This is the scoop on why, in the end, I've always ended up dating Republicans. Boo, hiss, I know. I'm a traitor. Whatever. The reality is, I'm the original Runaway Bride. Hell, I'm so original I'm actually the Runaway Date. I can sit in a date and think of a million reasons why this isn't going to work. You can actually see the moment where I snap into flight mode and start looking for the bathroom window like I was freaking Nikita or Sydney Bristow. It is soooo rare for a date to even get a kiss out of me, I can't even tell you.
But what I've noticed over the years with my dating patterns is, it's the Republicans who relentlessly woo me until I give in. (Somewhat. No one's talked me into marriage yet, and I've been getting serious proposals since I was 15.) They're the ones with the flowers and phone calls and drop-offs of Nyquil when I'm not feeling well. They're the ones who plan dates and hold the door open and tell me I'm special and pretty and the only one they want to spend time with. They're the ones looking for a true teammate to rule the world with. And the right ones have their shit together financially and tend to lean left on social issues. Sure, I've had a few misfortunate incidents where I had to break up with someone because they told me my gay friends were going to burn in hell, but for the most part the Republicans are the only men I've met who place any value on me as a woman.
So while my cutie-pattootie liberal brothers are in the trenches finding themselves and enjoying free love, this neo-feminist is out on the town being treated to dinner by the enemy. I have a fantasy that someday it will be Dharma and Dweezil. A Dweezil that adores me. But the reality I'm waking up to is no matter what I wish in my heart could be true, it's always ended up being Dharma and Greg.