How cool is this?

"This is not another teen movie. PISTOLERAS delivers a knockout female empowerment message--its heroines make Charlie's Angels look like the Girl Scouts."
--Erin Torneo, co-author, The Bridal Wave

Rad quote

"She was perfect. I lost the perfect woman. (Beat.) I should have knocked her up when I had the chance."
- Marshall, HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER

Inspirational thought for the day

"An ant on the move does more than a dozing ox." - Mexican Proverb

That would be a great indy film slogan.

Latest Google Search

Man, this is soooo great! Look how someone found my site...

Las Divas de Batman

Bloody Awful

Saw BLOOD DIAMOND tonight with blog pal Meg. It was okay. Poor film wore its earnest heart on its sleeve. I fear they tried so hard to make a middle of the road movie, they'll please no one. I was quite bored with all the machineguns and explosions. It had the same oversensory non-thrills as the last eighteen years of Cubby's Bond films.

The plot points were executed with Swiss watch precision that screamed "Hollywood Epic...Oscar can you hear me?" And I feel for the cause they're trying to make into a blockbuster. But where was the heart behind the paint by numbers? Even the hit rap song over the credits felt like a calculated, group-think decision. I'd really like to see what Mr. Zwick woudl do with a microbudget and no studio goons perched on his shoulders.

Did anyone else notice how fast Oprah jettisoned her campaign for Forrest Whitaker in favor of ratings-friendly Leonardo Dicaprigay? No matter how many times Oprah said Leo's getting the Oscar, all I could think was Did he have the same dialect coach as Kevin Costner? Why hasn't that guy been fired?

And what exactly did Jennifer Connely's character being slutty and not wearing a bra in war-torn Africa have to do with any kind of reality women live in? None of the women I saw the flick with could figure that out. We were laughing DURING the movie.

Just goes to show that the geeky screenwriters who don't know what to do with women in real life don't know what to do with them onscreen either. Shocking. But obviously a good decision to continue hiring 95% male for the films Hollywood's actually hoping to trick 51% of the population into seeing. Morons.

I don't care what great performance is in it, or how worthy the social cause may be. I'm declaring a moratorium on my viewing of African War Films. Enough already. This ban will join my refusal to see Vietnam War Films, World War II Films, Vietnam War Films, Holocaust Films, Pro Pedophile Films, Disease of the Week Films, and anything by Peter Greenaway or anyone involved in creating the abomination of celluloid that was HAPPINESS (though by all means, see that film if you need to learn how to projectile vomit on cue for the rest of your life. Seriously.).

Oh, and films that feature bad spelling, i.e. THE PURSUIT OF THE HAPPYNESS OF WILL SMITH'S CHILDREN ALSO EARNING PAYCHECKS AND OPRAH PRAISE...WITH INNAPROPRIATELY EROTIC MOVIE POSTERS. (I hope all those overpaid marketers get Christmas pink slips for crafting a poster that has four references to pedophilia with an unwitting father and son. Unreal. No, I'm not being too hard on them; having studied and worked in commercial advertising, let me tell you...those aholes know exactly what they're saying. They pretend to be the dumb ones while behind closed doors they laugh at how dumb we are.)

SPOILER (if you're clever, and give an eff): At least BLOOD DIAMOND didn't make the same horrible story mistake THE LAST SAMURAI committed. Which means Ed Zwick is listenting to Laurie Hutzler, mayhap?

Brother Odd

Devoured BROTHER ODD by Dean Koontz in 3.5 hours. Though to be fair, I was speed-reading.

Liked the prose more than the first Odd book, but the story less. So, all in all, gotta go with this book over the other. Because really, when you're reading, it's all about the prose. And as I said earlier this month, the first Odd kept knocking you over the head with its cloying, self-conscious writing. This novel went down smoooooth.

Be interesting to see which one gets made into a movie first, especially since movies are all about the story.

Just found out there was an Odd book inbetween...Koontz did a good job of making it unnecessary to the current plot, as I had no clue I was missing a chapter in the trilogy. All in all, the series is a bit like a Nancy Drew book where you can pick up the adventure as you like. I'd recommend BROTHER ODD.

Sure Shot

If iTunes came in $2-$5 gift certificates, I would have bought a ton of those for the holidays instead of spending the same amount on Christmas cards.

Apple's loss.

I know it well....

Pistoleras, baby!

Guess what's up over at Charles's site? The first public panel of the graphic novel! Whoo-hoo!

Editor's note: Apparently I shouldn't drink and link. Here's the ACTUAL LINK to Charles's website, and not the comic porn above. Which still makes me giggle. He hee Godhead.

Hot diggity dog.

Another Successful Screenplay Reading

Just posted this on the Feedback LA site, but figured you guys need an update, too! - Lis


Another wonderful audience, and tons of fun with our trivia game and themed giveaway. But of course, the night belonged to the vibrant, uber-talented actors of

DIVAS INC. by Elisabeth Fies

In order of appearance:

Heidi Hornbacher NARRATOR, C.JAY

Troy Conrad KENNY

Chauntal Lewis SARAH

Carlos Carrasco MR. MILES, DIRECTOR

Rashaan Harper SARAH’S LITTLEST SISTER, TEEN, EMCEE,
REPORTER, KATE, KNITTING TRANSVESTITE, BOOTH ATTENDENT

Rebecca Michaels MOTHER MILES BISHOP, PROTEST LEADER, NURSE,PRE-OP TRANNIE, FLAMBOYANT PRIEST

Trevor Murphy POPS / DIVA

Joe Peracchio MA / MISS JULIE

Jonah Blechman MANLY KNITTER / YVONNE

Tarek Zohdy JOE, DELIVERYMAN, JESSE PRODUCTION ASSISTANT, FRATBOY

Tara Radcliffe RAQUEL

Annette Reid BARBARA, BARTENDER, TRANSGENDERED CLERK, GLIB HOST, CROSSDRESSER, RADIO ANNOUNCER



As always, the feedback from the audience and cast was incredibly helpful. And the crowd had this to say about the script:

"I loved the script reading! Very witty and cute!"
-Gregg Silver, Broker Associate

"You are truly talented...It's just a matter of time and unfortunately $, but things are going to really start coming together for these projects. I just know it and I'm so excited!"
-Chauntal Lewis, Actor

"Thanks again for the invite. It was fun!
-Cindy Baer, Director-Producer of Purgatory House

"It was a blast and your friends you assembled were all very cool and interesting and contributed with a lot of heart and talent to the reading. Just honored to have been up there with them. and I feel like your script is really funny and touching…and perhaps even more important – I've never seen it before. In other words it's original and exciting."
-Joe Peracchio, Artistic Director of Tricklock Theatre Company

"I have to tell you, I can't stop reading! This is hilarious! I am laughing out loud at starbucks!"
-Tarek Zohdy, Actor

Late Night With Lis

Just watched Jason Segal (How I Met Your Mother) on Conan, and he totally won me over. Charming. Witty. 6'4". Hard to argue with that.

Can't wait for Joan Jett, coming up after the commercial break. Joan Jett features prominantly in PISTOLERAS.

Also can't wait to see this. The music alone makes me weep.

UPDATE: JJ was hot. Eff, man, how old is she? How come I've NEVER looked like that? Bitch.

Now I'm rewatching Heroes. Really like it. But as someone who writes original screenplays, I really had no idea it was so acceptable to crib other people's material. I mean, wow. It's well done, but it should be, the way they're stealing. (speaking of stealing, did you guys watch both Librarian movies? Oofdah!)

So as much as I swear I like Heroes, here are three thoughts that never leave my mind:

Why does every Hero ride the bus?
Can the comic community file a class action lawsuit?
If Tim Sale is doing all the artwork, why does it suck hairy gonads?

At last...

After boring the eff out of me all season, both Battlestar Galactica and Dr. Who FINALLY had the spectacular episodes I expect every week.

Which is slighltly diminished by these snarky, hysterical reviews on Television Without Pity.

Enjoy.

BSG
Dr. Who

And yes, I feel for the incomparable cult favorite Jane Espenson, who is right in her assesment that her episode for BSG is now following the effing Beatles. Man, that's rough. But we still love you, Jane.

And we'll love you even more if your episode rocks out. Because BSG has only had one save-worthy episode this year, IMHO. Even with the creepy Cylon menage a trois.

Sonic Scream

Was just listening to Sam Beam's music, and now I've got snot pouring down my face. Lovely. Nothing like music to remind you of love lost.

It's...I don't know. Things are going great. Everything's falling into place, and I'm clearly on my mission's life path. Hey, I've always been resolved to be the Woman King. It's fine, really. The life of a Jedi Knight for me. Blah-dee-blah blah.

But it's a lie. I'm effing lonely. Just, down to the bones, somebody put a bullet in my gut, miss Him. Not a damn thing to be done about it. I have no idea why I ever had to meet him, or how he could shake me to the core and still love me a little less then he needed to choose me.

Okay.

Breaktime's over.

Back to saving the world.

Get up, Trinity.

How to handle a telemarketer

Worth the click.

Learning More

About me, 'cuz that's what it's all about, right?

Prepping for this screenplay reading this Tuesday night (if you're in LA, come!) What I've realized about my screenwriting process now is that it takes until the fourth draft (theme pass) for people to understand and like my screenplays. Totally valuable info for me. Because that means what I need to do is show drafts two (still crap) throught three (the character pass) to my trusted readers for feedback on confusions, inconsistencies, and what I'm actually saying in the script versus what I want it to say.

Piece of cake. Got my process down.

It takes a lot of the angst out of being misunderstood. I always knew I could write, but I couldn't figure out why my screenplay were clear to me and muddy to everyone else. UCLA was terrible for me because the professors only ever read your barf draft (that would be #1...the one all those publicists like to claim is the one people write in 7 days and then make into a successful film...LIES!). And the professors could never see where I was going. So I got some weird-ass feedback from the grownups. But the other writers had more patience and imagination, and always encouraged me to keep going.

Hey, and now here I am with a film being made, and by February I'll have two more sellable, polished scripts that I'm really proud of. And that's not counting the one I'm only at the midpoint first draft on right now, which is my favorite.

Thank the gods; progress.

Things are really starting to roll on "Pistoleras". We've got an official self-defense organization as our co-producer, our first investor, and next week we'll have a letter of intent to star from a young hot actor with an Emmy.

Rock and roll, bitch.

Just wish Mom was here to see the "Divas Inc." reading. She loved that script. And I really think she would have loved Jonah Blechman, one of my amazing actors reading this Tuesday. He has a very shiny soul, and was absolutely amazing in Another Gay Movie.

Eight Kinds of Wrong

I have to put myself to bed now, after being up all night again working on the script, and, blessedly, some paid editing work for someone else.

Uhhhh. Must go find hairy, shedding, drooling doggies to cuddle.

But before I say goodnight, I have to add this mental picture that I can't wipe out of my brain:

Matthew Broderick.

On The View

Promoting a crappy, middle-aged movie

With grey hair

And a receding hairline.
.
.
.
.
.
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Bueller.

*sniff sniff*

That's just eight kinds of wrong.

Vendors

The very word sends shivers down my spine.

Since August, Team Pistoleras has had a movie production meeting every Tuesday afternoon. And everytime I go over the list of things to do, the hold ups are caused by vendors who don't do what they say they're going to do.

And I found this in corporate life, too. You can give them respect, titles, copious paychecks, and they'll still have you on your knees begging and sobbing like a little bitch.

God dammit.

Our line producer says I'm great at delegating, but I swear to Beetlejuice, it always feels like we end up doing everything ourselves and they get everything for nothing.

This is my fantasy:

Things You Can't Do When You're Not In A Pool

Divas Inc.

FEEDBACK LA cordially invites you to a reading of

Divas Inc.
by Elisabeth Fies

"The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" meets "Queer Eye"

GENRE: Gay comedy/satire
TAG: They'll blow your hair and your mind.

A sheltered Mormon teen from Idaho follows his ambitious fiance to Hollywood. When she dumps him for a director, only the salon of friendly neighborhood transvestites can help him win her back. With their makeover and relationship advice, the pilgrim makes a desperate bid to save her soul from LA and get home virginity intact. But are his fairy godmothers helping him, or do they have their own nefarious agenda?

ELISABETH FIES is…"Kid Sis", as seen on CNN in the Eisner-winning book "Mom's Cancer" and the popular blog Kid Sis in Hollywood

* Associate Producer of "Conventioneers" (2006 Spirit Award).
* Writer/director of "Pistoleras" (in pre-production).
* LisFies.com
* IMDb Elisabeth Fies

Tuesday, December 5th at 7:30 p.m.

Meta Theatre
7801 Melrose Avenue 90046
Corner of Melrose and Ogden. 2 blocks east of Fairfax.



The "Divas Inc." feature script is based on the short "Divas Incorporated" written by Lis Fies and directed by Tim Laurie.



Writer Lis Fies takes advantage of the casting couch.

The Reading List

I usually knock out a book a week, but I haven't written about them in quite some time. Here are my latest conquests.

First Time Director by Gil Bettman
Some solid advice worth the gander. Set politics are complicated, and there was some interesting stuff here.

Beauty Bites Beast by Ellen Snortland
Amazing, required reading for all women and the men who love them. Fantastic self-defense techniques, and analysis of our society's myriad of reasons for keeping women defenseless. Proud to have Ellen supporting PISTOLERAS.

Odd Thomas by Dean Koontz
My cousin loves this book and forced me to borrow it...and I have to say, it was a fast, fun read. The eponymous title refers to a twenty-year old fry cook who can see dead people. The prose is self-conscious at times and I found the unreliable narrator shtick to be cloying, but I was fascinated enough by the plot to keep going. The chapters are divided into movie-scene length, and the book is clearly aiming for adaptation. Nothing wrong with that. I'd like to see some of these supernatural creations onscreen. All in all, a worthwhile yarn.

Ruins by Scott Smith
A long, long book about vines eating people. I don't know who Smith blew to get good reviews for this novel. I found the plot despicable. Smith's sentences are as beautifully constructed as they were in a "A Simple Plan", but I didn't give a damn about the characters. It simply wound down to its inevitable, horrible conclusion. That's fine for brilliance like "The Shining"...but King gave us iconic imagery, genuine scares, and constantly surprised us. Smith gives us...well, how many ways CAN a plant eat undeveloped lead characters? According to him, six ways. Blech.

And by the way, how much is Nip/Tuck sucking?

Pistoleras artwork

Check out this amazing cover by comic artist Charles Yoakum. We're going to use it for the cover of our Investor Pack!

Two Things Never Fail to Amaze Me

1. No matter how many people think I'm capable on computers, I'll try something new like switching to a Gmail account and be completely retarded on it. (Just recognizing now, a week into it, that they stack their emails into topics...so I've not been noticing new emails to me.)

2. No matter how many times you check with spellcheck, or how many people you give your script to for editing, there will still be typos when it's passed on to that A list actress or director.

So effing frustrating.

Attention

ALIENS ARE COMING TO ABDUCT ALL THE GOOD LOOKING AND SEXY PEOPLE.



YOU WILL BE SAFE; I'M JUST BLOGGING TO SAY GOODBYE.






Sorry. Got that email from a friend and thought it was worth a giggle.

Sore Loser

Putting aside political parties, I'm watching the presidential news conference right now and my jaw is on the ground at how bitchy George Bush is being. It's embarrassing.

NANOWRIMO

I finally joined NANOWRIMO.org this year, because, well I clearly don't have enough on my plate, so why not write my first novel.

I'm adapting the PISTOLERAS script into a novel. The goal is to have written 50,000 words (175 novel pages) by November 30th. They won't be pretty and polished, but I'll have a first draft to work on over the holidays.

All part of the plan to take "Pistoleras" into every medium.

Right now I'm on word 2,592. Whoot!

Movie Man

I had a dream last night that Roger Ebert died. Then I woke up in the morning to an email update from RogerEbert.com and was relieved. But when I went to the site, no more Roger postings. His stand-in is back.

Sigh. I wish they'd post more updates on his health.

But Borat sounds brilliant.

Champagne Time!

Slept three hours because I was up writing. Locked the PISTOLERAS script down today.

Heidi and Tara are giving it today to a movie star and an A-list composer.

Holy crap. I'm not invisible anymore. People are reading my work.

Freaky.


Tomorrow we send it out to friends for blurb requests. Aaron is back in NYC raising the money.

Pistoleras is out in the world.

Rock on.

November is Lung Cancer Awareness Month

Make people aware!
Add
to your webpage or blog!

Red Doors - the movie

My friend Catherine Park is the producer of an Asian-American indie movie that's making waves at festivals. Red Doors is just finishing its theatrical realease and is coming out on DVD November 14th. Add it to your Netflix queue!

It's been quite a Cinderella story for the Red Doors movie, and the filmmakers involved seem very sweet and hardworking. They even got a TV spinoff, and though it wasn't picked it up this season they've continued to build on their successes and sell out screenings across the country. Very cool. Here's their Myspace page to add them as a friend.

Halloween

As you guys know, I'm a horror buff. Halloween is a fun time for me because the cable channels play scary movies non-stop.

Even though there's a glut of horrors to choose from, most of them fall into the derivative category of prurient gore. You know the story by heart. Six sexed up teenagers get stranded in a (blank), where a (blank) kills all of them but the female virgin, who escapes, mind-effed for life. These kind are so boring they make me want to hurt myself. Although if you get stuck watching one of these with a group, you can make it a little more fun by all writing down what order the characters will perish in. Bonus points for how.

The horror movies we remember usually fit Wes Craven's definition of thriller-horror (Horror is fear of damage to the body, thriller is fear of damage to the soul). That's Se7en, Rosemary's Baby, The Sixth Sense, The Wicker Man, The Shining, Halloween (he's not just an anonymous slasher, he's her retarded brother whose eyes were literally forced to see through), The Excorcist, etc. You know, the ones people talk about and remember.

So it's hard to find a GOOD horror movie by that definition. One that's more than gore with no psychological scares.

If you're looking to be scared I've found some obscure, well-made films I can recommend that you may not have seen. They're all available on Netflix.

May
Ginger Snaps (the whole trilogy)
Love Object
Hellraiser VII: Deader
Hard Candy
Tremors IV: The Legend Begins
Nip/Tuck Season 2
White Noise
The Mothman Prophecies
Frailty
Dark Prince: The True Story of Dracula

And the oldies you may not have seen:
Zombie
Ms. 45
Black Christmas
The Wicker Man
Stir of Echoes
Manhunter
The Watcher in the Woods
The Lost Boys

Personally I'll be watching Slither and The Woods this weekend.


And from this month's Creative Screenwriting:
All facts considered, horror is essentially defined by what scares a given society at a specific time, a fact made all the more relevant by the influx of international nightmares on American cinema screens. Writer Stephen Susco puts the cultural difference into perspective as he considers the eponymous force from his script for The Grudge. "This is so much bigger than the characters. It is such human hubris to think they can stop it." The key theme of inevitability pervades Japanese supernatural horror. As Susco succinctly puts it: "In Asian horror, you're just fucked."

In constructing a modern horror tale, "The most important idea is character empathy," explains Susco. "A lot of scary movies go wrong by not making the horror personal." Tracy Letts, who adapted his stage play Bug into a feature film for Exorcist director William Friedkin, agrees. "Characters that, on some level, the audience can identify with have a lot to do with a successful story." Susco notes that any number of slasher films present characters the audience couldn't care less about, while "the horror films people point to as the best are the ones where you can really empathize with, and relate to, the character."

Like what you just read? Read Jason Davis' full piece on Writing the Horror Film in the latest issue of Creative Screenwriting Magazine, on sale now!

Hollywoodland

I'm at an all-day film seminar AGAIN yesterday and today (after last Saturday and Sunday) so if you're writing or calling me that's why I'm MIA.

Had to give you a quick update though that I sat next to Faye Dunaway yesterday...Pretty cool.

Also hanging out with my buddy Catherine Park. Check out her rad magazine Giant Robot!

100 Things

It's been brought to my attention that I have to change number 20 on my list.

It's true. For the first time, I puked from drinking.

It was a worthy cause - my old friend Sacha's 40th birthday. Seven of us in a limo, mixing five kinds of alchohol. By the time we got to the very Hollywood Hotel Figuero, I was laying across the toilet wondering if Lindsay Lohan had "prayed" there, too. In true rockstar style, it was barely 7 pm.

Ironically, I popped back up within an hour of drinking, stone cold sober and pert as a nineteen year old. No headache the next day, either. My compatriots did not fair as well.

I've always had a mortal fear/distaste of upchucking that's led me to great lengths to avoid it, and apparently a lot of unnecessary pain. In the case of wrongful alchohol consumption, I must now highly recommend it. Beats hangovers and days of the runs.

Back it Up, Baby!

Great recommendation from Amanda Brouda for a free Backup service. Make sure you give her credit when you sign up!

Interesting

I'm not sure what this daily photo project is saying, but something about it stuck with me so I decided to share. If nothing else, it's a testament to how a few minutes of creative work a day can pay off bigtime.



Also found this quote in Step Inside Design magazine:

There's a helluva distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.
- Dorothy Parker

ebert

So wonderful to see Ebert back, and with such a feminist review! I'd begun mourning him already. Still not convinced that he's going to be here much longer, but it touched my heart to hear his "voice" again.

Here's Mora Stephens, director of Conventioneers, with Roger at the Spirit Awards. I'm exceedingly happy for her that she had the opportunity!

Conventioneers

The amazing, Spirit-Award winning film Conventioneers opens today in New York City!

Not only is it a fabulous, timely film, but it is my debut as an associate producer...so please go check it out!

If you don't live in New York, explore the website I built for now and check back to learn when it's coming to your town.



And good luck to Mora and Joel as they take a bite of the apple!

Ghost Hunters

The most boring TV show I have ever sat through. Apologies to anyone I know who makes it, but crikey...

Evolution of a Model

Sad News

Miriam Engelberg has passed. If you have a friend with cancer, buy her book and pass it along.

Wrong and Horrifying

Wonder what Aunt Twisty would have to say about this performance art.

LA Tips

The life-altering IMPACT self defense class (known in noCalifornia as Model Mugging) is starting again. I can't strongly enough urge every female to take it:

New Basics class is starting: October the 29th from 1:00 to 5:00.

Please forward to anyone you know that might be in to it. They can contact maureen@absolutionla.com to register.

Be sure to watch the fight clip at http://www.impactpersonalsafety.com/

And...

AFI.com still has tix left for the David Lynch screening on Monday November 6th at 7 pm in the Cineramadome (yeah, boiii!). AFI may well have the only theatrical screenings of his brand new "Inland Empire", as the maestro is taking on our outdated model and distributing himself. So get your butt over there to see it, just in case it never sees the dark light of a movie theatre again.

Added bonus: the 179 minute movie was shot on a Sony PD150, so if you're like me and OWN one, you must go see what a master can do with the technology. Go go movie democratization!

And for you non La La land readers, if you haven't seen Okay Go's music videos, it's worth the trip to You Tube. Also check out Tea Partay and BACKSTABBER: Dresden Dolls VS Panic! At The Disco. The future of advertising is here, and it's youtube.

New Insight

I have an intuitive friend who heard my astrological signs at the party and explained to another friend it meant I was "oversensitive and saw things the way they really are."


Hmmm. By George, I think she's right. For instance, I might have noticed one friend was upset when leaving the party and wondered if I'd done something wrong, when she was actually upset about a juicy situation at the party I had nothing to do with.

I wonder if my Catholic upbringing helps steep my horoscope in guilt...

New Fishie

I've started a new blog called SuperFishies to keep track of our sightings. Let me know whenever you have a Fishie and I'll post it!

I got one Saturday from Mom and just blogged about it!

Superstar

Congratulations to my good buddy Annette Reid for her three-scene gig on "Desperate Housewives" last night. She was the red-head mom who told Felicity's character the dirt on the star pitcher!




And here's how I feel after throwing another one of Brenda's famous parties this weekend:


I'm realizing I just don't have the temperment for big gatherings anymore. It's like a wedding: you can't go more than a few feet without someone talking to you, so you never finish a conversation, pee, or eat, and by the time it's over you realize there's a dozen people who never came up and talked to you and that the food's gone.

I prefer my intimate 5-7 people gatherings that are informal, but this is Nurse Sis's thing. She loooves being the hostess of huge gatherings, and always does it with great generousity and style.

I'm also seeing how little tolerance I have for my friends who don't care that it was just the one year anniversary of mom's death. Some unexpected people were lovely and touching about it and gave great advice and support at the party (it was pretty obvious I wasn't myself), while a disappointing amount of supposedly close friends ignored it or tried giving me guilt trips because they wanted something from me at a time I told everyone I was going to be curled up on the couch for a few weeks.

There are the people who called or sent flowers and well-wishes and tried to help, and there are the people who stuck out as users. It's very interesting how me needing support culls the herd again.

Everybody Back on the Bus

Okay, I've decided I'm ready to start posting again, and that I'm going to be sentimental and keep the old blogger digs instead of upgrading to typepad. For future reference, if you just bookmark me at "http://www.KidSisInHollywood.com" you'll always find me.

So here's the deal. I stopped posting for three reasons.

1. I was overwhelmed by work (amazing things happening I will post about soon)
2. I was overwhelmed by choices (when the Typepad move didn't go smoothly and many of you didn't like the idea, it threw me into confusion and nonaction...a state that sentimental choices have had me in ever since Mom died. Sound familiar to any other grievers?
3. Lynne White died.

Number three is really the most important. I didn't realize how sick Lynne was until the third week of August. By then I'd had her on my daily list of phone calls since the 20th, but never made it in time. I can't tell you how much her daily absence from this site makes me never want to blog again. Or how guilt-ridden I feel for not contacting her before her death, or her lovely daughter Jill afterwards.

But reactions to death and our inapropriate behavior are strange things...even now I'd still rather stew and feel like crap then email Jill to apologize and ask how she's doing and extend my help. I guess the first step is admitting what's going on in my effed up head, so maybe this post will help some of you going through similarly bizarre grief patterns.

I can say Lynne was a lovely painter and wrote an adorable children's book, so if you miss her positive, loving presence as much as I do please go support the art that helps her live on in our memories.

Also, I'm beginning a FISHIES blog for Mom and Lynne. Just starting it now, but I hope it grows into a collection of stories from people who've received hellos from loved ones who've passed.