The Claire Danes Cryface Project

Je t'aime HOMELAND, so

this clever Pinterest site made my day.

And for my friend who missed it, here is SNL's brilliant parody:

Bzzzline.com interviews Drew Daywalt and Marichelle Daywalt at BleedFest

Bzzzline.com comes through for BleedFest Film Festival Group filmmakers yet again with this wonderful article on BleedFest Award Winners Drew Daywalt (April 2011 Partnership Award)and Marichelle Daywalt (MOCKINGBIRD, THE MANY DOORS OF ALBERT WHALE).

Great interviews with the unstoppable husband/wife team on our red carpet, and it's all just in time to celebrate Drew's amazing directorial debut on MTV comedy-horror series sensation DEATH VALLEY!

Thanks so much Alisha Rayne and Bzzzline Team! We love you and all you do for our Bleeders! Congrats Daywalts!

Twin Peaks 12 Days of Christmas

The Next Greatest Thing to watching the show itself (my favorite anything of all time).

Insomnia, 90s style

Probably haven't seen an X-Files episode in 3 years, but in 3 seconds passing SyFy I can identify episode year & title.

Firewalker season 2.

On the plus side, my brain cells previously used to store crucial ST:TNG episode data have all been overwritten with healthcare facts.

Just typing the assinine moniker "SyFy" bumped me from a 3 to a 5 on the Kinsey scale. Hold on lesbians, I'm almost there!!

LA INK

I did a long on-camera interview last week to be tattooed on LA Ink. It's with the network right now, and if they decide to pick me the tape goes in with a stack to the artists and they argue over who they want to work with. But then after that, I still could get the tattoo and be taped but not make it onto the final programs.

Interesting process I really enjoyed. Had a great time chatting with Jaime, the casting associate.

My angle was a female director working in a man's world, just like Kat and Hannah and Kim. Of course, Corey could be cool too because he's a guy who partners with empowered women and isn't diminished in the slightest.

Here's my rough idea of the tattoo, which the artist who picks me would then riff on:

It's based on Colonel Van Riper's battle strategy as explained in Malcolm Gladwell's BLINK of setting the theme, hiring the best people for the job, and then not micromanaging them in the field but allowing space for creative thinking on their feet and happy accidents. Everything I want to be as Woman King leader onset.

Ellen Degeneres commencement speech

It's that time of year again, and Ellen has outdone every speaker everywhere. A gorgeous must see via Fishbowl LA.

I love Richard Lawson

I could read his genius surrealist recaps of trash TV all. Night. Long.

And often do.

Ah, whimsy. Take me away, Calgon and Richard!

Human Giant

More free silliness.

Either this wallpaper goes or I do

God. I tried watching THE HILLS, 90210, and AMERICAN IDOL tonight from a place of irony.

No. Just...no.

Tarantino, Chelsea Handler and Diablo Cody must be taking more iron supplements than me. My stomach lining rejected it all.

THE COMMUNE on LA Talk Radio

Check out our hour-long interview on LA Talk Radio with Kip Brown IN THE CAN!!! And he wants us back in a month, or to be one of the first guests when they move to the TV show format on Time Warner. Yea, team!!!

April 4th, 2009
Listen or Download.

A cult classic. Writer/director/producer Elisabeth Fies gives a fun and twisted interview about her new psychological thriller feature THE COMMUNE. She is joined by Emmy-winning star and heart-throb David Lago, and brilliant editor/producer Todd Miro for rollicking banter about cutting edge techniques indie filmmakers should be using. Don't miss this irreverent and bold episode; even Kip said he learned a lot! "THE COMMUNE is what THE WICKER MAN remake would have been if it had any balls at all." - Pretty/Scary www.TheCommuneMovie.com

I just learned a life lesson from One Tree Hill

That's such a fucking wrong sentence. Nonetheless:

"Sometimes the beauty is in the attempt. We gave it everything we could, but it just didn’t work out."

Oh, and they had ANOTHER truth we already know:

HALEY: What’s the first thing I taught you about writing?
SAM: Tell the truth.



And yes I'm still drunk. Shut up. You with your happy happy life, and your frequent sex. Fuck off.


Now I'm watching HOUSE. And thinking about how I used to happily poledance to the themesong.

WILSON to House: I don't want you to be fine, I want you to be happy.


Happy. Everyone's bloody happy.

Seriously, where is MY happy life? Where, I ask ye...And how is it fair that I've had sex in my LIFETIME less times than Dr. Oz recommends IN A YEAR?*

I had a psychic tell me five years ago I was going to get cancer if I didn't start having sex, and I've STILL only had sex seven times since then.

I am soooo going to die of cancer. And tearful masturbation.

Sigh.


Did anyone else watch the BATTLESTAR GALACTICA series finale and think that the guy who played Sean Ellison should be my husband? Smitten, adoring puppy-dog eyes and all?


* The answer: 200 times a year.

"If you have more than 200 orgasms a year, you can reduce your physiologic age by six years," Dr. Oz says, basing this number on a study from researchers at Duke University who surveyed people about the amount and quality of sex they had. "They looked at what happened to folks that are having a lot of intercourse over time, and the fact is, it correlated." Frequent sex helps prove that your body is functioning as it is supposed to. "But in addition, having sex with someone that you care for deeply is one of the ways we achieve that Zen experience that we all crave as human beings," says Dr. Oz. "It's really a spiritual event for folks when they're with someone they love and they can consummate it with sexual activity...seems to offer some survival benefit."

EDIT: I guess you're really supposed to count the ACTUAL number of times you've had intercourse, which means I could double my number. Still nowhere near 200 times a year. Though then it seems the important thing is that you've had an ORGASM, which is dumb of Dr. Oz to equate with penetration for women....cut my number in half again...but then add on oral sex...and that Jeremy gave me two dozen orgasms in one night with his amazing hands...and I guess masturbation doesn't count as orgasm becuase I don't get the "zen experience we all crave as human beings".

This math is WAY too confusing and depressing, and still adds up to me dying from not having enough soul-connected sex. Fuck you all and your happy zen sex. Fuckers.

As if Ryanair weren't heinous enough

They want to start charging to use their toilets. Douchebags.


From Chelsea Lately: Conservatives are the biggest consumers of porn, with Utah being the number one state. Can't say anything about that, too angry.

Chelsea also ripped The Bachelor a new a-hole. I wish she'd gotten into the REAL issue of ABC setting up the "winning" fiancee to be dumped on TV for the runner-up. Beyond evil on the part of the four main people who participated. You know about this, right? Check out my earlier post. I'm beyond pissed; we've finally gotten to the point where people are going to start killing each other over the horrible things producers tell people to do to each other for ratings. OH and thanks for being douchebags and WATCHING the show!!? Highest ratings ever in their history, you American jackals. I have no problem with that dumped fiancee going on an ABC killing spree.


Saw a great sketch on David Letterman of the courtesy phauxne call with Obama letting Bush know he's withdrawing troops from Iraq (woot!)...as Bush eats potato chips on the other end.

I swear, I don't know if Obama would have won without the devastating one-two punch of Letterman and Tina Fey, NOT to be underestimated in the court of public opinion. And Letterman has been in full-on sexy "Jugular Dave" mode against Bush for at least a year. Devastating. (Which, come on ladies...when Dave's like that, you know, "Let's hope for Berlin" hahahahaha mode, don't you just want that brilliant 70-year-old man to spank you while saying mean funny smart things about how you aren't good enough? Me-effing-ow. Love you and you're natty suits Dave. Keep eviscerating Hollywood starlets, sir. Their empty vessels are begging for it.

The Bachelor

Reality Steve is my hero. Good for him for taking on ABC's lawyers to tell the truth about this despicable show.

Barbara with the lazy eye

Can't I just have both of them? I've been a really really good girl. I deserve them. Polygeny has a really high success rate.



Canine Epilepsy. It's serious, folks.

Ça c'est quoi?

"I don't know what I'm supposed to remember."
- Shawn Spencer, "An Evening With Mr. Yang" - PSYCH

Okay, so the way my life works is if I hear something repetitively through the week I consider it a sign to pay attention to.

So WHY WHY WHY have I now heard the phrase amuse bouche around five times this week?

Strange things are afoot...


Oh, and how can this already be PSYCH's season finale? Curses.

Celebrity Rehab Sober House

I'd be lying if I said I understood. Totally not my world. I'm thankful these aren't my issues, but god knows I've been through tough times and illnesses that required rehab...and I pretty much don't get what the hell they're doing here. It seems very lackadaisical. It's like week 2 and half of the people have relapsed and been immediately allowed back into the house without consequence.

I just don't get the "program" they're working here, with rules that they can choose to break whenever they want. I don't know. I don't know. It's pretty obvious why only 1 in 10 stays sober. It seems to me they should be paying for structure, like they were in a school. Lights out at 11, up at 8 to exercise, take turns cooking meals, daily therapy and group sessions...get back into structure and learning how to lead normal lives instead of indulging the narcissist drama queen actor sides of these addicts.

Flight of the Conchords - Too Many Dicks

Back in fine form tonight, after two shaky episodes.

Weird reversals

So IMHO, these shows have been rocking:

Big Love
Psych
Burn Notice
Damages
Nip/Tuck
Chelsea Lately
The Big Bang Theory

These shows have been boring the spit out of me:

Battlestar Galactica
Private Practice
Dollhouse
Brothers & Sisters

And these formally great shows have me on the fence:

Flight of the Conchords
30 Rock
House
Lost


And the most enjoyable show of all has been CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM in reruns. There you have it.

Larry David quotes

Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name, I would walk around the streets and occasionally I would see an alcove or something. And I'd think, "That'll be good, that'll be a good spot for me when I'm homeless".

Stop the presses: auto fellatio incorrecto on Nip/Tuck

Honestly, I bumped on this portrayal, too. And I swallow a lot on Nip/Tuck.

But, he wasn't that flexible...there wasn't a hose in his pant leg...and my writer's brain ALSO started going towards the "wait, wouldn't he just bend over and blow?"

Not that I've ever seen it done before online. Ahem. Or that I know by now how to judge a man's *character*.

Keep it real, Nip/Tuck. And...carry on with your bad-ass self.