Or am I? Feel like I got hit with a 2x4.
So as you all know by now, I disappear from the blogging world when things are going shitty and I'm overwhelmed. Thanksgiving Day was actually spent with a group of great new friends, and then the next morning Nurse Sis and I got up way too early to prepare for our cousins' arrival...they left Sunday, and I've pretty much been asleep since then. I have a g-friend who lost her mom recently who said I'd need a ridiculous amount of sleep the first year to process all the emotional turmoil. She wasn't kidding. As delightful as the company was, it's harder than ever to be social...AND then there's guilt during the moments when I'm not missing Mom.
I'm thinking it's TIME...time I take ahold of the low-lying depression and really get into it. Get some therapy, get some massages, address the whole "don't touch me or cause any large emotions in me" aversion I'm having. Do some screaming on the beach. The past two months I've mostly felt numb and in denial. Now I guess it's time to start feeling again. Jump in. Get my anti-anxiety dosage handled, stop medicating through food and alcohol, stop avoiding writing that puts me in an emotional tizzy, address the lack of a sex drive and the whole headache/nausea/vertigo side effects I've had. There's just so much to do; so many outstanding projects and commitments in my life that I don't want to wrap up that have to get done so I don't go insane from avoiding them. Time to grow up and take responsibility for the shambles of my life. Bring it on, bitches!