Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Worrying about gifts for your Hims?

Okay, it's time for another round of Evolutionary Psychology wisdom, brought to you by our monkey ancestors.

If you are a woman who is casually dating (and it better be several men and not one!) or has just made a commitment to one man, put the credit cards and the pen down.

You heard me. I know you, sister. I know the deepest, dankest secrets in your head. I know you're racking your brain thinking about what you can GIVE to him or SAY to him that will fill his life with beauty and ease his worries. Because biologically, that is woman's mission.

The problem is...he ain't your guy. So don't treat him like he is. You're doing a disservice to him. You're emasculating him, taking away HIS mission...to hunt and provide.

You're also devaluing yourself into a cheap, easy to obtain item. I know, not that you care about that, because it's all about pleasing HIM, you empathetic, caring, put-other-people-first lady.

Knock it off.

No gifts. Not this year.

Maybe have something generic on hand that costs under five dollars in case he gives you something SPECTACULAR and specific to you. That's it. And no special cards or emails. And don't sign it "Love", or put more than half a sentence.

Feel like a bitch? Good! How many times have you given too much and poured out your soul, then been shocked when he chose a woman who treats him like dirt over you? Exactly. He WANTS to hunt and earn. He doesn't value anything easy. He doesn't value you giving to him.

If you really truly are giving for the right reasons, then give him what he WANTS, not what YOU think he NEEDS* because giving makes you feel good.

Seriously. This IS your holiday gift to him. Be a cool woman in control of your biology. Let him be a man.**

* I live by this so seriously, I gave Dave my high-end cologne samples last night. Because I don't want them on hand, tempting me to give one of my guys a gift that could only be read as a "fixer". It's a win-win. I didn't emasculate any guys I could care about someday, and my friend smells delicous...I get to smell him all tomorrow night at the auction!

** This isn't game-playing. Learning to have boundaries and be self-actualized to improve the lives of everyone around you is gods' work. Being selfish is living by your primate chemical drives, and making the same mistakes over and over because it "feels right". Nothing is more detrimental to your life's happiness than living by your monkey feelings.

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