Saturday, November 10, 2007

Hypothetical Atonement

A friend got me into an Academy screening of Atonement on the Universal lot. Very sweet of him, as the invitation was specific to my public obsession for the James McAvoy.

I do always like the DGA screening crowds best because the audience is filled with such bitter, knowledgable blow-hards. Highly entertaining eavesdropping.

Enjoyed the movie too much. It was absolute torture to see the Mac in another ragingly passionate tete a tete, and to have the inciting incident be his love note:

“In my dreams I kiss your c*nt, your sweet wet c*nt. In my thoughts I make love to you all day long.”


Bloody hell. Well that didn't help matters at all, now did it. For gods' sake, don't the filmmakers know I'm already in my sexual prime, and already head over heels for the Mac? That was completely unnecessary. Cruel, really.


What did I think of the movie itself? Well, let me put my Magic Wand down...

The acting and score were impecable. I want that music. The World War I beach footage was one of the craziest cinematic achievements I've ever seen.

Of course it won't get Oscars because the actors showed the appropriate amount of restraint (We prefer to lob statues at over-the-hill scenery chewers). And the subject matter itself is understated yet devastatingly astute about human character, foibles, cruelty, memory...way too complicated for a town that celebrated "Crash".

Where does the movie go wrong? The same freaking overused device I've been deriding for years now...story out of order as a gimmick.

People. I don't care what worked in the novel. It is hard enough to tell an engaging story that impinges. Stop effing everything up with your cloying film school crutches. All it does is distance your audience and make us remember we're in a movie. And frankly, it's taxing on the brain. I want to get lost in the characters, not write a term paper when the lights go down. Knock it off. Tell the story from start to finish. UNLESS you're using a bookend...that's usually not an irritant and engages us to ask "What happens next?" instead of "What the deuce is going on, and why don't I give a fig anymore?" Story, story, story! That's all it is! All it is. All we want. Tell us a story we haven't seen before. Tell it WELL. And shove your fanciful lighting and editing up your arse.

Urgh. I'm sorry. It's just, it's really really played out. Stop. You too, Nolan.

Oh, if you see Atonement (you should), don't miss Anthony Minghella's cameo role. Rather clever, really. And no, English Patient doesn't count because it didn't jump around until I thought I was going to seize...There was a present and a past that intersected in theme and characters, and once both stories started they moved forward in an orderly fashion. Brilliantly.

Okay, so the HYPOTHETICAL...

Apparently my James McAvoy obsession is not unnoticed by heroic gentleman readers. To the point that they are taking actions to relieve me of my affliction.

You can always tell a mature man by the solutions he procures to relieve a lady of conflict and distress. First there was the Atonement screening invitation. Perfectly innocent.

Hypothetically, less innocent would be if I had received a reminder from someone from a long time ago that he is in fact more McAvoy than McAvoy, and amenable to wearing a "Last King of Scotland" t-shirt.

Rather kind and self-sacrificing, really. A stand-up bloke. Not a git at all.

I think for the sake of the blogosphere, nay, verily, for the sake of the free world, if nothing more then to never be predictable and boring to my readers again...

It is my hypothetical duty to accept friendly help laying my Mac fever to bed.

Putting Mac behind me. Good to know a friend has my back. In Imaginationland.

We shall speak no more of the matter, or the man, or the Mac.

My heartfelt, loinfelt, Black Snake Moanin' apologies to you all.


I wonder if Hypothetical read enough here about The Commune to know I possess a pair of Puck's horns that could easily double for Mr. Tumnus. If one were to be squinting. Can't imagine why one would be. Silly, really.

No comments: