Thursday, April 19, 2012
NEW GIRL spec - first five pages
NEW GIRL is the number one new show for 18-34 year olds, and I absolutely adore it. The series has great heart, unconditionally loves its socially retarded characters, and has the lofty goal of gently teaching tolerance lessons as it demonstrates partnership between men and women. I'm thrilled to hear it has won the hearts of many teen girls who have adopted the Jess lead character as a role model.
I've watched all 21 episodes at least three times, and studied the crap out of Zooey, show creator Liz Merriwether, and their Paley panel. I think this spec is the funniest thing I've ever written. So far I've received great feedback from working screenwriters I trust. I made the three storylines topics I really care about: woman on woman violence, the vintage fur debate, and the hilarious narcissism of fashion/lifestyle bloggers. As per my writing signature, this spec is funny, emotionally raw, informative, and has something to say.
I'm adding this NEW GIRL spec to my portfolio: feature action/thriller PISTOLERAS (Winner of Creative Screenwriting Magazine's Best Thriller Award); my filmmaking resume (Associate Producer of Indie Spirit Winner CONVENTIONEERS, writer/director/producer of THE COMMUNE, first ultra-low budget female filmmaker invited to The Masters of Horror dinners); and a new comedy pilot script based on my feature THE COMMUNE that will be ready to read by the end of May 2012. Fingers crossed this portfolio will do the trick for getting an agent and going out for staffing season. If you want to help, providing a referral to your agent/manager would save me mucho stress!
You can see this version of the script performed live Sunday night at 8:30pm at the famous iO West in Hollywood. Here is the preview of my current first five pages which will be revised Monday after the reading. What do you think?
EP #21.5: "Female"
Written by Elisabeth Fies
INT. LOFT. DAY.
NICK’S LATEST ONE NIGHT STAND sneaks out the door, running into WINSTON waving the morning mail.
I got my test results!
The girl grimaces and cuts him a wide birth.
Not that kind of test--
REVEAL NICK AND JESS on the couch, eating cereal.
Cool. Now I don’t have to call her.
Winston stares at his test results envelope, frozen.
Standardized tests can’t measure the real you. It’s not about what’s here...
(pointing to her brain)
...but what’s in here.
Jess grabs her heart. SCHMIDT runs in like a human labrador.
(pointing to his crotch)
--Or what’s in here! Boom!
Besides, we really needs substitute teachers.
That’s what’s so horrible. If I’m not better than those people--
INT. GARFIELD ELEMENTARY. CLASSROOM. FLASHBACK.
Winston finishes and triumphantly slams his pencil down.
REVEAL his competition: like Mos Eisley Cantina rejects. Winston reinforces his pencil marks on the Scantron form.
BACK TO PRESENT:
That room smelled like fear. Sweat. And Maker’s Mark.
Fancy. In Oregon subs can only afford Pabst Blue Ribbon.
Winston tears open the envelope.
Oh my god. Winston, you scored 99%!
Winston “Cruises” on the couch, the afghan flying. Nick mimics him with a surprisingly sexy lack of skill.
And 5, 6, 7, 8!
--And they start the routine from the New Girl music video.
SMASH TO MAIN TITLES.
INT. LOFT. CONTINUOUS.
CECE walks into the kitchen carrying a ritzy coat bag.
What’s going on?
Winston passed the C-Best.
(in Cagney voice)
Say, what do we have here, see?
Cece pulls out a vintage floor length mink coat.
(touching the stitching)
It was Nanna’s. Her name’s sewn in.
I wonder how many animals died to make this fur coat.
I wonder how many animals she had to sleep with to get this fur coat.
I want to wear it.
Cece. You should hide it in your closet- Or get rid of it- before someone throws paint on you.
That’s crazy. Nobody throws paint in this century. Glitter bombs maybe, and I look fabulous in glitter.
Besides, the animal died fifty years ago. I don’t understand how hiding it in my closet or dumping it in the landfill honors its memory more than me proudly wearing it.
(petting the fur)
I remember being a little girl and hugging Nanna in it. Wearing it makes me feel close to her still.
Awww... put it on.
Cece dips her arms in. Nuzzles her nose and inhales.
You should do what makes you happy.
You’ll still be seen with me?
Cool. Be my Plus One for this red carpet charity event I’m working.
Can I wear my flannel?
Schmidt lopes up and throws a casual arm around Cece.
Sweet coat. Red mink, N’est ce pas?
You’re such a chick.
Give me a snap of it for “Cardi’s and Chutney”.
No, Schmidt. I told you I’m not going to be on your lifestyle blog.
Emily, Kimberley, and all the fashion blogging gang will love it! Having a real model will skyrocket my hits. I won’t tell anyone you’re my Pillow Pal- My Toe Tickler- My Indian Samosa of Sexy Time-
Jess, The limo will be here at 7.
Cece leaves. Schmidt thrusts a camera into Jess’ hands.
Snap today’s outfit. My new Espadrilles are right on trend.
Jess takes a few photos as Schmidt poses.
Now a close up of the Espadrilles.
I have a thing about men’s feet...
Come on, Jess! Snap my ‘drilles!
(clicking without looking)
Winston shakes his head disapprovingly at Schmidt.
My blog is douche-jar exempt. It’s the anti-douche.
(gives Schmidt a “whatever look. Then:)
Jess, I’m not the type to wait for the school to call me in. I want to introduce myself to Tanya now.
Ohhh I think she remembers you.
INT. SCHMIDT’S PARTY BUS. NIGHT. FLASHBACK.
TANYA LAMONTAGNE, Jess party-hungry Vice Principal, slaps Winston’s ass and shoves dollar bills down his jeans.
Lady, the stripper is over there!
Points to MARTIN FULLER, the straight middle-aged man sadly dancing for other dudes. Tanya slaps Winston ass again.
Nah. Shake it, black thunder!
BACK TO LOFT:
Winston grabs his briefcase. Clips on a tie.
That’s why I’m reintroducing myself as Business Winston.
I’m leaving if you want a ride.
(hands Schmidt his camera back as if it’s infected)
Winston and Jess leave. Schmidt reviews Jess' photos.
Amateur. Light is all wrong. You can’t see the texture of my V-neck.
Nobody cares what you’re wearing.
Schmidt flips open the laptop on the coffee table to pull up his blog.
Wrong! Cotton is the fabric of our lives.