Vendors

The very word sends shivers down my spine.

Since August, Team Pistoleras has had a movie production meeting every Tuesday afternoon. And everytime I go over the list of things to do, the hold ups are caused by vendors who don't do what they say they're going to do.

And I found this in corporate life, too. You can give them respect, titles, copious paychecks, and they'll still have you on your knees begging and sobbing like a little bitch.

God dammit.

Our line producer says I'm great at delegating, but I swear to Beetlejuice, it always feels like we end up doing everything ourselves and they get everything for nothing.

This is my fantasy:

Things You Can't Do When You're Not In A Pool

Divas Inc.

FEEDBACK LA cordially invites you to a reading of

Divas Inc.
by Elisabeth Fies

"The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" meets "Queer Eye"

GENRE: Gay comedy/satire
TAG: They'll blow your hair and your mind.

A sheltered Mormon teen from Idaho follows his ambitious fiance to Hollywood. When she dumps him for a director, only the salon of friendly neighborhood transvestites can help him win her back. With their makeover and relationship advice, the pilgrim makes a desperate bid to save her soul from LA and get home virginity intact. But are his fairy godmothers helping him, or do they have their own nefarious agenda?

ELISABETH FIES is…"Kid Sis", as seen on CNN in the Eisner-winning book "Mom's Cancer" and the popular blog Kid Sis in Hollywood

* Associate Producer of "Conventioneers" (2006 Spirit Award).
* Writer/director of "Pistoleras" (in pre-production).
* LisFies.com
* IMDb Elisabeth Fies

Tuesday, December 5th at 7:30 p.m.

Meta Theatre
7801 Melrose Avenue 90046
Corner of Melrose and Ogden. 2 blocks east of Fairfax.



The "Divas Inc." feature script is based on the short "Divas Incorporated" written by Lis Fies and directed by Tim Laurie.



Writer Lis Fies takes advantage of the casting couch.

The Reading List

I usually knock out a book a week, but I haven't written about them in quite some time. Here are my latest conquests.

First Time Director by Gil Bettman
Some solid advice worth the gander. Set politics are complicated, and there was some interesting stuff here.

Beauty Bites Beast by Ellen Snortland
Amazing, required reading for all women and the men who love them. Fantastic self-defense techniques, and analysis of our society's myriad of reasons for keeping women defenseless. Proud to have Ellen supporting PISTOLERAS.

Odd Thomas by Dean Koontz
My cousin loves this book and forced me to borrow it...and I have to say, it was a fast, fun read. The eponymous title refers to a twenty-year old fry cook who can see dead people. The prose is self-conscious at times and I found the unreliable narrator shtick to be cloying, but I was fascinated enough by the plot to keep going. The chapters are divided into movie-scene length, and the book is clearly aiming for adaptation. Nothing wrong with that. I'd like to see some of these supernatural creations onscreen. All in all, a worthwhile yarn.

Ruins by Scott Smith
A long, long book about vines eating people. I don't know who Smith blew to get good reviews for this novel. I found the plot despicable. Smith's sentences are as beautifully constructed as they were in a "A Simple Plan", but I didn't give a damn about the characters. It simply wound down to its inevitable, horrible conclusion. That's fine for brilliance like "The Shining"...but King gave us iconic imagery, genuine scares, and constantly surprised us. Smith gives us...well, how many ways CAN a plant eat undeveloped lead characters? According to him, six ways. Blech.

And by the way, how much is Nip/Tuck sucking?

Pistoleras artwork

Check out this amazing cover by comic artist Charles Yoakum. We're going to use it for the cover of our Investor Pack!

Two Things Never Fail to Amaze Me

1. No matter how many people think I'm capable on computers, I'll try something new like switching to a Gmail account and be completely retarded on it. (Just recognizing now, a week into it, that they stack their emails into topics...so I've not been noticing new emails to me.)

2. No matter how many times you check with spellcheck, or how many people you give your script to for editing, there will still be typos when it's passed on to that A list actress or director.

So effing frustrating.

Attention

ALIENS ARE COMING TO ABDUCT ALL THE GOOD LOOKING AND SEXY PEOPLE.



YOU WILL BE SAFE; I'M JUST BLOGGING TO SAY GOODBYE.






Sorry. Got that email from a friend and thought it was worth a giggle.

Sore Loser

Putting aside political parties, I'm watching the presidential news conference right now and my jaw is on the ground at how bitchy George Bush is being. It's embarrassing.

NANOWRIMO

I finally joined NANOWRIMO.org this year, because, well I clearly don't have enough on my plate, so why not write my first novel.

I'm adapting the PISTOLERAS script into a novel. The goal is to have written 50,000 words (175 novel pages) by November 30th. They won't be pretty and polished, but I'll have a first draft to work on over the holidays.

All part of the plan to take "Pistoleras" into every medium.

Right now I'm on word 2,592. Whoot!

Movie Man

I had a dream last night that Roger Ebert died. Then I woke up in the morning to an email update from RogerEbert.com and was relieved. But when I went to the site, no more Roger postings. His stand-in is back.

Sigh. I wish they'd post more updates on his health.

But Borat sounds brilliant.

Champagne Time!

Slept three hours because I was up writing. Locked the PISTOLERAS script down today.

Heidi and Tara are giving it today to a movie star and an A-list composer.

Holy crap. I'm not invisible anymore. People are reading my work.

Freaky.


Tomorrow we send it out to friends for blurb requests. Aaron is back in NYC raising the money.

Pistoleras is out in the world.

Rock on.

November is Lung Cancer Awareness Month

Make people aware!
Add
to your webpage or blog!

Red Doors - the movie

My friend Catherine Park is the producer of an Asian-American indie movie that's making waves at festivals. Red Doors is just finishing its theatrical realease and is coming out on DVD November 14th. Add it to your Netflix queue!

It's been quite a Cinderella story for the Red Doors movie, and the filmmakers involved seem very sweet and hardworking. They even got a TV spinoff, and though it wasn't picked it up this season they've continued to build on their successes and sell out screenings across the country. Very cool. Here's their Myspace page to add them as a friend.

Halloween

As you guys know, I'm a horror buff. Halloween is a fun time for me because the cable channels play scary movies non-stop.

Even though there's a glut of horrors to choose from, most of them fall into the derivative category of prurient gore. You know the story by heart. Six sexed up teenagers get stranded in a (blank), where a (blank) kills all of them but the female virgin, who escapes, mind-effed for life. These kind are so boring they make me want to hurt myself. Although if you get stuck watching one of these with a group, you can make it a little more fun by all writing down what order the characters will perish in. Bonus points for how.

The horror movies we remember usually fit Wes Craven's definition of thriller-horror (Horror is fear of damage to the body, thriller is fear of damage to the soul). That's Se7en, Rosemary's Baby, The Sixth Sense, The Wicker Man, The Shining, Halloween (he's not just an anonymous slasher, he's her retarded brother whose eyes were literally forced to see through), The Excorcist, etc. You know, the ones people talk about and remember.

So it's hard to find a GOOD horror movie by that definition. One that's more than gore with no psychological scares.

If you're looking to be scared I've found some obscure, well-made films I can recommend that you may not have seen. They're all available on Netflix.

May
Ginger Snaps (the whole trilogy)
Love Object
Hellraiser VII: Deader
Hard Candy
Tremors IV: The Legend Begins
Nip/Tuck Season 2
White Noise
The Mothman Prophecies
Frailty
Dark Prince: The True Story of Dracula

And the oldies you may not have seen:
Zombie
Ms. 45
Black Christmas
The Wicker Man
Stir of Echoes
Manhunter
The Watcher in the Woods
The Lost Boys

Personally I'll be watching Slither and The Woods this weekend.


And from this month's Creative Screenwriting:
All facts considered, horror is essentially defined by what scares a given society at a specific time, a fact made all the more relevant by the influx of international nightmares on American cinema screens. Writer Stephen Susco puts the cultural difference into perspective as he considers the eponymous force from his script for The Grudge. "This is so much bigger than the characters. It is such human hubris to think they can stop it." The key theme of inevitability pervades Japanese supernatural horror. As Susco succinctly puts it: "In Asian horror, you're just fucked."

In constructing a modern horror tale, "The most important idea is character empathy," explains Susco. "A lot of scary movies go wrong by not making the horror personal." Tracy Letts, who adapted his stage play Bug into a feature film for Exorcist director William Friedkin, agrees. "Characters that, on some level, the audience can identify with have a lot to do with a successful story." Susco notes that any number of slasher films present characters the audience couldn't care less about, while "the horror films people point to as the best are the ones where you can really empathize with, and relate to, the character."

Like what you just read? Read Jason Davis' full piece on Writing the Horror Film in the latest issue of Creative Screenwriting Magazine, on sale now!

Hollywoodland

I'm at an all-day film seminar AGAIN yesterday and today (after last Saturday and Sunday) so if you're writing or calling me that's why I'm MIA.

Had to give you a quick update though that I sat next to Faye Dunaway yesterday...Pretty cool.

Also hanging out with my buddy Catherine Park. Check out her rad magazine Giant Robot!

100 Things

It's been brought to my attention that I have to change number 20 on my list.

It's true. For the first time, I puked from drinking.

It was a worthy cause - my old friend Sacha's 40th birthday. Seven of us in a limo, mixing five kinds of alchohol. By the time we got to the very Hollywood Hotel Figuero, I was laying across the toilet wondering if Lindsay Lohan had "prayed" there, too. In true rockstar style, it was barely 7 pm.

Ironically, I popped back up within an hour of drinking, stone cold sober and pert as a nineteen year old. No headache the next day, either. My compatriots did not fair as well.

I've always had a mortal fear/distaste of upchucking that's led me to great lengths to avoid it, and apparently a lot of unnecessary pain. In the case of wrongful alchohol consumption, I must now highly recommend it. Beats hangovers and days of the runs.

Back it Up, Baby!

Great recommendation from Amanda Brouda for a free Backup service. Make sure you give her credit when you sign up!

Interesting

I'm not sure what this daily photo project is saying, but something about it stuck with me so I decided to share. If nothing else, it's a testament to how a few minutes of creative work a day can pay off bigtime.



Also found this quote in Step Inside Design magazine:

There's a helluva distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.
- Dorothy Parker

ebert

So wonderful to see Ebert back, and with such a feminist review! I'd begun mourning him already. Still not convinced that he's going to be here much longer, but it touched my heart to hear his "voice" again.

Here's Mora Stephens, director of Conventioneers, with Roger at the Spirit Awards. I'm exceedingly happy for her that she had the opportunity!

Conventioneers

The amazing, Spirit-Award winning film Conventioneers opens today in New York City!

Not only is it a fabulous, timely film, but it is my debut as an associate producer...so please go check it out!

If you don't live in New York, explore the website I built for now and check back to learn when it's coming to your town.



And good luck to Mora and Joel as they take a bite of the apple!

Ghost Hunters

The most boring TV show I have ever sat through. Apologies to anyone I know who makes it, but crikey...

Evolution of a Model

Sad News

Miriam Engelberg has passed. If you have a friend with cancer, buy her book and pass it along.

Wrong and Horrifying

Wonder what Aunt Twisty would have to say about this performance art.

LA Tips

The life-altering IMPACT self defense class (known in noCalifornia as Model Mugging) is starting again. I can't strongly enough urge every female to take it:

New Basics class is starting: October the 29th from 1:00 to 5:00.

Please forward to anyone you know that might be in to it. They can contact maureen@absolutionla.com to register.

Be sure to watch the fight clip at http://www.impactpersonalsafety.com/

And...

AFI.com still has tix left for the David Lynch screening on Monday November 6th at 7 pm in the Cineramadome (yeah, boiii!). AFI may well have the only theatrical screenings of his brand new "Inland Empire", as the maestro is taking on our outdated model and distributing himself. So get your butt over there to see it, just in case it never sees the dark light of a movie theatre again.

Added bonus: the 179 minute movie was shot on a Sony PD150, so if you're like me and OWN one, you must go see what a master can do with the technology. Go go movie democratization!

And for you non La La land readers, if you haven't seen Okay Go's music videos, it's worth the trip to You Tube. Also check out Tea Partay and BACKSTABBER: Dresden Dolls VS Panic! At The Disco. The future of advertising is here, and it's youtube.

New Insight

I have an intuitive friend who heard my astrological signs at the party and explained to another friend it meant I was "oversensitive and saw things the way they really are."


Hmmm. By George, I think she's right. For instance, I might have noticed one friend was upset when leaving the party and wondered if I'd done something wrong, when she was actually upset about a juicy situation at the party I had nothing to do with.

I wonder if my Catholic upbringing helps steep my horoscope in guilt...

New Fishie

I've started a new blog called SuperFishies to keep track of our sightings. Let me know whenever you have a Fishie and I'll post it!

I got one Saturday from Mom and just blogged about it!

Superstar

Congratulations to my good buddy Annette Reid for her three-scene gig on "Desperate Housewives" last night. She was the red-head mom who told Felicity's character the dirt on the star pitcher!




And here's how I feel after throwing another one of Brenda's famous parties this weekend:


I'm realizing I just don't have the temperment for big gatherings anymore. It's like a wedding: you can't go more than a few feet without someone talking to you, so you never finish a conversation, pee, or eat, and by the time it's over you realize there's a dozen people who never came up and talked to you and that the food's gone.

I prefer my intimate 5-7 people gatherings that are informal, but this is Nurse Sis's thing. She loooves being the hostess of huge gatherings, and always does it with great generousity and style.

I'm also seeing how little tolerance I have for my friends who don't care that it was just the one year anniversary of mom's death. Some unexpected people were lovely and touching about it and gave great advice and support at the party (it was pretty obvious I wasn't myself), while a disappointing amount of supposedly close friends ignored it or tried giving me guilt trips because they wanted something from me at a time I told everyone I was going to be curled up on the couch for a few weeks.

There are the people who called or sent flowers and well-wishes and tried to help, and there are the people who stuck out as users. It's very interesting how me needing support culls the herd again.

Everybody Back on the Bus

Okay, I've decided I'm ready to start posting again, and that I'm going to be sentimental and keep the old blogger digs instead of upgrading to typepad. For future reference, if you just bookmark me at "http://www.KidSisInHollywood.com" you'll always find me.

So here's the deal. I stopped posting for three reasons.

1. I was overwhelmed by work (amazing things happening I will post about soon)
2. I was overwhelmed by choices (when the Typepad move didn't go smoothly and many of you didn't like the idea, it threw me into confusion and nonaction...a state that sentimental choices have had me in ever since Mom died. Sound familiar to any other grievers?
3. Lynne White died.

Number three is really the most important. I didn't realize how sick Lynne was until the third week of August. By then I'd had her on my daily list of phone calls since the 20th, but never made it in time. I can't tell you how much her daily absence from this site makes me never want to blog again. Or how guilt-ridden I feel for not contacting her before her death, or her lovely daughter Jill afterwards.

But reactions to death and our inapropriate behavior are strange things...even now I'd still rather stew and feel like crap then email Jill to apologize and ask how she's doing and extend my help. I guess the first step is admitting what's going on in my effed up head, so maybe this post will help some of you going through similarly bizarre grief patterns.

I can say Lynne was a lovely painter and wrote an adorable children's book, so if you miss her positive, loving presence as much as I do please go support the art that helps her live on in our memories.

Also, I'm beginning a FISHIES blog for Mom and Lynne. Just starting it now, but I hope it grows into a collection of stories from people who've received hellos from loved ones who've passed.

Rough Time of It

Okay, I just poured my heart into explaining to you guys what's been up to the past month and why I haven't been posting, went to save it as a draft, and blogger deleted it. If that's not a sign I don't know what is.

Just don't have the energy to do it again.

I'm here, I'm going to keep blogging, and I don't know if it's going to be on typedpad or here on blogger (I was a little thrown off by the outcry over the switch, and too ambivalent to make a choice). I can tell you that you can always reach me wherever I am by entering my direct URL Kid Sis In Hollywood.com That address is going to follow me everywhere.

I don't know. I'll try again later. Right now I'm feelin really tired and pissy.

I Wasn't Going to Keep Posting Here

But since most of you probably won't be checking typepad yet, guess I'm going to.

Today would have been Mom's 67th. Dealing with it okay so far. Have packed the day with a huge Pistoleras production meeting, photo shoot, and overnight visit from my dear old friend Charlie (yes, the one who save Mom's life...he's in Mom's Cancer in the beginning as the friend who used his connections to get us to the expert doctor who actually treated Mom).

So clearly denial is still my drug of choice.

Feeling a lot dizzy. Probably hung over from the two beers I had last night. I just can't drink more than one anymore.

Sadness wise...okay. Comes and goes.

Here's how I always like to remember Mom; dancing and singing to Short Skirt and a Looooong Jacket by Cake.

I want a girl with a mind like a diamond,
I want a girl who knows whats best,
I want a girl with shoes that cut,
and eyes that burn like cigerettes.


I want a girl with the right alocations,
Who is fast, and thorough, and sharpe as a tack.
Shes playing with her jewlery,
Shes putting up her hair,
Shes touring the facility
and picking up slack.
I want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket.

I want a girl who gets up early, (gets up early!)
I want a girl who stays up late, (stays up late!)
I want a girl with uninterupted prosperity,
Who uses a machete, to cut through red tape.

WIth fingernails that shine like justice,
and a voice that is dark like tinted glass,
She is fast, and thorough, and sharpe as a tack.
Shes touring the facility
and picking up slack.
I want a girl with a short skirt and a long, long jacket.

(na na na na.....)

I want a girl with the smooth liquidation, (smooth liquidation!)
I want a girl with good dividends, (good dividends!)
At city bank we will meet accidently, (meet accidently!)
We start to talk when she borrows my pen.

She wants a car with a cup holder-arm rest,
She wants a car that will get her there.
Shes changing her name from Kitty to Karen,
Shes trading her MG for a white, Chrysler LaBaron
I want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket.

(na na na na na.....)

Buckle Up Baby...

Things are going to stay bumpy for a few more days as I make the switch to typepad. Hold on, kids! Arms up in the air!

And if anyone's successfully archived their blogger account over to typepad, please contact me...I only got 30o posts moved over and don't know how to do the rest.

Catscratchings

Interesting thoughts about the new Catwoman developings.

And here's some well-produced fan films I'm not crazy about because they emulate the Jim Balent Catwoman as low-class stripper motif, and feature a stunt woman with one of the least powerful baby-doll voices ever (you know, the classic "I stopped developing at 12 because my funny-uncle molested me" voice).

Not exactly the empowered Castwoman icon of my youth.

Don't forget to check out the bad art direction in Selina's home. No way would Selina hideout in a dump with an 80's leather couch, cheap tv tray, and halogen lamp that Target stopped carrying in the mid-90's. Wharever happened to her being a chic, stylish lady? Damn Balent.

Fiction

Hypothetically, if one were to have a program that allowed one to reproduce any DVD they chose, and one happened to upgrade their computer's tired old USB connection to 2.0, thus reducing the process of this feat from 3 hours to twenty minutes, one might hypothetically be drunk on the god-like power and be reduced to maniacal overlord cackling and outbursts of "Anarchy."

I hear tell.

All of which still has more dignity than yelling "Leroy Jeeeeenkiiiiins!" During public onanism. I hear tell.

The Last Standing Ovation

Apologies to people who've seen it done it are over it.



It's interesting to me that I find Ian McKellen soooo doable KNOWING he's a gay man, yet cringe and lose interest in poor Hugh everytime I see him embodying uncomfortably sissy behavior. Hmmmnn.

Love the fag, hate the fagginess? Guess I like ALL my males to be Alpha.



I mean, COME ON! Yum.

Porn Foley

It's worth it just to see the lav clipped to the shirtless dude's chesthair.

Noooo!!!!

My eyes just turned to goo and melted out of my head. How do I continue to type, you ask? I have sonar-powered flipper fingers and a braille keypad.

Seriously. ZAK PENN is going to write the Avengers movie? He who brought us such classic cinematic gems as Elektra and X3? Will Marvel NEVER LEARN?

I'm sorry, explain to me again why I'm not writing these movies for them for free? Do they think my lovely lady lumps get in the way of my typing?



Because I've got your bad-ass melee starring Iron Man, Thor, Cap, Vision, Hulk, Witch, Ms. Marvel, Hawkeye, Jarvis, Gyrich, Jocasta, Mantis, and any other extras you want to throw in RIGHT HERE in my bad-ass, estrogen-soaked, bleeding once a month BRAIN. And it's bigger than Zak Penn's. Want Ultron? Kang? Shi'ar? Could have had it all.

But now that they've angered me, they're going to have to apologize and give me sexual favors before they get my take on it. And while they're going down on me, I'm going to make them say classic A lines like "We'll follow you through the gates of hell, but you've got to lead us!"

Lis Smash. Lis Assemble.

Lis cast chaos hex spell and make Zak Penn ladies shoe salesman.

Hey Kids, Comics!

Check it out. Great interview with my bud Dallas Middaugh over at the Comics Journal.

Two Link Ads

One's a good friend, one a Hollywood neighbor.

Ink Destroyed My Brush
Hollywood Threshold Guardian

For future reference, they're down on the right-hand column under "Friends' Sites" and "Screenwriting Resources".

Needed Humor

Thanks to Ronniecat for reporting these gems:

Star Trek sings Python's Camelot
Trust me, it's worth the loading time.

And Germans' latest form of protest.



Why didn't Americans think of that?

F*ck Cancer

A good friend of the family, and a best friend of Nurse Sis was just diagnosed with bone cancer. She has two young kids.

Thought some of you might be interested in this product. Customized silicone bracelets. Just bought one off a friend in the Armstrong yellow color that actually says "Fuck Cancer." And people have been noticing.

Makes me feel a little better.

Why Don't We Have This in America?

Meg, you have to try this service out and let us know how it is.

And here's a great quote from Cristina Martinez of the band "Boss Hog":

"I think all men should work their tongues out daily, build it up. What am I going to do with a bicep? Give me a strong tongue."

Hey Guys

Sorry I've been sporadically posting. A weird combo of having inconsistent internet connection the last ten days, and being overwhelmed by writing deadlines...which is a good thing.

Gone into pre-production on "Pistoleras" and it's a little crazy. We start shooting the last week of November in New Mexico, and there's just so much to do between now and then. But it's exciting, and I'm dying to see what the director Sharri Hefner does with the script, because she did a brilliant job with our short.

Phew. Anyway, I'll keep y'all in the loop, but right now I have to finish finalizing the script so we can get it to our awesome graphic artist for the manga. Yikes. Real-world deadlines.

Have I mentioned I've viewed so many Spaghetti Westerns in the last six days, my eyes are bleeding gold bullets? I told the curious Rocket Video staff that I was writing a paper on Marxism in Italian Cinema instead of trying to explain that we're making a revisionist Second Phase European Western from an American Neo Feminist perspective melding Blue Crush and Django Kill. Which is kind of goofy, because if anybody in this town would follow that statement it would be the staff at Rocket Video. Shout out to Joe. Then again, if there were actually anybody capable of stealing this idea, it'd be employees at Rocket Video.

All this movie-cramming and I still want to marry dreamy Charles Bronson. Or at least have a ghost affair with him from noon till three. He's so jolie-laide.

Vader Sessions

What Kind of Horror Film Are You?

What kind of horror movie are you?

Like Suspiria and Ringu, you're the Foreign Horror Flick! You just love the vision and inspiration that other cultures have when showing the fear that every human has inside, regardless of where they come from. Some people don't understand you, but that's OK, because you know that horror doesn't have to be understood to be felt.
Take this quiz!








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