Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Welcome to the Monkey House

Still don't know what I'm doing. I know, I know, I get a fishie just a week ago and now I'm already complaining. But the fishie didn't come with a paycheck, so now I'm back to seriously wondering what am I doing? Where is my life going?

Right now I'm gearing up to go out for my first staffing season (Or as my feature film mentor refers to it: "TV whoring"). I'm actually in the camp that thinks this is the true golden age of television. And some people are actually hiring women and giving them their own shows...especially the funny women. So it's time to try to get my feet wet. My main UCLA professor/mentor has always said my wheelhouse is being the funny one, so now that I've been making a name in the thriller feature world it's time for me to eff that all up by going for a different career (I'm only partly joking...but look, in this recession you have to follow the money and that's in TV funny, son.).

This month I'm writing two fresh spec scripts of current shows on the air, and hopefully finishing my latest thriller/horror feature by mid April. Then in April/May I'll be writing a pilot spec; and another thriller that we could easily shoot this summer nobudget, or that I could also see a fan of my Pistoleras screenplay picking up for one of their teen stars. Or let's be honest: I might be ready to sell Pistoleras. Even to some asshat rapist producer who will ruin it and turn it into everything I stand against. It's possible Lis is tiiiiired.

Re: TV writing...I'm no Jane Espenson, Jilll Soloway or Jennifer Salt (Should I change my name to Jelisabeth to hedge my bets?). But when I focus I can write fast without losing quality. Not as fast as that other UCLA professor who believed in me but wanted me to write 60 pages a day!!? 60 pages a day sober? No sir. I'm definitely no David Kelley or David Milch. No "Delisabeth" without the aid of uppers. Not that I've ever taken crack or cocaine...but I have this artist's dream that if I did I'd accomplish the Infinite Monkey Theorum muuuuch quicker. 

Chimpie's hooked on Shakespeare!

Prepartion-wise, I think it helps I've been studying 40 hours of TV a week my whole life (this month I've watched 70 hours a week and feel like my eyes are bleeding into my brain.). It also helps that I actually love the medium and believe in the TV writers renaissance. I'm still amazed at how many screenwriters talk about not watching TV like that's a good thing. What's good about never experiencing Battlestar Galactica, Rome, Buffy, Ally McBeal, Six Feet Under, 24, Deadwood, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, 30 Rock, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Community; etc. etc. etc.?!

So here's to staying focused on writing, and not letting producing, filmmaking, or gossip blog-reading sidetrack me out of a shot at making a paycheck. I'm an underground filmmaker who has a hard time thinking about art in terms of me making money (I've no problem with the project or other people making money, just me apparently.) I think I've tricked my brain for now by concentrating on getting back the $$$$$$ Ive invested. That seems fair even to my effed up unconscious. More than fair. It makes me feel a little Errol Flynn Robin Hood-ish.

"When this is over, my friend, there'll be no need for me to come again."

If you want to help me...I only have one writer's group right now checking up on me once a week. Please feel free to yell at me daily to keep me on task. Really, it works to be accountable, even to strangers. Go ahead, ask me my daily page account! Spank me!

                                                                And me!

In other stream of consciousness news...Wow! I'm sitting here watching Once Upon a Time, and Ginnifer Goodwin and Jennifer Morrison are onscreen talking to each other without causing a riff in the space time continuum. They are so separated at birth, it's crazy. Well let's not get cocky, folks. We may have survived this 2012 disaster, but let's hope for the sake of mankind that no one casts cosmic twins Jamie Pressly and Jamie King in a TV scene together...See? I'm ALWAYS watching TV...Oh look, and the Dark Shadows trailer looks really cool and funny. Okay Burton, I'm in.

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