Friday, August 11, 2006


My eyes just turned to goo and melted out of my head. How do I continue to type, you ask? I have sonar-powered flipper fingers and a braille keypad.

Seriously. ZAK PENN is going to write the Avengers movie? He who brought us such classic cinematic gems as Elektra and X3? Will Marvel NEVER LEARN?

I'm sorry, explain to me again why I'm not writing these movies for them for free? Do they think my lovely lady lumps get in the way of my typing?

Because I've got your bad-ass melee starring Iron Man, Thor, Cap, Vision, Hulk, Witch, Ms. Marvel, Hawkeye, Jarvis, Gyrich, Jocasta, Mantis, and any other extras you want to throw in RIGHT HERE in my bad-ass, estrogen-soaked, bleeding once a month BRAIN. And it's bigger than Zak Penn's. Want Ultron? Kang? Shi'ar? Could have had it all.

But now that they've angered me, they're going to have to apologize and give me sexual favors before they get my take on it. And while they're going down on me, I'm going to make them say classic A lines like "We'll follow you through the gates of hell, but you've got to lead us!"

Lis Smash. Lis Assemble.

Lis cast chaos hex spell and make Zak Penn ladies shoe salesman.


Chopped Nuts said...

I agree - Elektra and X3? Yeesh.

P.S. I know that it's going to display my six-year old level of maturity, but "lovely lady lumps" made me snicker. :)

MIM said...

See, I was REALLY hoping you weren't gonna see the news on that...

Although I'm wondering if Avi's gonna give you a call from his freshly-painted Marvel Studios office just in curiosity over the post... ;-)


Meg said...

Lis Avenge. Go get 'em!

ronnie said...

Me afraid. Me very afraid!


LeMorse said...

"We'll follow you through the gates of hell, but you've got to lead us!" Oh wait you wanted THEM to say this while going down on you. Sorry my testosterone filled brain got lost when it invisioned going down on you and your lovely lady lumps...sorry back to comics. When I heard the news I knew you would have something to say about it.

inkdestroyedmybrush said...

this is all very bad. how do these people continue to get work? But then, I said the same thing about Gerry conway back in the day.

MIM said...

And the sad thing is, I kinda LIKED Elektra. Sorry.