in one's dating life. i.e. Looking for acceptance and approval from the strangers one dates.

And then if one were to move to LA where there are many narcissists, unscrupulous people, and adroit liars looking to take advantage of one's insecurities...well the horror movie writes itself. So we're working on me not equating the sorting process of dating with acceptance, and working on upping my general self-esteem/worthiness. Fun times.

Happy would-be 69th b-day to Mom today. Don't smoke, kids.

4 comments:

Marty Nozz said...

Looking at the dating bit, I know where you're coming from. My issues didn't come from a family member, but from being the tall skinny kid in high school with glasses and braces who read comic books. I ended up building such defenses that I couldn't let in people that just wanted to be my friend, or girls who maybe just wanted to go out and have a good time.

It got a little better in college, and a little better after that. Still, my own insecurities tanked quite a few promising relationships. It's the damnedest thing. You can have all these great things going to you. You can even have people telling you on a regular basis how much they love the stuff you do. Doesn't really help.

I finally had to just accept that I wasn't the same kid I was in high school. It took some doing, but I managed to grow up just a bit. That's not to say that those same feeling don't pop up anymore, but I can compartmentalize them much better now.

You've got a ton of talent, you're brilliant as hell and as far as looks go, quite drool worthy. LA is lucky to have you. Same to be said for any fella that manages to get lucky enough to spend time with you. Sometimes your best qualities can be the hardest to accept.

And I hope Commune Crisis got worked out, or Dan Didio over at DC might get wind of it and create another lame duck 'event'.

Kid Sis said...

Hmmmm. Okay.

Your generous sharing just let me post a little more about what's going on with me.

Thanks, Marty!

Kid Sis said...

All 2009! Crisis on Infinite Communes! Forcing you to buy a dozen comic titles you've NEVER HEARD OF!

Marty Nozz said...

As long as we there's a spin off limited series starring Batman we'll be golden as far as sales. It'll be dark... and epic... EPIC AND DARK!

As for the dating stuff, I'm not really the one to help, but I did want you to know you weren't alone.

And it can and does get better. Honest injun.