We need heroes! Please help us Crash the Superbowl!

My sister Brenda and I have made two entries for the million dollar Doritos contest. Out of five thousand entries, they're going to pick 5 to win cash - and they're looking for fan favorites so we need your views and feedback!

Please take 30 seconds each to watch our commercials on Facebook. You win "I'm extra Awesome!" points if you leave us a comment and rate our entry 3 stars or higher!!! No signups necessary; it's done through your current Facebook profile. Fast, easy, painless, but a HUGE help to us!

KEEPAWAY starring Jamison Reeves, Gregg Silver and Melanie Leanne Miller.
https://apps.facebook.com/crashthesuperbowl/?page=watch&video=4581

IDOLIZE starring Jamison Reeves and Gregg Silver.
https://apps.facebook.com/crashthesuperbowl/?page=watch&video=4125

Thanks so much for your help! We're super proud of our two entries and spectacular actors. Couldn't do all this without your support! xoxo

To blog or not to blog

I started this blog February 4th, 2005 when my awesome Mom started hers. She wrote poetically about her daily struggles recovering from cancer, and I wrote about blundering through caregiving, dating, film school, and my own recovery post head injury from a car accident with a drunk driver in 1995. 

You'll notice there are years of daily posts here. Then an attempt at being less confessional. Then a reincarnation as a lifestyle blog that points out impersonal trinkets. Followed by a sprawling capitalist mess shilling for you and the bizarro world of horror-lovers to view my poor misunderstood feature film that very few people grok. Outside of 70s-cinema lovin' Hollywood intellectual bohemians, the actual Masters of Horror, and some really nice fundamental Christians (When I go niche, I go DEEP NICHE baby. Oh wait, you're NOT supposed to go that niche? You're supposed to find 1000 True Fans, not 100 True Fans? Well fuck me with a chainsaw!).

No no, I swear I'm not doing one of those narcissistic posts where I say I'm never going to blog again as a Tinkerbell clap trap to make you all dance like monkeys to bring me back to life (Though *if* I were a Narcissist (which Dr. Olcese says I can't be since I'm capable of asking that question), you all know I came by it naturally through half my designer genes, n'est-ce pas?).

See??? THAT is why I need to start blogging again. The above paragraphs? CRAPTASTIC writing. I was the most productive and gooder at ze ol' clackety ckack when I was putting in my WGA-prescribed Stream of Consciousness Hour a Day right here at my stupid lil blog. And that discipline naturally overflowed into writing the (unproduced) feature screenplay PISTOLERAS that I still think could save thousands of kids from sex slavery. So that cause and effect alone is cause enough to pause and think deep thoughts with Jack Handey on a daily basis.

But the negatives are like whoa. Violent soul-ripping out of your body junk. Some of it from innocuous stuff that exposes your friends' neuroses. Some of it so deserved that I'll be coming back reincarnated as a snail next life (the first year of true confessional blogging has a steep learning curve that will cost you family members and lifetime friends).

Dealing with feeling the petty envy of watching blogging friends get book deals and paying jobs and Hollywood careers and big blog audiences that financially sustained them. Getting to a Taoist point of not caring about not having that and just focusing on the joy of creating. Wondering then if I'm talking to myself, why exactly am I bothering? The tree is still falling. For whom am I recording the fall? Alien ancestors? And why did I have so many pictures of myself up on my own blog? Ewwww. How desperate am I? You guys are right. I hate me, too.

Getting a readership and having that first high of validation and communication with peers. The fall when they turned. Followed by driving most of the readers away when the snarky wannabe screenwriters kept attacking the underdog, exhausted caregivers. Zeus I can't abide bullies.

Then there's the really evil stuff. My close friends would snort at me typing "I try to focus on the positive", but unfortunately guess what? When you open up a vein and publish your fucking diary on the web, your close friends aren't the ones who come daily to lap up the blood. Nope. It's the two stalkers with autoerotomania escalating towards violence. That cunt hiding behind the mask of feminism who actually has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and IS going to die alone and broke.

Meeting heroes in the film industry as colleagues and learning they really think women are only good for putting their dicks in. Not finding a place as a writer in the boys club of the comic world. Losing boyfriends by not writing or writing about them.

Or the biggest kick in the gut: discovering the pervasive Female on Female Violence that is the real reason women don't have equality in Hollywood, and by extension the world. My close friends REALLY want me to make a documentary about my interesting thoughts about mean girls and the Cavewoman inside us all and how we're the problem not the solution. To which I say, fuck you, YOU go make a documentary. I want to get PAID to do the Wild Thing. Grumble. I've got at least $250,000 I've invested in this hobby over the past 25 years. It would be nice to get ONE PAYCHECK. Just one. So my dead grandparents can stop thinking I'm an indulgent asshat.

Have I told you about how I stopped looking at the search words for how strangers found my blog because it made me want to throw up my spirit? Or how friends of mine have had their photos downloaded, then uploaded to the internet with cum on them? Or how my attempt to raise money for my lead actresses' prosthetic hand after a horrible accident turned into thousands of perverts coming HERE to jack off, then stealing her photos and posting them to a porn fetish website? I tried to buy her a hand and I broke her heart.

Like, what can I ever do to make up for any of that? Or forget it? And this is the nonpersonal stuff that's been going on in my life, not even getting into the "how'd I get so old and fat and yeah, I'm really really old and why am I still attracted to twenty-five year olds what's wrong with me" bullshit. No, this is the stuff I brought upon myself by trying to make a difference.

So yeah, I've been in a man-cave minus the man. There's definitely a feeling of "If I never TAKE a step, then I have a small carbon footprint...right??? It's not my childhood ambition of Avengers Assembling to save the world, but it also means I can't accidentally be on the VILLAINS' side, right??? I'm not fucking ULTRON'S pawn, at least. Right, universe? Hello? Universe, are you there...?

I didn't know what to do. So I threw down the gauntlet last week. I yelled at my mom. I'm not proud. The natural course of losing your way spiritually means I haven't been feeling her or talking to her. Ruminating on all the ways I could have been a better daughter. So last Friday I gave her the ol' "HEY. I know you're there. Why aren't you DOING anything? And what the fuck am I supposed to be doing, because I'm so far below the poverty line hitting it is my vision board GOAL for the year. And I don't know what the hell I'M supposed to be doing, and I think the universe is screaming give up and go live in the desert away from humans and stream Netflix movies all day. (Which is ALSO now evil and corporate; What The FUCK, Netflix??? Where's your indie street cred NOW, after you've singlehandedly brought down the film industry???).

So Barbara...Bitch TELL ME SOMETHING!" And she did. I got a Big Fishie. A big juicy undeniable one that involved my sister, my gradeschool best friend Jen, and some closeted activist Deep Throat old school Hollywood insiders. Barbara laid this Fishie in deep. There's personal nods going back twenty-seven years ago with Jen, twenty years ago with Brenda, and twelve years ago with Mom. A trio of ladies I couldn't love more, all of whom share a deep passion for the underdog. Each one of whom I shared memorable affinity moments with while watching the amazing film work by one person. A Hollywood figurehead who is the Fishie and may or may not have even been the fishmonger with the help of his awesome fishwife. Doesn't actually matter if I ever know how it went down or who delivered the fishie. I know there's someone out there trying to do good in this fucked up world who thinks I'm doing some good work and found me and my family because of this blog.

That is good enough for me. I got the message. "BLOG, BITCH." As you wish, mom.

Oh mom? I got your other message, too. The one that meant "Don't accept yesterday's high bid even though it could buy you groceries. You're keeping your last piece of Avengers art."

Okee dokey smokeys!

No more QT hush-hush time...here's the scoop, sugars!

THE COMMUNE feature film will make its world premier at the prestigious DANCES WITH FILMS film festival. Opening night.

From our acceptance notification:

"It will screen in the very coveted position of Friday, June 5th at Midnight!"

...!


They like us! They really really like us!



You ready to party Rocky Horror-style? Better start napping now, fogies...then pop a Red Bull and head to the 'mune. It's going to be INSANE.


Info about DWF...on the record.

DANCES WITH FILMS
FILM FESTIVAL
Los Angeles, California - USA
June 5 to 11, 2009

The Hollywood Reporter raves that the DWF is "the defiant fest of Raw Talent."

"Here you will find more genuinely encouraging vital signs from the American independent movement than could be detected in all of Park City this last January."
- LA Weekly

Simply put, DANCES WITH FILMS (DWF) is one of the last, best film festivals dedicated to introducing unknown works to the film industry. Located in the heart of Hollywood, DWF provides a rare opportunity to fully engage critics, film professionals and audiences. And while other festivals depend on stars to attract audiences, DWF films are handpicked in strict accordance to quality, and quality alone.

This defiant code of independence has earned DWF solid respect and street credibility through its eleven years of existence. Consequently, an impressive array of distribution companies as well as film and television development departments cover DWF each year to see what's new and different, and who is truly going places in the indie world.

DWF offers Canon HD cameras and other prizes, including cash awards of up to $9,000 USD. Still, the 900 filmmakers who have taken part in the Festival since its inception insist that the best prize is to be a DWF alum. Film artists like Will Scheffer and Mark Olsen (HBO'S "Big Love") have premiered at DWF, and actors like Kathryn Morris ("Cold Case"), Kevin Rankin ("Friday Night Lights"), and director John Putch ("Ugly Betty", "Scrubs") have all started out with DWF films.

MISSION AND OBJECTIVE
No Politics. No Stars. No Sh*t.

The press and public love the Festival, as do the filmmakers who have attended and benefited from the energy and connections that result. DWF alums - and "Big Love" creators - Mark Olsen and Will Scheffer give seriously high praise: "DWF manages to keep its focus on heart and soul while still putting small films on the map." And writer/filmmakers Steve Coulter and Dee Wagner - part of Tyler Perry's wildly successful team - gratefully declare that "Not only was DancesWithFilms the hands-down coolest festival we went to, but simply put, it launched our film. It definitely upped our pedigree in the industry and opened many doors for us. We signed a deal to distribute our short, ETIQUETTE MAN, as a direct result of the screening at the Festival."


A HUGE thanks to everyone for your continued support...we couldn't have done it without you!!!!

See you June 5th on the bigscreen!!!!

Lessons EVERY artist needs

I'm a reviewer.

Not really news, right? I've been reviewing things here for four years. I have a following and people even reach out to me to review or write about things they're very attached to. Before this blog, I had reviews published around, some on a popular site. I'm in the top ten at Netflix, etc. etc. etc.

Why do I review? Because I live love breathe shit movies and television. Because sometimes viewers need a little help deciphering the propaganda hidden in the art. Because sometimes artists need a little help deciphering the propaganda their subconcious minds hid in their art. Because thoughtful, responsible examination regulates society, and keeps artists honest and doing their best. Because filmmakers should be able to be critiqued by their peers, and other filmmakers don't put their subjective opinions and tastes out there like I do for fear of burning an industry bridge.

Why else do I do it? To have a more balanced and informed opinion than what will be floating around on the internet.

Have you SEEN what is out there? Comments sections, messasge boards, everyman reviews? What people write on IMDb?


Let me give you writers and filmmakers a hint about the public and indie movies.

CONVENTIONEERS has a Spirit Award.

A SPIRIT AWARD. The highest award below an Oscar that a low-budget film can receive.

It has a 5 out of 10 rating on IMDb.

An F.

Look what the general public says about it on Netflix, where it has a 2.6 star rating out of 5.

Okay? Are we all on the same page now?

THIS IS WHY ARTISTS NEED TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SELF ESTEEM AND OUTER ESTEEM.

All the great leaders from Jesus to MLK have spent the majority of their lives downtrodden by the outside world. Constant negative feedback from outer esteem. But they had rock solid self esteem and they believed in themselves. Even when people wanted to kill them.

How many artists clamoring to have their work in the public eye understand the maelstorm they are asking for?

Let's go back to the people who don't like CONVENTIONEERS. Do you think this bothers Mora Stephens? No. She made a fucking great movie and she knows it. She doesn't care what Joe Schmoe or Iowa or Pakistan says, she made the movie she wanted to make.

Self esteem versus outer esteem.


Let's add another layer to outer esteem.

For directing CONVENTIONEERS, Mora received a Spirit Award on her mantel, an agent at a top agency, and has her next project in the works with stars and a budget in the millions.

She's not focusing on the portion of people who didn't get her movie. She has successfuly discarded them and embraced her "true fans."

And if she reads this post she's going to see that I am praising her and her movie, not slamming it. Even though I'm not lying and saying it's beloved by all. Right? She's got her shit together and she's ready to have her art in the world.


I recently had someone blow up at me over one gently-worded sentence of criticism in an otherwise glowing 4 out of 5 star review. Angry about the review because it suggested one area of improvement in the movie. ONE POLITIC SENTENCE. Angry to the point he irrationally damaged our acquaintance and hasn't made ammends. Over a huge favor I did him for free to try to get his movie seen.


SERIOUSLY, all you artists out there who can't take feedback in a class or writer's group. All you artists who cling to the negative and discard the positive.

GOD FORBID your work ever make it into the public. God forbid. Please, before you show it to anyone you aren't bribing, memorize the following:

1) If you want your work to ever be seen anywhere by anybody, you have got to learn self esteem or the reaction will destroy you.


2) PEOPLE WILL HATE WHAT YOU HAVE MADE. If you are expecting and think you are entitled to 100% praise, the reaction will destroy you.

Learn to find your niche. CITIZEN KANE, the most celebrated movie all time, has an 8.6 out of 10 stars at IMDb. (CITIZEN FUCKING KANE. Who the fuck are you, really?? CITIZEN KANE.)

Are you going to choose to focus only on the people who don't like you? If 12 sentences say "excellent" and the 13th politely says "room to improve", don't throw a hissyfit and throw out the 12 sentences before it. Don't attack the person for respecting you enough to think you could maturely and professionally handle feedback.


3) You WILL read or hear something you don't agree with. Because it's a REVIEW, not PR fluff. Don't shut down and go the hurt feelings route. Learn to distinguish the difference between "room to grow" and getting "slammed".


4) Identify who your friends are and don't chase those people away. Don't make them lie to you like they were your mom. Your mom can love you unconditionally by lying to you. People who actually care about you and your art will tell you where you can get better if you let them. That's the kind of unconditional love an artist needs.

And you can always get better. It's your JOB as an artist. What happens when your self-esteem can't handle anything but nice lies? You surround yourself with Yes Men and end up with STAR WARS 1-3 and INDIANA JONES 4.


5) If someone isn't in your niche, disregard their opinion without lashing out. You need to responsibly learn who to listen to and who to be able to listen to and say thank you but not choose to act on it. The higher your self esteem, the easier this becomes to judge and the more polite you will become. Because a critique either isn't correct for your art, or is awesome food for thought. Either way, the response is Thank You.


6) You're emotionally attached to your art. We all are. But if you overreact and behave innappropriately man up and APOLOGIZE. The art of apology is completely underrated, and is a beautiful thing if you mean it (Nope. I haven't received one.).


7) Don't go out of your way to do awesome things for people who've never done anything for you. Because they will always take you for granted and treat you like trash.

Sometimes supporting actually makes people happy. And sometimes no good deed goes unpunished.

Am I going to let one person's icky behaviour affect the reviews I'm doing tomorrow night and the day after? Or keep me from doing something nice for another colleague?

Nope.


Find your one thousand true fans (Kevin Kelly), and ignore the noise.


P.S. One of the great joys about receiving feedback on THE COMMUNE is how astonishingly diverse the reaction is to the actors. It always cracks me up. I have heard from multitudes of people who swear their opinion is absolutely right, and that x is the best actor and y is the worst in the movie.

Who are x and y?

Insert each of the top five names. They've all been both x and y.


Seriously chew on that.

Is that not a staggering comment on art and society and the subjectivity of opinions?


For every creation, there is an audience. Sort and discard. Find yours.