Argh. Eff it. I'm tired of the pressure of selecting a fun boyfriend to pole dance for.
It was fun for a while to dance for myself and make up all these beautiful lyrical routines imagining his happy face looking into mine. But I'm bored and no one worthy's grabbed me and made me his woman and wanted to actually have me dance for him.
How sad is that? You know, the majority of S Factor girls, even the teachers, have never danced for a man. We've only danced for each other. And I really wanted the first time to be amazing and special and...geez, I'm such a girl. Such a hopeless romantic.
The problem is, LA guys are a whole other breed of short attention span. Romance and seduction and fun and whimsy and infatuation and just doing something special to light up the other person's imagination and say you care about them enjoying their life and thank them for spending their valuable time with you...are dead.
Such a disappointment when people don't want to receive what you have to give. It's a core rejection, isn't it? Must be to feel so lousy.
I have to stop trying to give the other person a good time and just become one of those selfish takers guys drool all over. Just be a total, critical, unsatisfied bitch.