Wednesday, April 05, 2006
It's All This Man's Fault
Damn Thorsten Kaye. If he would stop appearing on ABC soaps, I wouldn't have to freaking watch him every day. First One Life to Live, then Port Charles, now my beloved All My Children.
I swear. It's like he's following me. Thank the gods I have TiVO, so I'm only wasting ten minutes a day on his scenes.
He's a rugby player with an Irish accent, reminding me way too much of my infamous Glastonbury sojourn. Oh! Oh!! Even worse, he didn't just play irresistable poet Professor Patrick Thornhart for three years on OLTL, saving feisty Marty after she was gang raped...he's a poet in real life and donated the book proceeds to children's charities. Rides a motorcyle. AND has a master's degree in theater and theater history.
He's gotta be gay. Right?
I'm telling you IMDB, AMC and an overactive, fevered imagination at 3 am is better than porn. Especially when it's so easy to imagine I'm Kendall Hart and Thorston loves ME, DAMMIT. I mean ZACH loves me...I mean...
Oh my god, somebody shoot me. I don't want to have the flu anymore. I want to go out on dates and see movies and have someone who I like who really really likes me read poetry to me and say pretty things to me while he strokes my hair and we donate canned food to orphans. *Hack Hack Cough.*
UPDATE: I just HAD to keep reading to find some pictures and oh great, he's married with a kid...to FREAKING Marty no less. No wonder I bought into that chemistry. Oh, they're so happy and cute together. *Cough cough hack hack.*
Fuckers. Someone bring me some TheraFlu and Vodka.
I'm so depressed now there's ONLY ONE THING that can possibly make me feel better about life again. Anna, this is for you:
*Sniff sniff.* I feel a little better.