Light a Candle

Nurse Sis just took Mom to the emergency room. Mom has had a rough week after a month of increasingly rough weeks.

At this point she isn't ambulatory, as Nurse Sis calls it...which means she can't get her legs working enough to use the porta potty.

This is all a side effect of the spectacular radio surgery that cured her brain tumor...but now two years later has put her in a wheelchair, hopefully temporarily.

Basically, tonight they're putting her on a higher dose of steroids to counteract the higher amount of brain swelling, and they're monitoring her in the hospital because the steroid increase caused her sugar levels to spike dangerously high. They're mixing up a pharamceutical dose, and have to get the balance just right so that it does the most good possible before it hits that level where it starts causing harm elsewhere. And don't tell Tom Cruise we love the drugs.

So please light a candle or say a prayer or just think a happy thought for Mom and Nurse Sis. They're in for a rough Friday night. The LA ER is bad enough without it being a weekend AND a full moon.

It's funny, I was really depressed seeing my b-day photos and how fat I am. And a good friend was trying to tell me to cut myself some slack, that the constant pressure we're all under would have broken most people by now. Guess I'm imploding instead of exploding. I think it's the 2 1/2 years of worry that are really the worst. Wanting her to be happy and hearing that she isn't; wanting her to live and hearing she's in pain. Trying to do everything I can to make her life a little better. We're all so worn out; I guess it makes sense the solace I've turned to is chocolate. Not that I even eat that much, but the combo of no time to work out plus a little extra every day = me not strong enough to lift her when she falls, too clumsy and pudgy to catch her. I've gotta get these pounds off for her sake as much as mine. But there's something about being in my body that causes me too much grief. I feel too much again when I exercise or write...that's why I'm constantly engaged in this struggle of knowing it's my salvation, and the last thing on earth I want to do.

Anyways, there is some hope for Mom. The doctor said it's normal for the brain swelling to go up and down, causing her leg use ability to fluctuate for up to the next two years. So Mom has up to another two years for the symptoms to stabilize in good way that will allow her to walk again. Hope for that, and for a mini-vacation for her in the hospital that makes her feel better than she did today.

Goodnight. Thanks for listening.