Sunday, November 25, 2007

A tip for the dating sistahs

Remember your Evolutionary Psychology when you're interacting with your menfolk. Men and women's brains are not wired the same, for very specific, wonderful reasons. Women connect and emote, men break through to freedom and purpose...alone.

What does this mean in your life? Well, the more intense a connection you make to a man, the harder he's going to boomerang back to focusing singularly on his life purpose, and may even be irritated by the time he's wasted bonding with you.

Women can connect all day and feel wonderful because it's their biological destiny. We were wired that way to keep tribes together, and give our warriors a soft space to land when they came home from protecting and providing. Men need and value what emotion and solace women provide, but if they are men and not boys, they can't have it all the time. Even most of the time. The more of a man you're with, the more intimate he'll be able to be sometimes, and the harder he's going to shove you out of bed the next morning.

So if you have an awesome night with a guy, don't wake up thinking everything's going to be changed and the best it's ever been between you two and that you're going to lay in bed together all day.

Unless you're going for round 2 or 3 or 4, which then...lucky girl! Smile! And THEN expect everything to turn into him being gruff, singularly focused on his life mission, and resentful you're not gone already.

The challenge as a woman with a sleep deficit is to step out of emotion and look at the situation logically as what it is: awesome. You did your job spectacularly. In fact, the more of an ahole he is, the better a job you did. You guided him to connection, to himself and to you and to scary male emotions. Now get the hell out of the way and let him be emotionless so he can go bag a lion. He'll be able to be strong physically and mentally for you now and do HIS awesome job, because you were strong and mature enough for him to trust you with his emotions last night.

In fact, the more he gripes about the lack of sleep and dirty sheets and getting back to his job, the more of a bid he's making for your appreciation and respect for his manliness...he has an important job to do!! Love it about him. Give him a few strokes for being a strong man, fart in his bed (okay, that was an accident), then get out of his way and go live your life with a smile on your face, because you're dating men instead of boys. Lucky girl!

It's a have to be a cool woman. A woman who's in control of her emotions and is emotionally intelligent. And you'll eff up and take it personally sometimes, and misinterpret, and snap back because you haven't had your coffee yet. It's okay to be a fallible human female. But you'll be a lot happier and bring more meaning to the world if you can figure out your truest purpose and gift as a woman, and practice it every day. That's unconditional love for yourself, which you have to have first if you're going to bring any light and joy and happiness and beautiful magical womanliness to the world.

Our natures are biological. Don't be the feminist who fights our true selves by trying to be a man, or trying to make a man into a woman. We need each other's differences, and to get each other's differences and make safe spaces for them to thrive. That's being actualized. That's building a world where men and women empower each other to be their best selves. (which by the way, women can have life purposes too...and demonstrating the above through films is mine.)

You Have Your PhD in Men

You understand men almost better than anyone.

You accept that guys are very different, and you read signals well.
Work what you know about men, and your relationships will be blissful.


Heidi said...

Wow, really insightful and interesting. Thanks! And you sound great too. :)

Kid Sis said...

Thanks babe! you know what a groupie I am of EPs. I should really look up my old rock star mentor/Professor Malamuth from UCLA, see if he's still changing our world...

Richard said...

Wow, holy sister,
you gave me myself from across the continent and without having ever met ! Of course, having reunited after a year of being away, with a woman of such spirit as you breathe life into with your words here, just this past night is the serendip of the hat I wear in the world. Much thanks, dear woman, keep rockin'...

btw, EPs, Exec Producers?

Kid Sis said...

Richard! Awesome. Good for you two! Compassion will change the world.

Ha ha ha, that's great. And hey, if you're recognizing yourself, maybe it'll even let you divorce from the biological behavior for a minute to reassure her or explain it to her so her take on the situation is appreciated too :)

Educated guess on the EP, but no, in this case it's one of my absolute favorite things...Evolutionary Psychologists/y. Make sure you scroll down to the Overview and Principles sections.

Yeah, EP has influenced my life hugely twice now...once as an undergrad at UCLA when I was one class away from the equivalent of a minor in pornography under Supreme Court witness Malamuth, perhaps the most brilliant mind I've ever encountered.

The second time I went back to EP was during Jedi rehab for my head injury, when I had to learn how to master my emotions.

I really can't speak strongly enough of how understanding male and female brains through EP and other revolutionary disciplines can change our daily lives, our happiness, our ability to make changes globally...