Just too much to do. I've gotten much done, but there's SO MUCH MORE. Can't imagine how I could be getting through this if I was working fulltime right now. Hats off to you who have.
So many thank you card and emails I should be returning, but I just can't talk to anyone right now. The phone calls alone have been exhausting. Wonderful, but ultimately tiring. It's hard to tell the story of Mom's death fresh for each person. I don't want to get into some rote blah blah blah thing about it, her friends and family deserve to hear it like I'm telling it for the first time, but when you're on the fourth dozen rendition of it...guess I'm not Yul Brynner in The King and I.
Funny, I'm growing irritated with the friends acting like nothing happened. I mean, I don't want to be treated with kid gloves, and I'm trying to stay in a spiritual place about this, but I also don't like phone calls where it's like "So what's new with you? How ya doing?" Huh? Like I want to chit chat about their crappy day. Kinda doesn't compare, you know? I'm sorry, were you orphaned?
Definitely feeling a need today to curl up and hug a pillow. Where is my ass-kicking clone? Need clone.
God. Soooo obvious Aunt Flo is visiting. Cramp, cry, bitch, moan. Shovel food in. Wah, I miss my Mom. At least I worked out today and took the dogs to the park. So what if the corporate taxes aren't done yet. Jail is lovely this time of year.
4 comments:
With the sincere intention of avoiding cliches and platitudes -- I hope you're as OK as is even remotely sanely possible.
As I wrote below, the testament was quite touching. CC had to write one for her great-gradnmother a few years ago -- the family matriarch -- and I realize it is far more painful and arduous than most could imagine.
Prayers and love --
MIM
Few people are any good at comforting someone who is grieving. They mean to be helpful, but they just don't get it, and they don't understand (until a loss of their own) that "How are you doing?" is the most painful (if well-meaning) question in the world.
It's okay to answer with, "Not well. In fact, I feel pretty cruddy." Or some variation of that. You don't have to console the consolers by pretending to be okay. That's not your burden.
And when someone says, "Is there anything I can do?"...give them something to do. Ask for some help with the notes and phone calls. (Loved ones will understand if someone calls or writes on your behalf and says, "Kid Sis really wanted to talk to you/write to you herself, but she's a little worn out from everything right now, so I'm helping her out.")Tell people that you're exhausted and ask if they could bring you a meal or run to the store or do errands for you.
Most people really do want to feel useful. Accept their help as freely as you would offer help to someone else.
You're on a tough road. I wish you strength for the journey and peace at the end.
I have been so wrapped up in my own life that I didn't even know what had happened. I am so sorry. Please accept my sincerest condolences. My heartfelt thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
The most important thing is to allow yourself to feel whatever feeling comes along. Grieving is very personal and no two people do it the same. You have experienced something that most people have no idea how to deal with and its only natural that you would have many conflicting emotions about it. Anybody who is truly your friend will understand.
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