Twin Peaks 12 Days of Christmas

The Next Greatest Thing to watching the show itself (my favorite anything of all time).

Social Media 2.0 Faux Pas

I've committed some doozies in the last five years of blogging for y'all. But it would appear my most egregious error was committed today, on the deceptively innocuous Facebook.

I was in the comments feed, which have been updated to a stream to more closely resemble Twitter. A diabolical layout, it turns out.

Thought I was on my buddy, longtime Kid Sis reader and fellow screenwriting funny person Josh Greenberg's feed. He left a disgusting update joke about Miggs in Silence of the Lambs throwing snot at Clarice...

But see it turns out, hahaha, and THIS is where things get funny, kids...I WASN'T leaving follow up jokes under Josh's disgusting comment.


So how things looked:

JOSH:

"In Silence of the Lambs, isn't it gross when Miggs throws his snot at Clarice? I can't think of anything more disgusting than throwing snot."

After a friend coincidentally named Liz told him that wasn't snot, volley-eth JOSH:

"that doesn't make any sense - if it's such a maximum security prison, then why would Dr. Chilton let Miggs play with Silly Putty?"

Then I wittily piped in with
LIS FIES:

"I wish someone would explain to me why men have so much more snot than women, and how it keeps ending up on my breasts. Seems like every man I date always has a cold. And I thought gentleman carried monogrammed hankies! I should write Miss Manners..."

And sat back and waited for the hilarity to ensue.

Only it didn't. Twenty minutes later, miffed Josh hadn't responded in kind, I went back to the comments feed page and found my comment WASN'T THERE under Josh's. Que?

So I wrote an equally disgusting follow up accusing him of deleting my previous post (which I've now deduced isn't actually possible to do on Facebook) and telling him that Freud was right, all women really wanted their own free silly putty dispenser like men had. To rub on their breasts.

Ten minutes later, impatient for my volley to be returned, I GO to Josh's homepage. Nothing! Wow, what an ahole! How DARE he delete me???

Somehow by the grace of Zeus, I go looking through the Friendfeed comments again. And find my comments have indeed posted. To the Facebook friend Directly. Underneath. Josh.

This MAY be one of the more effed up things I've ever done.

Let me set the scene, Gentle Reader.

Imagine, if you will, you're an innocent revered acting coach in her fifties who has posted this encouragement to your clients/readers:

DALLAS TRAVERS:

We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations. -Charles Swindoll

And underneath it apropos of nothing appears:
LIS FIES:

"I wish someone would explain to me why men have so much more snot than women, and how it keeps ending up on my breasts. Seems like every man I date always has a cold. And I thought gentleman carried monogrammed hankies! I should write Miss Manners..."

And then a follow up accusing her of deleting my previous funny post that mentions silly putty and Freud and my 36D breasts.

OOPS.


Juuuust waiting for the esteemed Ms. Dallas Travers to do what she must, and delete me from her Facebook friends.

Though Dallas DOES say on her info page that she believes in "fun and fulfillment," so maybe my faux pas will just eek by with the proper apology. Apologizing is exhausting. Imagine how Tiger Woods feels!

(Though, in my defense, Dallas DID have three "likes" from her readers...one of them MIGHT have been for me, The Innapropriate Poster (soon to be a Ten Till One sketch on Saturday Night Live))

I blame you, Josh Greenberg.

Okay, so...Not really ladylike behavior on my part. I can take responsibility for my fallout. See, I thought comedian Steve Harvey's love advice to women on Oprah was to Act like a Man and Think Like a Woman. Guess it was Act like a woman...

But what's funny about being ladylike? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Chelsea Handler isn't classy & she's dating head honcho at E. Maybe I should keep being myself: lewd, swearmonkey, Inapropriate Poster.

Oddly, this whole apologue translated perfectly in the 140 character world of Twitter. Here's what some of my Twitter virtual friends said:

@djallg00d @kidsis LOL she'll forgive you cuz it's friday and you're hilarious

@JoshGorfain @kidsis I wouldn't ask for anything different!

@Hello_Kuma @kidsis I love you to pieces for all those reasons.

@lovelylynda @kidsis You can delete your comment. :)

Lynda's an oooold Blogger friend from the beginning whom I finally met in person this last summer in our hometown Santa Rosa. But the other gentlemen don't know me and have no reason to be nice just cuz...so maybe I'm still doing okay as me.

What say ye, Blogger world?

-Lis "classy and chic like Coco Chanel" Fies


RETRO BLOGGER WAY BACK MACHINE: Oh, and what was I posting about almost exactly a year ago? Another hi-larious Larry David's Sister moment. Worth reading. Happy effin' Holidays.

Police Find Boy, 4, Wandering Streets Drunk Wearing A Dress

Oh thank Zeus, someone's found my child! I donated an egg a few years back, and I've been walking the earth drunk like Caine ever since to find him...

Police Find Boy, 4, Wandering Streets Drunk Wearing A Dress

Mark Stolaroff on Paramount's new microbudget division

Great article.


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