Monday, December 04, 2006

Sonic Scream

Was just listening to Sam Beam's music, and now I've got snot pouring down my face. Lovely. Nothing like music to remind you of love lost.

It's...I don't know. Things are going great. Everything's falling into place, and I'm clearly on my mission's life path. Hey, I've always been resolved to be the Woman King. It's fine, really. The life of a Jedi Knight for me. Blah-dee-blah blah.

But it's a lie. I'm effing lonely. Just, down to the bones, somebody put a bullet in my gut, miss Him. Not a damn thing to be done about it. I have no idea why I ever had to meet him, or how he could shake me to the core and still love me a little less then he needed to choose me.

Okay.

Breaktime's over.

Back to saving the world.

Get up, Trinity.

4 comments:

K :) said...

Okay Ms Fies- I’ve been loving your blog ever since I happened upon it oh so many months ago and yet it took this particular entry to prompt me to sit down and tell you how fabulous you are. I've never met you, but I can tell by your open-hearted and honest bloggings that you're one of the good people. You will go on to conquer the world, Woman King.

So when I read how much you're hurting, it pains me. And that's why I'm going to tell you a secret: there is a reason behind the pain we feel. It's not sent to test us, or prove our strength, or for us to fight against. The amount of hurt and pain we feel is actually part of an intricate formula to help us learn to love even more. In order to unlock your heart sometimes it takes a little breaking to get it to crack open. And I know- that deep, dark well of pain seems bottomless and you fear it will never really end. I’ve been there. But the truth of it is, by feeling the pain not only have you just made your well a little deeper- you’ve increased the capacity you have to love. The deeper the well dug by the pain, the more love it can hold and the more you can embrace your life. And that may seem like a far stretch to consider when you are down in the dark corners, feeling alone and needing some TLC… but what you’re going through now? Believe it or not, it’s a good thing. And you will come out the other side, with or without Him in your life, and be better for it.

Don’t think you’re saving the world alone, lovely. There’s a whole sphere of us out here routing for you. This may feel like a dark day, but it will get better and in time the pain will fade to be replaced by an even greater capacity to love, which you'll put to good use.

I promise.

So go change your music and dig out something to dance to. It’s time to let the good feelings chase away the bad ones for a while. Your music selection should preferably be something slightly cheesy, and of the 80’s variety… I cannot recommend Kenny Loggins’ “Footloose” highly enough.

Stay gold, lady. And keep writing.

Kid Sis said...

You're amazing, Stranger. I so appreciate your words of wisdom.

Don't be lurker sweetie, it was amazing to hear from you!

Kid Sis said...

It's very wrong that I can't email you, K :)

But just read your kind comment again. Thank you.

K :) said...

Hey, you needed a light at the end of the tunnel and I just wanted to make sure you knew it was there.

Of course, if I don't manage to get back to your website until many days later to answer your replies which sat there, alone in the void of cyberspace, you would begin to think that maybe you WERE alone after all- but that's not the case. I've just been kept away from my computer for a bit. I don't mean to be a Stranger- honest!

Hope the long nights are treating you better these days.

And congrats about your reading; that's wonderful news. You go girl! Be proud of everything you achieve. (That's actually a slogan for a sandwich shop in England, but damnit if it ain't true...)