Bruce Lee playing ping pong with nanchucks

That's not really accurate. Bruce Lee BEATING TWO MEN'S ASSES DOWN playing ping pong with nanchucks. Fuck. See why people are still obsessed with him?

Via Aint it Cool.com:

BONES sexy librarian fantasy

For Raquel ;)

NSFW Web Anthropology: The playful penis

I may never understand the enigma wrapped inside a bologna sandwich that is men's relationship with their dongs. More specifically, their dress-up time with their trouser snakes.

Women pretty much just DON'T sit around and play with their lettuce and tomatoes, drawing on them and inventing new ways to make their friends accidentally glance at them. Apparently we're missing out on one of life's greatest joys...

The Ksubi eyewear calendar






Natalie Portman's Ex's CD liner notes:


Random webphoto stumbled upon:


Probably not designed by a woman:


Penis humor:


Also of wonderment...that game in the movie WAITING where the males took turns surprising each other with forced looks at their ballsacks...Can't imagine a girlfriend jumping out from behind a curtain with her clam flapping and painted neon blue, then calling me gay...or walking into the room with her glass-cutter exposed between two buttons of her workshirt...

That damn lion post

The one I linked to eons ago that a bunch of you couldn't get to work. So here. Have a good cry on me. Just don't take the advice at the end...in general, not a good idea to get back in touch with others. IMHO.

My Name is Bruce

Bruce Campbell is doing a limited-city tour with his newest starring/directorial vehicle MY NAME IS BRUCE. Check his website for appearances. He'll be in LA December 19th; drop me a line if you want to go see The Chin with me.

MORE retail stores to close

Here are more stores analysts predict will downsize or close by 2009 unless they sell sell sell on Black Friday:


Rite Aid

Pier 1

Cost Plus

Williams-Sonoma

Saks Fifth Avenue

Eddie Bauer


Um...that list feels chilling.

Thankful for

I love witnessing people helping each other. Ultimately it's the belief I cling to that keeps me going...that deep down, most of us really just want to get along and give a hand up when we can.

CELEBRITY REHAB WITH DR. DREW SEASON 2 is available free on vh1.com. If you need a cathartic release today, I highly recommend Busey's breakthrough episode. I felt moved.

Thanksgiving eCard for single women

Perfect. Thanks to Hugo for the heads up.

And don't miss their two pages of additional Thanksgiving Day cards. Guffaw-inducing.

Pumpkin recipe to make your stomach growl

Personally I can't watch any cooking shows or IRON CHEF-type things because it drives me insane not to get to eat the food after watching them make it.

But I was watching ABC News and they had this amazing-looking sidedish that I thought some of you might want to make. For me. On Thursday. *cough* Michael. Because I KNOW you have a spare three hours to make me happy.

Gruyere cheese, bacon, sourdough bread, pumpkin seeds and pecans...YUMMY.

Creative types: Video Head or Music Freak?

So I'm a Video Head, as Charles Yoakum explains beautifully in this post. I always work on the computer with the TV/rented DVDs on in the background. It functions as white noise and makes me MORE productive. It helps me to keep track of the hours, remember to pee, not feel as alone. And occasionally I glance up and catch a great idea for my own projects or writing.

Charles is a Music Freak. He draws and does his computer work while listening to music. I find that impossible. Something about music overinvolves me, and it never fades in importance level to the work I'm doing.

Which are you?

BSG

is coming.

Well played, BLACK DYNAMITE

Nice. Some brilliant 1970s Blaxploitation coming your way...but watch closely. This puppy was made in 2008.



If that didn't have you snorting Cheerios out your nose on this fine Sunday morning, your inner child may need a jumpstart.

Mickey Rourke's not through yet

Fantastic actor, often given short shrift. I've been so happy for his "comeback" in SIN CITY (Comeback? Check his IMDb record; dude never stopped working just because he wasn't being noticed.). And now THE WRESTLER:



I'm there. Love it.

And if you haven't seen the also criminally underrated Walter Hill's fascinating JOHNNY HANDSOME, rent it. Netflix has it, so other places must, too. Unfortunately it's pan and scan, but it's better than an old VHS copy. And it's Rourke's last great 80s performance. Stunning work. (Um...not that WILD ORCHID wasn't stunning also but...well...okay, last best non-actual-sex-on-camera 80s role.)

Faulty Thesis

Hmmmm. More good news/bad news.

Good news. There are just as many handsome men interested in me in LA as there were in Italy. They just all hang out in Silverlake listening to eclectic live music.

Bad news. My thesis is totally wrong, therefore my studying/thoughts/conclusions/decisions are wrong.

The only constant here is me.

I've changed. Somehow. Some weird shift.

It's the only possible scientific explanation. It's not my weight or hair or my presentation. No.

I've changed, and multiple men can tell.

What is different about me? It must be an attitude, a belief-system, an energy...

What.

Is it...newfound confidence?

From seducing gobsmacked, grateful, underaged Roman God specimens? In under five seconds each? The spectacular, finally guilt-and-emotion-free-yet-still-intimate sex?

Have I turned into Angelina Jolie?

No. The waitress still called me sweetie and honey. Women don't do that to female predators. They bitchslap them down. So I'm not overly threatening or sexual. Just entirely approachable, watchable, desirable to a dozen men suddenly...?

Oh god, is it just that I never noticed before but the right ones were always there, interested? And now when I look around the room they meet my gaze instead of pretending to stare about a foot above my head, or quickly looking away?

Maybe I've not been in the right venues before, with people of my value system and interests. Picking the wrong public places where I could meet someone. And these guys are looking to meet a quality girlfriend so they don't look away?

But then what about the sudden influx on the dating sites, too? No. It must be my energy. My belief in scarcity and The One being shot to shit.



I will know. I will know the answer.


And then I will tell you. So you can be happy, too.

And then I will build the most awesome loving partnership on this screwy planet of ours. And brag waaaay too much about the great daily sex we have and how I get to give him hour-long blog jobs all the time and how he gets to hold my hand and kiss me whenever and wherever he wants and use my arm as a pillow when we sleep.

List of stores closing nationwide: watch that Christmas shopping!

Well this news should make you feel great about our recession. Urgh.

Okay, here's the way to use this info for Christmas...DON'T buy anyone gift cards or anything you're thinking of as "returnable". DO go to these stores for clearance items and to use up your gift cards/store credits.

And above all when you think about all the layoffs and influx of competition into your job market...stay calm, breathe, have a martini.


THE LIST:

Circuit City stores... most recent (? how many)

Ann Taylor - 117 stores nationwide are to be shut

Lane Bryant, Fashion Bug, and Catherine's to close 150 store nationwide

Eddie Bauer to close stores 27 stores and more after January

Cache will close all stores

Talbots closing down all stores

J. Jill closing all stores

GAP closing 85 stores

Footlocker closing 140 stores more to close after January

Wickes Furniture closing down

Levitz closing down remaining stores

Bombay closing remaining stores

Zales closing down 82 stores and 105 after January.

Whitehall closing all stores

Piercing Pagoda closing all stores

Disney closing 98 stores and will close more after January.

Home Depot closing 15 stores 1 in NJ ( New Brunswick )

Macys to close 9 stores after January

Linens and Things closing all stores

Movie Galley Closing all stores

Pacific Sunware closing stores

Pep Boys Closing 33 stores

Sprint/ Nextel closing 133 stores

JC Penney closing a number of stores after January

Ethan Allen closing down 12 stores.

Wilson Leather closing down all stores

Sharper Image closing down all stores

K B Toys closing 356 stores

Loews to close down some stores

Dillard's to close some stores.

Technorama 617 Monstro Sensor, 28K resolution, 1-25 fps, $55,000

Great. Now MY brain has exploded.

I knew I should have gone to bed.



Yet and still, as crazy as it is to think YOU TOO CAN MAKE IMAX MOVIES, Jonas does a great job nailing why Red's Redmas announcement is a huge disappointment to the prosumer market.

And yeah boys, seriously. Whose computer can handle your specs? That's a serious investment to add on to "affordable" cameras. In this apocalyptic market.

Todd, want to weigh in after paying a gazillion for your (now outdated) pro editing suite?

Um...duh.

The local LA news just interviewed the cranial facial specialist on duty in Dallas when JFK was wheeled in. Poor guy.

The big conclusion to this "story"?

Picture a plastic-surgeried generic anorexic "hot" newswoman with voice dripping with false concern/sincerity:

"Doctors say even with today's medical advances, President Kennedy would not have been able to survive his wounds."


Well. No.

Not unless not having a head becomes a scientific reality.


Seriously, this dribble is our news? I mean, come on. Compared to Europe, we're spoonfed news for citizens without fucking heads.

My god. Christ on a crutch. "Doctors say..."

Ohhhhhh that's it. I'm going to bed, gas or no gas. I feel too angry to be awake. "Doctors say."

Saw the man's head blown off what, 42 times in Stone's JFK? "...would not have been able to survive his wounds." Well, praise Allah for that. JFK living without a head.

Wonder if Matt and Trey just heard that. Built in sequel to their famous episode "Britney's New Look".

Dammit I'm mad. Don't you get how patronized we are? Don't you feel steamed?

They think we're idiots. We're getting the news we deserve.

Celebrities Without Makeup: Part Deux

Lis in orange peel mask, Coral in smartypants specs.


Celebrities: They're Just Like Us!


Lis and Brenda ride the train in Italy! In no makeup!

That's Good/That's Bad: The Food Edition

Good: Delicous French bean soup at Pitfire Pizza with the awesomeness that is go-gettress Cindy Baer.

Bad: Up all night with the most FOUL GAS.

Sigh.


Are my bean-eating days over? Am I destined to plan meals around Bean-o?

Or become the kind of blog that updates you constantly on the State of My Bowels? (Ahem, Dooce, I'm farting in your general direction...)


What?? Oh no...my eyes are tearing up and it's not the blue cloud around me...Seriously? Kevin Bacon is FIFTY? I'm OLLLLLLLLD...

Oh well. At least us oldsters still look pretty good, even if our insides are rotting.

On 13,000 newspaper jobs lost

And the writers asked to work for "Exposure".

Sigh.

Free Dark Knight script

Good for the WB.

Celebrities without makeup

I, for one, feel better.

Oh. Or was I supposed to cognize the converse conclusion from this evidence? More like, wear makeup 24/7 and have the world at your feet.

Soooo happy

My friend brought her pix from Italy over today. Yea! Some Firenze, Tuscany, and Roma!

Oprah

Interesting show today on California's effing Prop 8 debacle. But her producers assembled the weirdest live panel ever...Oprah, Gail, and Mark Consuelos? I don't understand.

And...kind of a weird choice given she supposedly hates the rumors about her and Gail. I don't know, is it like a meta thing of, see, I'm straight and so comfortable with supporting gay civil rights that I'm saying I'm okay with the gay rumors while doing something to add fuel to the fire? Or is it a meta meta thing, like, I'm in the closet and so comfortable with supporting gay rights that I'm going to wink to my peeps that I'm gay, but not as bold and trailblazing as Melissa Etheridge.

I'm too confused for a Friday afternoon. Somebody's producers should've not won or not lost that decision.

Oh great...

Like there's not enough to worry about, star bloggers are defining/fighting having their voice co-opted by The Man...

Hey, if The Man is out there and wants to pay me...

You know...

Since I indirectly brought up Justin Theroux in a post yesterday, let's finish the sentence...

Why don't people get how fucking cool he is? I mean, come on!


Mom would have wanted you to like him and see his movies.

(Sorry. Waaaaay inside joke. For two people out there.)

Project Mayhem

File that under bad ideas. Why did I go googling mom at 2 am in the morning? I can't remember now.

Here's a fantastic new Mom's Cancer review that, if you're family, might make you cry. Like a little girl. With Big Bob Bitch tits.

Ohhhh, but see now I'm kind of laughing in that ugly cry laugh way. Because one of mom's absolute favorite movies is FIGHT CLUB. Her name was Barbara. Oh, you're such a clever little ghost, aren't you Mom. Such wit.

I am Jack's total lack of surprise.

Holy Christ Balls

It was brilliant to see Mark Greene and Dr. Romano back on ER tonight. Geez. Bet the show regrets not doing whatever was necessary to keep them around after seeing this episode. Nice job, guys.

"I still remember when Mark Greene and Doug Ross were running the place," longtime "ER" nurse Chuny Marquez lamented in a December 2007 episode.

"Who?" two of her newer colleagues responded.

Man, ER is a freaking institution. I haven't watched it regularly in at least three years, but it's going to be strange to have it off the air. I have my ol' friend Raquel to blame for the early seasons of watching but there were years when it was me and mom, or me and Brenda (always swearing about the nursing inaccuracies). My favorite story arc was the one where they brought Mare Winningham back while Steve De Jarnatt was directing. Or anything with Doug and Julie. My single favorite episode was the Valentine's one where Carter was stabbed and looked across the bloody hospital floor to see LUCY, gasping for life, bleeding and dying. C'est fantastique!


Got a little soft spot for Mr. Anthony Edwards. Oh hey, you all know I want you to watch MIRACLE MILE. But here's another of Goose's hidden 80's gems: GOTCHA. Seriously. Check it out. Preferably imbibed.

Broken English

I freaking loved it. Rent it.

I have to respectfully disagree with Mr. Ebert's review (which contains the plot of the entire movie up to the credits, so don't read until you've viewed...it gives new meaning to the term "spoiler".).I don't think a man like Ebert can attest to how other men treat women. All the men in Europe were that nice to me. And I have met European men like Julien. They exist.

I bet the writer/director Zoe Cassavettes has as well.

And yes, it was the American one who had treated me cruelly and broken my heart.

Same stupid line, too. "I'm so glad I met you." Ugh. Then, um, make it up to me. Crazy thought!

Crapola

You guys have to tell me when my sidebar goes away. I use a laptop with a widescreen, so it's always there for me.

It's usually from posting a video that's a smidge too wide. I usually remember to change the width, but sometimes I forget...

Sorry!


UPDATE: Oh! That was tricky. All the vids were perfectly set to 380 width. The culprit was a little hidden code on the Funny or Die vid setting the TEXT width to 486. Sheesh! And there wasn't enough text to actually take up 486 px, so it wasn't showing up to my eyesight. Tricky bastards.

So remember that, fellow anal retentive bloggers: if you're posting Funny or Die, get under the hood and fix the code.

"I will bring you hope, old friend"

Brenda and my unnamed potentially-litigious friend ("Lis! I better not see that on the blog tomorrow or so help me...!") were discussing again how shocking it is that we can't find world news in America.

It's harder to blame us for being ignorant when you realize how controlled our US media sources are. We're living in Big Brother country: endless media streams of the slutterati and what shoes to buy, but no stories about how our recession causes a domino effect in every country. We may think we're an island, but we're intricately linked to everyone...our decisions, our buying patterns, our vote.

The news did have a blip about ecstatic Parisians selling Obama-themed doggy items. Glittered collars and t-shirts and the like. (The US news chants "Buy, America! Shop don't think!") Ah, the French and their dogs and their politics. Love the enthusiasm. Love the hope.

Let's hope this Titanic is turning from the iceberg in time...because escaping to another country for economic relief is as likely as there being enough rafts onboard for all of us.

Dreams

A friend who was with me in Europe just told my sister and me about a vivid dream he had last night.

We were all in France, and I was moving there. Nine months pregnant. Hair in a sloppy bun. Incredibly happy.

The happy father was telling everyone it was his child and he was going to marry me.

And Brenda kept going "Isn't it great? Can you believe it?"

Yes we can.

WTF

Well, here it is. Daniel Radcliffe Equus naked photos and video. You can even download the damn thing. I have nothing to add that the Defamer commenters haven't eloquently surmised..."Not the swinging dick onstage", and "curse of the Irish: all potatoes no meat" being my favorites.

Yawn.

I'm all for art, but let's not pretend this Equus thing hasn't been one big publicity stunt where he WANTED us to talk about the size of his talent.

Although I will say for encouragement, the best sex I've ever had was with a below-average-sized man. But...he was Italian.


I do feel bad for the commenter who said their inner child died. I would bet a lot more people feel that way then are letting on.

If you're looking for better quality hunks to fantasize about, check out All American Guys.com. I won't judge.

Indy tidbit

Great little discouraging article here about a filmmaker trying the irrelevant theatrical distribution world. His feature BOMB IT documents the international graffiti scene. Looks very cool.

Some of my favorite pictures from Spain three years ago were of the local wall art, and I just got some great political grafiti pix in Venezia, too. I just added BOMB it to my Netflix queue; support indy filmmakers and do the same.

Postsecret...

...feels beautiful today. Happy Sunday. Squeeze someone you love.

Oooh, DAMMIT.

I didn't know Sydney Pollack was in MADE OF HONOR. This was supposed to be an easy breezy Saturday morning.

Surprise ennui. Not happy.

What the hell is wrong with Jezebel?

Really? No allusion to Lysistrata? Bullocks.

Americans abroad

Cool little article. Thank God Obama won.

NOW I can laugh

Kate just informed me that there will be Hollywood filming in our neighborhood today "including gunshots. I figured that was all you needed was not to know and live in terror..."

God I love having a roommate.

Okay, here's the funny:

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

g'night.

I'll believe it when I wake up

So in another extension of magical thinking, I've been very careful not to get excited or believe Obama was going to win at ANY point in the election. 'Cuz, you know, I believed in my fellow Americans in 2000. And 2004. And Arnold.

Sigh.

Last night I put myself to bed, only half a celebratory beer in my belly. Ask my roommate. I was grumpy. "I'll believe it when I wake up and he's still President."

Kate, the practical one, replied "I'm more worried if he'll still be alive."

...!!

Grumble grumble, put myself to bed.

To be awoken at 7:03 am by the most hideous, constant alarm...

I push the dogs off me and fight my way to comprehension.

Kate running around in a towel, almost ready for work. The NOISE, blaring.

She gets a step stool and attacks the fire alarm. "Is it a spider?"

Me, unable to form sentences, point uselessly again at the house alarm we've never set. Finally, she finds the panel by the front door and the persistent scream above me stops.

"That's weird."

"Yeah."

Four female eyes lock on each other, and with that telepathy women have shared since Palin's dinosaurs and cavemen ate us regularly for breakfast, we begin a more organized silent search of the house than the Green Berets could've conducted.

Meeting again under the suspiciously quiet alarm, we give our reports on the back forty and the various windows and doors of the large house. Kate, the awake voice of reason, asesses "It's probably a short. I'll call the owners later and they can call the alarm company. Go back to bed, everything's fine."

I head groggily towards my room as she continues, "No real alarms to wake up to. Nothing's been blown up. And he's still President."


.
.
.

Okay kids, it's 7:22 am on a Great Day in America, and I'm back to dreamland. I trust you all to hold down the fort whild I'm there, because I don't want to be waking up to any news that's any different.

"If you thought that was long, you have no idea what you're in for."

Promises, promises, boys. Mmmn. An allnight all knight? Hard to come by...


Here's more brilliance from GOSSIP GIRL, doing the Sam & Diane, Dave & Maddie, Valmont & Merteuil dance to perfection throughout season 2...and on a teen soap, no less. Good for the writers and actors.

My favorite thing about modern TV is you can't judge the medium OR the genre...a perfect storytelling moment might be lurking anywhere, if you're open-minded.



To Chuck Bass. May that wicked tongue of his tease us a little longer...into season 3.

More snaps from Prague

The Bashower. On the plus side, Jen has heated floors and towel racks!

No kids allowed, but bring your dog aboard!


Colored Communism. Hmmn. You know, a coldly-designed cookie-cutter dorm building is still that, even in easter egg colors...but at least they're trying to make it theirs.

Amazingly effective windows...why don't we have these?

Funny, no one looks like this chic at Comic-Con...

The "Make Sure He's Dead!" store. A companion piece to defenestration?
















Fred and Ginger

Local style: Mullets required, weird hair dye strongly suggested.